Like a Record, Baby
by KT the Shimmer Skank
Summary: Spinner's running out of lifelines, Ellie's coping with loneliness, Manny's feelings are conflicting, Alex is in trouble, and Marco's just trying to keep everyone happy. What happens when these five collide? COMPLETE.
1. Holiday Spirit

**Like a Record, Baby**

Rated T for language, references to sexuality, and alcohol use.

I don't own Degrassi.

Note: This story is AU season four. It assumes that the episode "Eye of the Tiger," where Spinner admits to the paint-and-feathers prank, takes place in early December, and picks up from there.

In case it's been awhile since you've watched season four, here are the main canon things that are going on before the start of this story: Alex dumped Jay because of the ravine incidents, Sean left for Wasaga and Ellie is living alone, and pretty much everyone hates Spinner. The first chapter sets up the context pretty well, so don't worry if you're not totally refreshed on season four happenings.

I'm trying for something different than my usual style here; a little less angst, and a little more drama/quirky romance. So I would love any and all feedback! Thanks.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

December tumbled in, bringing with it an interesting contrast of cold and warmth. The temperature was dropping, but spirits were rising. A blanket of snow covered the Toronto streets as Christmas lights and wreaths sprouted up on every house. Mr. Del Rossi, in particular, was an enthusiast of the holiday spirit, and on one Saturday afternoon he found himself inches from certain peril as he stood on his shaky aluminum ladder to hang a string of lights. As he rounded the corner of the roof he could see through the sheer curtains of his teenage son's bedroom. He chuckled mischeviously to himself as he snuck a glance at Marco, who was busy entertaining a gorgeous raven-haired young woman. It was amusing to him that his son was such a ladies' man. The old man's pride, however, would have been severely crushed if he were able to hear the conversation within.

"So, wait, you guys _are _dating, or you aren't?" asked Manny, seated in a plush orange bean bag chair with a slightly confused expression. She filed her nails idly, looking at them with disappointment.

Marco sighed from where he sat on the bed, clutching one of his throw pillows. "We aren't. I mean, not _exactly. _It depends on how you define dating."

Manny looked up at her discouraged friend with exasperated eyes. "How about, two people in a loving, honest, and exclusive relationship? Come on, Marco, what's the deal? Did Dylan dump you or what?"

"He didn't dump me!" Marco sighed again and tossed the pillow to the ground. "We're just taking a break. Dylan thinks the relationship is getting too serious, and he wants me to be able to see other people before we get into that kind of relationship."

Manny rolled her eyes and returned to her nails. "Right. So in other words, he wants to hook up with hot college guys."

"Basically." Distraught, he wandered toward his desk and began organizing the odds and ends that were scattered there. It was a nervous habit of his; when the world was crumbling, at least your paper bins could be alphabetized.

"Look, don't let it get you all torn up," Manny cautioned in her slightly jaded tone of voice. "'Taking a break' is just another way of saying, 'I'm too much of a coward to break up with you for real.' He's going to move on and forget about you, so you might as well do the same. The best thing is always a clean break, trust me."

"I know, I know. It's just..."

"It's just nothing. Don't you dare hang on to him like some pathetic puppy, Marco. You're better than that."

"You're right. And it's not going to happen. I'm so not the pathetic type." Manny nodded with approval just as the phone on Marco's bedside table started ringing. A look of urgency cascaded over Marco's face as he dove three feet across the room, crashed into his bed, and clumsily yanked the phone off the hook before it got to the second ring. "DYLAN?" he squeaked, panting to catch his breath. Manny sighed.

The giddiness melted from his face after a few minutes, however, and drifted into an uncomfortable and melancholy expression. Manny watched him with concern as he spoke minimal words to the voice on the other end of the line. He crawled off the bed and paced as he listened, tossing vague glances in Manny's direction. She sat frozen, helpless, having a good idea of who was on the phone, but not wanting to admit it to herself.

"I uh... no, look, Spinner, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Marco said softly. Upon hearing his name, Manny's suspicions were confirmed and she stiffened. "I'm sorry, no. There's... there's nothing I can do for you... Manny? Well, actually..." He turned to the girl sitting in the corner. Manny looked back at him with desperate eyes as she furiously shook her head. "No. No, I haven't seen Manny. I'm sorry. I... I have to go now."

He hung the phone up quickly, as if it was going to suck him in if he held it to his ear any longer. He exhaled and brushed his fingers through his hair. "That was hard," he said. He glanced at Manny, who was suddenly interested in her nails all over again. She stared at them intently, wanting something, anything, to keep her from having to look at Marco's eyes. Marco raised his eyebrows at her accusingly. "And what about you, Miss Clean Break? Have you actually _told _Spinner you don't want to see him anymore? Or did you just blow him off, like a coward?"

Manny smiled and frowned at the same time, the way she did when she was torn between guilt and self-righteousness. "Come on, Marco. You know I can't be with Spinner any more, for the same reason that you can't be his friend. It _is _hard. It's hard for everyone. But it's the way it has to be." She sunk deeper into the bean bag chair, hiding her face behind a veil of thick black hair. She couldn't look at Marco. There was something about the honesty and the openness of Marco's eyes that would get to her and make her spill everything. If she looked him in the eye, she might end up blurting out just how much she missed Spinner, and if she said it out loud, it would make things that much harder.

o o o o o o o o

Some miles away, on a side of town where the snow was heavier and the Christmas decorations were far more sparce, Ellie Nash stood in her apartment, freezing cold as she hovered over a small plastic tree with a box full of blue glass balls. A few of the branches were melted together, and others were bent in strange directions, but you couldn't ask for much when you were getting your merchandise from a second-hand junk shop. From the slightly mildewed couch, Alex watched Ellie work with a look of discontent as she pulled her black jacket closer for warmth.

"Ellie, it's friggin' freezing in here," she complained through slightly chattering teeth. Her crossed legs were propped onto the cluttered coffee table, which began to shake as she fidgeted uncomfortably. "Would it kill you to turn the heat up?"

"Yes, actually," Ellie replied, undaunted. She did not look away from the deformed Christmas tree she was working so tediously to perfect. "I keep the heat low, I keep the heating bill low, I have money for food, I spare myself gruesome death by starvation. It's a basic chain of logic."

Alex rolled her eyes and rubbed her frigid hands together. "It's a basic chain of suck, you mean. Christ, I can't even feel my fingers."

Ellie did not answer. When the box was emptied of its ornaments, she tossed it carelessly to the floor, among the rest of the clutter she hadn't bothered picking up in awhile. She stood with her cold fingers in her pockets, observing her sparkling semi-melted hunk of plastic with a sense of defeated pride. With a sigh she stepped back and flopped onto the couch beside the disgruntled Alex. Alex had recently made a violent break with both her boyfriend and her best friend, and found herself filling her newfound free time with Ellie, who had been living alone for three months without so much as a word from the mother and boyfriend who had ditched her. The two lonely girls shivered next to one another as they stared blankly at the hideous tree. It was a rather sad place to be, and their only comfort was that they had each other.

"What do you think?" Ellie asked. She almost thought she could see her breath as she spoke.

"It's great, Ellie," Alex answered in her usual dull monotone. "Congratulations. You've got yourself a bonafide Charlie Brown Christmas." She stood up and gave the redhead a mocking pat on the shoulder before shoving her hands in her pockets and heading for the door.

"Gee, thanks. Hey, where are you going?"

"I've got to work a shift at four. And since I'm currently lacking in a boyfriend with a car, I'm relying on the wonders of public transportion. I'll catch you later, Nash."

She walked out the door and let it slam shut without another word. Ellie shrugged and shivered simultaneously, staring at her Christmas tree and inhaling the familiar scent of loneliness. She been mentally building herself up for some time now, constantly reminding herself that she would be spending Christmas alone, and she was just going to have to deal with that. She sighed, and reached for the rubber band on her wrist. Lonely nights could get hard. As strong as she was on the outside, there wasn't a moment that went by where she wasn't thinking of the way cold metal felt digging into her flesh. She wanted it so bad sometimes she would cry herself to sleep just thinking about it. But she hadn't cut. Not in eight months. She wasn't going to let a little thing like losing Sean break her perfect record.

She was breathing heavily, she realized, and fading fast. She stopped snapping the rubber band against her tender flesh and picked up the phone instead. She dialed Marco's number. If there was one person she could still reach for, it was him.

"DYLAN?" she heard Marco's voice squeak expectantly on the other end.

Ellie chuckled. "Um, no, sorry. It's Ellie. I just finished my Christmas tree. It's really... well, it speaks for itself. I thought you might like to come over and check it out. We can curl up by the space heater and watch crappy movies. What do you say?" She yanked nervously at the rubber band as she waited for his answer. "Oh. You're going skating with Manny? Well, um, sounds like fun. Me? No, I don't think so. No, it's fine. Have fun. All right. Talk to you later. Love you too."

She hung up the phone and tried to numb herself to the disappointment she felt. Instead she walked to the cage of her ferret, Bueller, and carried the smelly, furry creature back to the couch with her, curling up beneath a faded purple blanket. She tried to ignore the filth of the rest of her apartment and stared only at the gleaming blue orbs on her less-than-perfect Christmas tree.

"Merry Christmas, pal," she said dully to the ferret, holding him close as the loneliness settled in once more.


	2. Shelter

At the ice skating rink, cheesy recordings of Christmas carols were crooning through the sound system as dozens of scarf-and-cap-clad patrons cycled around the oval of gleaming white. Manny giggled as she glided effortlessly across the ice, spinning and pulling a swift trick here and there to show off whenever a cute boy passed by. With a soft laugh and a sigh, she circled around and came to an expert stop in front of Marco, who's rear end was slowly beginning to freeze as he sat helplessly on the ice. In the half-hour they'd been there, Marco had spent more time on the ground than anywhere else. Manny smiled sympathetically and outstretched her pink gloved hand, which Marco used to tediously ease himself to his feet.

"You didn't tell me you were such a lousy skater," Manny teased, holding his hand and slowly guiding him around the rink.

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly know I'd be this bad," Marco said with a tinge of frustration. He shook the caramel-streaked hair out of his face as he shakily tried to maintain his balance. He wasn't sure he could handle another bruise to the bum. "I've never really been skating before."

Manny's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me. You've _never _been ice-skating? You live like, five minutes from the rink, and you've _never _been ice-skating?"

"No, I've never been. Whoa!" Marco felt the familiar feeling in his shaking legs that he was losing bodily control yet again. He teetered around on the ice, about to fall again, but Manny managed to help him keep his balance. "Do I _look _like I'm kidding?"

"Apparently not. I still can't believe you've never been skating, though. Emma and I used to come here like every Saturday when we were little."

Marco glanced at her with an exaggerated pout and furled brow. "Are you trying to train me into being your Emma-replacement? Because I'm telling you right now, I'm really not prepared to chain myself to any endangered trees or whatever..."

"Haha, very funny, Del Rossi." She rolled her eyes and gave the boy beside her a playful punch to the shoulder. This turned out to be a terrible idea, for being as precariously perched as he was, the blow was too much for Marco to handle and he found himself yet again fumbling to the cold ground, this time taking Manny with him. Manny was cracking up as she lifted herself off the ground and shook the ice dust from her hair. Marco, however, didn't find it quite as amusing.

"That's it!" he said in defeat, sitting up and looking around in dismay at the skaters zipping past him. "I'm finished. I'm sorry, Manny, this friendship just isn't working out. I've lost the will to go on."

Manny laughed and wrapped her arm around the shivering boy. "Aw, come on, don't wimp out on me now, Del Rossi. You haven't seen the best part of the ice-skating rink yet!"

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"The concession stand, naturally. Come on, I'll buy you some hot chocolate and nachos covered in 100 plastic cheese."

Marco eyed Manny skeptically as he thought over her offer. At last he cracked a smile and nodded. Manny helped him to his feet once more and carefully led him across the ice to the other side of the rink. They loaded up on nachos and hot chocolate and exited the rink. A brisk cold met their faces as they walked towards the bus stop, and they quickly sipped the steaming liquid from their styrofoam cups. Manny lowered her cup and saw a messy-haired figure in a faded hoodie walking towards them. The smile on her face quickly subsided. She looked down at the sidewalk.

Spinner was standing before them, and as he watched the disappointment in Manny's eyes, he felt his heart sink. He was tempted to reach out to her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He brought his gaze instead to Marco, who was too much of a softy to look away.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me," Spinner said, pressing his gaze heavily on Marco. Marco was his last chance, the only one of his friends he could get to even look at him. He didn't want to break eye contact for fear of losing him. "But you've got to help me, Marco. I've got no one else. My dad... my dad kicked me out, man. He was just so pissed off... he kicked me out." The words poured from his mouth with a certain level of surrealness, as if the news was so raw to him he still didn't quite believe it himself. "I've got nowhere to go. Please, man. Please help me out. I just... I don't know what to do. I have no clue." He rubbed his tired face, the face of someone who was genuinely lost.

Marco felt his resistance fading. Spinner had done some horrible things; it seemed like Spinner was _always _doing horrible things, like messing up was something he couldn't escape. But for Marco, it seemed like forgiveness was something _he _couldn't escape. He knew that he didn't have the strength to look at his friend, who stood before him with such vulnerability, and just walk away. It was too upsetting. When Spinner was tough, he was tough. But when he was weak... he was at rock bottom.

Marco swallowed hard. "I'll see what I can do, Spinner," he said. Beside him, Manny took in a deep breath. "Come by my house later tonight, okay?" A wave of relief came over Spinner's face, and he began showering Marco with thanks. Marco just nodded weakly and left quickly, Manny right at his side, as they ran to catch the bus.

o o o o o o o o

A silent, steady stream of tears poured down Ellie's face as she lay snuggled with her ferret, staring at the black and white pictures on her television screen. She smiled as she watched the townspeople of Bedford Falls pour into George Bailey's living room, showering him with money. He was dirt poor, on the end of his rope, about to lose everything, but because everyone loved him so much, they were willing to take care of him. Ellie sighed, glancing at her disheveled apartment and wishing she could say the same.

"How big of a dork am I?" Ellie asked Bueller. "I've seen this movie like a million times, and it still makes me cry. Now Marco's going to come over and my face is going to be all gross and he's going to get all maternal on me." She sighed and wiped the smeared black eyeliner from her cheeks, while Bueller stared back at her with his wet, beady eyes. Ellie stroked the animal's head and brought her eyes back to the TV. "Not to mention the fact that I have conversations with a ferret."

Just as the curly-headed girl in George Bailey's arms cried out, "Every time a bell rings, and angel gets its wings!" someone started pounding on her front door. Ellie turned off the TV and wiped her eyes before trudging over to answer it. As expected, a slightly pale-faced Marco was standing there when she opened the door.

"Hey, El," he said. "Thanks alot for this. Really. You were the only person I could think of..."

"Don't worry about it. It's no big deal. I've got room to spare, after all." She stepped aside to let Marco in and smiled shyly at the boy who stood behind him. "Hey, Spinner. Welcome to the palace."

Marco and Spinner both nodded to her and walked inside, carrying Spinner's bags. Ellie couldn't help but stare for a moment; she'd never seen Spinner look so awful. Bloodshot eyes, unwashed hair, stained t-shirt, and a daze in his face that made it seem as though he hadn't slept in days. He stepped into Ellie's apartment, which was now also going to be his apartment, and looked around with slight discomfort. Ellie was starting to feel the same feeling he was. They didn't really know each other, and living together could take awkward to all new levels. But Spinner had nowhere else to go, and aside from doing this as a favor for Marco, deep down, Ellie was sick of being alone.


	3. A Drummer Without a Band

Snow was sprinkling gently, covering the Degrassi campus in a smooth white blanket. In the courtyard in front of the school, a freshman couple playfully frolicked in the newly-painted wonderland, throwing snowballs and giggling. Alex's gaze, conveniently going right over Marco's head, bored through the cluttered windows of the library as she watched the flirting couple. Normally, this playful show of affection would have caused her to regurgitate the ghoulash she'd had for lunch, but at that exact moment, Alex was bored out of her mind. Even a happy pair of douchebags in the snow was more interesting than a student council meeting. A meeting which, by the way, was holding Alex in the school she lovingly called "The Bowels of Hell" for an entire thirty minutes after the last bell had sounded.

"I think we could still squeeze in another dance," suggested Liberty, removing the pencil from behind her ear and waving it around as she spoke. Alex mused to herself that Liberty's pencil was the magic wand from which she drew her evil powers of persuasion. Flick, wave. Abracadabra. You are under my spell, Marco. Submit to my tyrannical obsession with theme dances. "We could call it 'Winter Wonderland'. Play on the sentimentality of the holiday season without excluding or offending anyone with varying traditions." There were a few half-hearted murmurs of agreement amongst the council. Alex wanted to rip the pencil from Liberty's hand and bore it through her skull.

"Alright," said Marco, sitting up as straight as he could and trying to maintain some air of authority. Alex chuckled soundlessly. It was funny on two fronts: 1) Marco could tape a ruler to his back if he wanted, that still wouldn't change the fact that even Liberty was taller than him; and 2) Marco could wear a suit and tie and a neon flashing sign over his head that said "President," and that still wouldn't change the fact that Liberty and her magical pencil were running the show. "Do you guys think we could pull it off? We could recycle some of the decorations from the Love Match dance..."

"I could bring in a plastic snowman," offered some hopeless sophomore.

"And we could alter some of the Dracula set pieces, too," Liberty noted.

"And I bet we could get Miss H. to..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE," Alex barked at last. A half-dozen pair of stunned eyes turned in her direction; Alex hadn't said anything the entire meeting. "I'm going to say this one time, and one time only. No. More. Dances. Nobody at this school wants another effing dance. They're stupid, they cost money, and nobody leaves them feeling any better than they did before. It's the _last week_ of school before winter break. Do you think anyone has anything on their minds other than getting the hell out of this place? If you're looking for a last minute fundraiser, put a table and a jar out front, and people will _pay _you not to have another god damn dance for the rest of the year. That's my two cents. I'm out." She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and waltzed out of the library, leaving her signature stunned silence in her wake.

The meeting adjourned not long after Alex's elegant departure, and the council unsurprisingly voted against the winter dance. Marco gathered his books and trudged out of the school, unable to shake the feeling that it had been a pretty unsuccessful meeting. Everyone was restless, ready for the onset of winter break, Marco more so than anyone. Between the pressure of running student council, the stress of being stuck in the middle of the Jimmy-Spinner conflict, and worrying that Dylan was never coming back to him, Marco was more than ready to explode.

As he eased his way down the snow-covered steps, he noticed Alex standing around, kicking the snow. He smirked. "For someone who left in such a hurry, you sure don't look like you have much to do," he said.

Alex glared wearily at him. "I'm waiting for my ride," she said. "Who apparently isn't even coming. You know, Jay might have been the scum of earth times ten, but at least he had a car."

"Ah. I know the feeling. You don't realize how dependent you are on someone's car until they up and decide they want to start giving rides to other people... And of course, I mean, you can still _call _them and ask for a ride, but you don't want to sound like you're... desperate, or anything." He coughed, and stared down at his feet.

Alex stared with a half-smile, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets and walking towards Marco. "You know, something tells me we're not talking about cars any more."

Marco lifted his head and tried to smile back. He was always cautious when it came to sharing things with Alex. Even when she seemed friendly, you never knew when she would slip back into the role of heartless bitch. "Yeah. I guess not."

"Let me guess, College Boy needs some space, right?"

Marco nodded. "He said we should... take a break. See other people."

"Screw other people, eh? Sounds like you're getting to that _really_ special stage in the relationship. I think they call it the breaking up stage."

"We're not breaking up, we're just take a break." Marco frowned. The more he said that reassuring line out loud, the less convincing it seemed to sound.

"Uh-huh. Well, all your naivete aside, the word 'break' still sounds like a major part of your situation, and it's not really the most cheerful word in the English language, is it?"

"Umm…."

"Right. So. Strap on your fancy pants, Mr. President, you and I are going to catch the next bus and I am going to take you out for a good time. To a place devoid of Liberty Van Zandt and jerk-off boyfriends."

Alex grabbed hold of his arm with a grip that was natural to her but far too rough for Marco's liking and started pulling him away from the school. Marco felt a momentary rush of fear, his mind racing through scenarios like drive-by shootings and heroin binges and bank robberies and any other warped situation an edgy girl like Alex might lead him into. But after a deep breath, Marco gave in and decided to go out on a limb for once.

o o o o o o o o o o

The entirety of Ellie's apartment shook wildly with the vibrations of Spinner's drumming as he mindlessly threw himself into a torrent of snare and cymbal. A mop of dull tumbleweed hair flopped around his face as he bounced his head, eyes closed. It was easy not to think when you were drumming. It was the kind of playing that was just about feeling. No thinking, just hitting. Hitting, hitting. He'd been sitting in that quiet apartment for too long. Everyone he knew was at school but he was there, trapped in his loneliness. He was in need of something to drown out the silence.

He was so focused on his drumming that he didn't hear the front door open or notice Ellie trudge tiredly inside. She threw her school bag onto the floor, amidst the rest of the mildewing clutter. She sighed as she glanced across the room and realized the leak in the kitchen had started up again. She had little interest in that, however, when the bizarre display of Spinner wailing on his drum set in the middle of her living room was playing out before her. She remembered with a bit of a frown the awkward journey of going with Marco and Spinner to ceremoniously remove the drum set from Craig's garage. It was something like a walk of shame. Downtown Sasquatch was no more. Spinner's friendship with Craig, Jimmy, and the others was no more. Ellie couldn't help but think he looked a little stupid and a little lonely, a drummer without a band.

She folded her arms and sauntered towards him, smirking slightly as she watched him play. It took a few moments before she was seen, and as Spinner slowly realized he had an audience, his rhythm stumbled to an awkward stop. He swung the disorderly hair out of his face and wiped away the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve.

"Hey," he said, breathing somewhat heavily.

"Hey, Ringo," she answered. "You do know we have neighbors, don't you?"

Spinner shrugged with an oblivious and slightly apologetic face. "Oh. Sorry. Not used to living in an apartment."

Ellie sighed with a tinge of bitterness. "Yeah, well, you'll get used to it soon enough." She strolled to the corner of the room, stepping over cereal bowls, unfinished homework, and dirty laundry, and retrieved her guitar from where it rested forlornly against the wall. "As long as you don't play any later than five, and you know, bring the volume down a few notches, you should be okay. This is a pretty laid back building." She sat down on the couch and cradled the guitar in her hands. She looked at Spinner. "Play a little more. Something a little less... intense."

Spinner scratched the back of his neck in slight bewilderment, looking at Ellie as she sat ready with her guitar. He shrugged. "Umm... 'kay."

He counted himself off a gentler, softer beat, and after he'd established a groove, Ellie eased herself into the rhythm. She strummed, cautiously at first but gradually with more conviction and flourish, a playful melody that she made up as she went. Spinner bounced his head and listened to the strings shape the sound, continuing his driving rhythm. Ellie smiled as she watched him. It was nice to play with accompaniment for a change. It gave the music a richer, more complete sound.

When they'd finished their brief improvisational jam, Ellie put her guitar back in its place and went to feed Ferret Bueller. "Oh, hey," she said, remembering something suddenly. She finished filling Bueller's bowl and moved back to the pile by the door where she'd thrown her things. She pulled out a black, somewhat smelly hoodie, and threw it in Spinner's direction. "I saw Manny in the hall today," she told him. "She said you left that at her house."

Spinner sighed as he looked down at the hoodie in his hands. "Thanks," he said half-heartedly. He grinned bitterly. "I guess she really does hate me, huh?" He shook his head as a wave of unresolved emotions settled in once more. He was still very much consumed by mixed feelings; he was angry at Manny for abandoning him when he needed her, but at the same time he was miserable over having lost her. They'd only just dived into what was seemingly an amazing relationship, and it slipped through his fingers out of nowhere. Everything in his life, he lamented, had slipped through his fingers. No family, no friends, no girl, not even school.

Ellie bit her lip, seeing the near-tears expression on Spinner's face. It was strange to see him so beaten-down; you would never think that last year, this kid had been the carefree, rock-and-roll stud, class goof boyfriend of the queen bee. Having him live with her for the past week had given her glimpses into a more frightening side of Spinner. "I don't know that she hates you," said Ellie, trying to be helpful. "I mean, I'm by no means a dating expert, as you can tell by the complete and utter absence of my so-called boyfriend, but I'm willing to bet she's just as upset as you are. Maybe you should just... call her. Ask her how she feels."

"I'm not so sure I _want _to know how she feels," Spinner muttered, tossing his drumsticks to the floor. "Besides, I've tried calling her. She doesn't want to talk to me. Nobody wants to talk to me."

Ellie bit her lip. She'd never really thought of Spinner as having an award-winning personality… she had actually been a supporter of the widely-held belief that Spinner was a selfish, chauvinistic Neanderthol. But in that moment, as she watched the defeat in his face, she realized there was something adorable about his hopelessness. Everyone needed friends, even one of the dumbest boys she'd ever met.

"Well hey," she said, smiling at him encouragingly. "Talking's overrated anyway. I'll take playing over talking any day."

She started up their impromptu rock song once again and after a few moments of hesitation, Spinner jumped back into drumming with a slight grin.


	4. Uninvited

"Ash, you're freaking out," said Ellie with a sigh, twisting the phone cord around her finger as she paced across the kitchen. "And no offense, but you're kind of annoying when you're freaked out." Across the room, Spinner chuckled from the couch and nodded in fervent agreement. Ellie smiled and shook her head at him.

"I know, I know," Ashley responded on the other end of the line. "It's just a little stressful, that's all. Craig hasn't really been out and about like this since he went to the hospital. It's going to be alot of excitement on him all at once. I'm worried for him."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Ash, all you ever do is worry about him. It's just a party. And if it's going to be that big a deal, then just stay home. Stop being a drama queen."

"Amen!" Spinner chimed. Ellie stifled her laugh and motioned for him to be quiet. Spinner shrugged innocently.

"No way," said Ashley. "We're definitely going. If I don't get out of this house, _I'm _going to go crazy. No. We're going. That's it. I can do this." She took a few deep breaths.

Ellie, meanwhile, just wrinkled her nose in bewilderment. "Right then. Go get 'em, tiger. I'll see you at the party." She hung up the phone. Shaking her head somewhat at the conversation she'd had, she grabbed her jacket and keys, preparing to leave for the party. She looked at Spinner, still sitting on the couch, and grinned somewhat.

"I take it someone isn't an Ashley-fan," she said to him.

Spinner shrugged and chuckled. "Yeah, well, Ash and I have been friends since grade three. And it's hard to remember back that far, but I'm pretty sure we've been hating each other's guts from day one."

Ellie nodded. "Friends that hate each other's guts, eh? Interesting concept... I guess I can understand, though. Ashley's... high-maintainence. But she's my best friend, so you know how that goes. You ready to head out?"

Spinner's smile faded and his head drooped. "Yeah, um, about that... I think I'll just stay home. If Craig and Ashley are going to be there... well I mean, you know how they and most of the free-world feels about me. It'd probably be best if I just stayed here."

Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed with impatience. She marched over to the couch where Spinner sat glumly and started tugging on his arm. "Come on, enough of this lame pity-party. You're not an exile, Spinner. You have a right to party, and you've got to fight for it."

He cocked an eyebrow and cracked a smile. "Well thank you, Beastie Boys." He laughed, and Ellie laughed with him, and after a bit more tugging, Ellie and Spinner left the house for a night out.

o o o o o o o o

Marco squinted in the darkness at the street names, looking desperately for Hollings Drive. His intense focus was interrupted by the shrill arpeggios of his text message alert. Hoping for a message from Dylan, he let out a tiny squeak of excitement as he nervously fumbled with his phone.

His face fell when he realized it wasn't Dylan. It was, in fact, from the passenger in the back seat of his mom's car, Manny Santos. _Can u explain y we're taking HER to Heather Sinclair's party?_ read the message.

Marco simultaneously sighed and smiled, looking over at the girl in the passenger's seat. Sure, Alex was a little rough around the edges, but thus far, she was the only person to take Marco's mind off all of his drama for three solid hours. After the pizza and ski ball marathon she had treated him to after the student council meeting, he figured he owed it to Alex to show her a good time, too.

Alex, however, remained unconvinced that Heather Sinclair's "Winter Bash" would be anything like her idea of a good time. She smacked her gum in impatience and fiddled with a loose thread from the waistband of her black Dickies. "Is there going to be booze at this deal?" she asked Marco.

"Err… um, I'm sure there will be," he said with a shrug. "Heather's parties are usually pretty big."

Big turned out to be something of an understatement; in just a few moments, Marco no longer had to strain to find Heather's street. It was obvious by the rows and rows of parked cars down Hollings Drive and the glittering pink strobe lights on Heather's porch exactly where the party was at.

"Great… where are we going to park?" Marco muttered. He couldn't hush the neurotic voice inside him that warned that if he didn't park somewhere isolated, some drunk idiot would bump into his car as they left the party. His parking concerns were silenced by the ringing of his cell phone, which he shot to his ear without even bothering to check the caller ID. "DYLAN?" he asked hopefully. "Oh, hey El. Yeah, we'll be in there soon, just looking for a place to park…"

o o o o o o o o

Inside Heather Sinclair's, pop music blared throughout the house and tinsel covered every wall. From the living room to the back yard, the entirety of the Sinclair residence was crowded with teenagers not just from Degrassi, but from a few other high schools as well. Paige Michalchuk had just entered the party, clutching the teal purse that accented her soft red sweater and matched her flats. It was unlike Paige to arrive at a party without an entourage, but Jimmy and Hazel had opted for a cozy night at home instead. Jimmy wasn't ready for this much excitement yet.

Paige also could not possibly have ridden with Marco to the party, because Marco was giving Manny a ride, and it simply wouldn't do to show up at a social event with a boyfriend-stealer.

And so, boldly, Paige waded through the tepid pool of partying teenagers solo, soaking in the scene through the lens of an experienced socialite. The decorations were tacky, she decided, and the music was too loud; typical of Heather Sinclair to go too far. Paige was determined not to be impressed by the turn-out, not willing to give even mental props to her long-time rival.

After making sufficient rounds through the crowd, she eased up to converse with the first two people she recognized, Craig and Ashley.

"Paige!" greeted Ashley, a little more excited than necessary. Craig's troubles had been consuming Ashley so much as of late she'd hardly spent any time around anyone else. She was glad to interact with anyone, even a friend she rarely related to any more.

"Hey hon," Paige returned. "Nice to see the two of you amongst the living. Where's Ellie? Haven't seen much of her lately, either."

Ashley frowned and exchanged a glance with Craig. "She's here, we just… haven't figured out how to say hey yet." She dropped her eyes to the ground, and Paige steered her skeptical gaze to Craig, waiting for an explanation.

"She… she came here with Spinner," Craig said, shaking his head in disgust.

"Spinner?" seethed Paige, looking through the crowd. Sure enough, he and Ellie were standing by themselves, chuckling and making idle chit-chat over the rims of their Solo cups. Paige folded her arms and glared, struggling to keep her anger at bay. Spinner had a lot of nerve showing his face, and Paige wasn't going to stand for that.


	5. The Other Side of the Truth

Note: I just want to say thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to review. They make my day, they really do, and I greatly appreciate getting to hear people's reactions to the story's development. Thanks, and I hope you keep reading and reviewing.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Spinner and Ellie stood in a comfortable corner of Heather Sinclair's party, slightly removed from the throngs of excited partiers. They people-watched together and laughed, sipping their drinks and having fun being the wallflowers. Ellie had never liked big parties, anyway.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna go say hi to Ashley," she said carefully. She knew very well that Spinner wouldn't be welcomed warmly by her friends, so she had waited until the two of them were half a beer into the night before making the awkward move of leaving him to hang out alone. Ellie hadn't anticipated just how painstaking the endeavor of slipping Spinner into a social setting would be. It was a big enough party that the two of them could stay out of the way unnoticed, but of the Degrassi students present, it was obvious that most of them had heard the rumors of Spinner pulling the paint-and-feathers prank. Dirty stares and whispers hovered all around them.

"Sure," said Spinner, silencing his nervousness with another gulp of beer. "I'll uh, meet up with you later."

"Marco said he was on his way in," Ellie offered reassuringly. She wanted him to feel like there was someone he could talk to besides just her. She was starting to realize just how disarming it must be to have everyone turn their back on you at once.

Spinner grimaced. "Yeah, Marco who's bringing Manny. Who hates me more than Craig and Ashley combined."

"You don't know that. You should talk to her! Tell her how much you still care about her. I'm sure she still has some of the same feelings for you. You can do it!"

Spinner's face was completely morose. Awkwardly, Ellie gave his arm a supportive squeeze before she walked away to see her friends.

As she walked through the crowd, she couldn't help but feel like a weight was lifting off her back the further she got away from Spinner. It wasn't easy to stand next to the social outcast.

"Hey guys," she greeted Craig, Ashley, and Paige. The three of them reacted to her presence with a cold, awkward silence, and it didn't take Ellie long to figure out why.

"What's it like harboring a fugitive?" Paige asked cattily. Craig and Ashley looked at each other; neither of them would have had the malice to insult Ellie quite that bluntly. Paige, however, had no such qualms. Spinner had pushed her too far this year, and after what he did to Jimmy… there was nothing holding back her loathing.

Ellie felt the hairs on her arms rise and she stood up a little straighter. She wasn't about to be bullied by her former rival. "Could you be a little more dramatic, Paige?" Ellie glanced towards Ashley, hoping her friend would come to her aid, but Ashley just looked away and bit her lip.

Paige barreled on. "More dramatic than Jimmy in a wheelchair? More dramatic than Rick getting our school plastered all over the evening news? More dramatic than, say, Sean leaving your sorry ass and running home to his parents because he watched someone die? It doesn't get any more dramatic than this, hon, and it's all Spinner's fault."

Ellie shuddered a little at the mention of Sean's name. But she folded her arms defiantly and stood her ground. She couldn't let Paige of all people get to her. "That's ridiculous. Spinner couldn't orchestrate all of that on his own if he tried. He can't even work the dishwasher. The shooting messed with everyone's heads, you can't just simplify it and try to put it all on one person. That's crazy. And cruel."

"Ellie, how can you defend him?" Ashley interjected at last. Craig was watching Ellie as well, waiting for her response with judgment glinting in his eyes.

Ellie grew vulnerable under the gaze of her three accusers. She had thought that she could rest comfortably in the realm of indifference when it came to Spinner, but everyone else seemed to think it was more severe. The choice was obvious: she was wither with Spin, or against him. The idea of choosing between those two extremes made an Alaskan-sized lump form in her throat. She enjoyed Spinner as a roommate, and he was a nice enough guy at heart. But on the other hand, he wasn't exactly her best friend for all times. She didn't want to turn her back on Spinner, but she wasn't really committed to taking a bullet for him, either.

"I just don't think you can blame _everything_ on Spinner," she said, looking at her hands. The pressure Craig, Ashley, and Paige were putting on her with their eyes was intense. She absent-mindedly snapped at the rubber band around her wrist. "Rick was a ticking time-bomb. Who knew when he was going to go off? What makes Spinner any different from every other person who bullied him?"

"Every other person didn't let someone else take the fall," Craig spat bitterly.

Ellie paused. "Wait, what? What does that mean?"

There was a heavy quiet as Paige, Ashley, and Craig glanced curiously at Ellie and at one another.

Ashley breathed. "Ellie, didn't Marco tell you?" she said slowly. "Spinner and Jay told Rick that Jimmy did the feathers." Ellie's eyes grew wide with shock, and Ashley suddenly felt guilty for judging her. Ellie had agreed to take Spinner in without knowing the whole story. She took another deep breath and placed her hand on Ellie's shoulder. "Ellie, that's why Jimmy got shot. Because Spinner was a coward."

o o o o o o o o

"Marco, put the cell phone away," said Manny, shaking her head at him. "Stop pining."

Marco pouted and slipped his cell phone back into his pocket. Still no messages from Dylan. He turned his attention back to Manny, who was chewing thoughtfully on the pink straw that protruded from her Sex on the Beach. (Typical Heather Sinclair, going all out to have a full bar).

Manny smiled at him. "Good boy. Now we can scope out hotties. Coz as soon as this drink is empty, I am totally gonna find someone to make out with."

Manny gave Marco a flirtatious nudge. Marco rolled his eyes as she made a visor with her hand and dramatically mimed "scoping" the room for a potential hook-up. He knew she was trying to cheer him up. He pretended to check people out, humoring Manny and making critiques of various boys' good looks, but there wasn't really anyone that caught Marco's eye. He couldn't wrap his brain around kissing anyone other than Dylan.

Eventually he glanced back at Manny, who had also lost interest in scoping. Her gaze was fixed on one person.

Marco shook his head. "Yeah um, I tell you what… I'll stop pining when _you_ stop, okay?"

Manny blushed and stared down at her drink. "I don't know what you're talking about, Marco."

"Please, Manny. It's obvious you still have a thing for Spinner. You were staring."

Manny said nothing. It was only a few weeks earlier that she and Spinner had been blissfully in love, with out a worry in the world. Spending every day together eating French fries, making out, watching cheesy movies. It was the first boyfriend she finally felt like she could let herself trust. Every relationship she'd been in until then was markedly unstable… Sully the Scumbug, Craig the Liar, and J.T. the Farting Clown. With Spinner, she felt like she'd finally found what she was looking for.

But that happiness was cut short when the truth came out. It wasn't only that she judged Spinner for what he had done to Jimmy. It was that she was overwhelmed by the betrayal she'd felt. She finally opened her heart again, only to find out he was just as bad if not worse than all the others. Another letdown. Another failed relationship.

"Uh-oh," said Marco, pulling Manny out of her laments. "That doesn't look good."

Manny gazed again in Spinner's direction. She cupped her hand over her mouth nervously. Two guys from Degrassi were hovering over him, poking him in the chest, egging him on. Nudging turned into pushing, and it looked like this was about to escalate into a full blown fight. Spin was outnumbered, and Manny and Marco both knew there wasn't anyone who would step up for Spinner. He had no one. Manny bit her lip, feeling slightly afraid.


	6. Guilt

It was a good thing the party was well-stocked with liquor, because it was only the light tequila buzz that was keeping Alex from complete and utter boredom as she sulked against the wall in the middle of the madness Heather Sinclair had orchestrated. She watched two blonde girls in pink halter tops grind against a boy with gelled hair and a Limp Bizkit t-shirt, the three of them loudly singing along to the lyrics of "My Humps." Alex almost threw up in her mouth at the sight. These people weren't _her_ people. To Alex they hardly even classified as people.

She could almost feel the trouble before it started. Too many times she had heard the low, caustic murmurs of abusive boyfriends through thin walls, bullying her mother. By now she could smell a violent asshole from a mile away, and she knew as soon as those guys started talking to Spinner they weren't going to leave without throwing a few punches.

Sure enough, it didn't take long for the bullies' prodding to turn for the worst, and Alex watched as Spinner was thrown hard against the wall. She could see the defeat in his eyes; he wasn't even going to try to fight back.

Alex casually set down her tequila sunrise and marched boldly towards the action with her hands in her pockets. Her fierce ebony eyes were unfazed by the whispers and gasps surrounding her as she stepped into the fray. She eyed Spinner's antagonist coldly.

"Hey, asshole," she hissed. "Didn't anyone tell you? This is supposed to be a party. Why don't you leave the guy alone?"

It only took a threatening glare from Alex for Spinner's bully to swallow hard and reconsider. Slowly, the boy took a step away from Spinner and shared glances with his comrades. He faked a laugh. "Figures a coward like this suck would have a girl fight his battles for him." They walked away, glowering.

Alex looked at Spinner, who seemed shocked and dazed. "It's getting a little crowded in here," she said. "You wanna come with me to get a little air?"

Spinner gazed around at the room, knowing he was at the center of many accusing stares, and nodded slowly to Alex. He followed her outside, running his fingers through his greasy hair as they wandered a safe distance from the crowd.

"Thanks for that," said Spinner, exhaling after a momentary silence.

Alex shrugged. "Those guys were jerks. They don't even know you. I wasn't just gonna sit there and watch a bunch of pricks blow off their male egotistic steam for no good reason. If anyone deserves to kick your ass, it's someone who knows you."

Spinner dropped his head. His spirits had been temporarily lifted by having someone stand up for him. For a fleeting second, he didn't feel alone. Now he remembered he was scum, and that everyone knew it.

Alex sighed. She was struggling between empathy and disgust. It was the first time she had really opened up to anyone about what had happened the day of the shooting.

"What you and Jay did was pretty fucking low," she began. "I just… I can't believe it sometimes. I can't believe how it all got so dark, so fast. If I had known things were going to turn out that way…" She swallowed hard. She wasn't about to fall apart now. She shoved her hands into the comforting depths of her pockets and kept going. "But… I also know that you don't deserve what you're going through. You don't deserve to go through it alone, at least. No offense, but you're not really the brightest crayon in the box. You couldn't have come up with a scheme like setting up Jimmy on the spot."

She paused for a moment, thinking bitterly of the boy she had wasted so much time and love on. The thought made her sick to her stomach. "I know Jay was the brains behind the operation. He always was."

"I followed Jay's lead," Spinner admitted, his heart sinking into ice cold regret as he remembered that moment in the bathroom. One stupid moment of bad judgment had ruined his best friend's life forever. The crushing guilt of it all hit him hard once more. He felt heavy tears welling up in his eyes, and he struggled to speak through the stone lump in his throat. "But that's just as bad. I'm just as guilty."

"We're all just as guilty," said Alex. Spinner looked up at her, surprised. She shook her head. "You think I don't have trouble sleeping at night? _I set up the paint_, Spinner. You two jackasses never could have pulled it off if I wasn't willing and able to work behind the scenes. I'm just as much apart of it as you are." She took a deep breath and looked Spinner in the eye. "I should have been expelled with you and Jay. I can't say I'm not grateful that I didn't get caught, though… I guess I owe you one for not turning me in."

Spinner nodded slowly. He didn't know what to say.

"I just… I can't believe it," said Alex. "I can't believe it got someone killed. It almost killed two people. Maybe more, if Cameron hadn't stepped up."

The two fell into silence, watching the fog of their breaths in the cold December night. Alex got the stirring sensation that other people, people less frigid and jaded, might have hugged in this situation. That people who were similarly lost often clung to each other to keep from sinking. But it was hard for Alex to make that leap. She had conditioned herself all her life to stand alone. Trust no one.

But standing in the cold, watching Spinner, she saw that standing alone wasn't always easy.


	7. Mercy

"Well that was a charming evening," Alex announced with her signature biting sarcasm. She sat reclined in the back seat of Marco's mom's car with her arms folded and her feet resting on the back of the passenger's seat, where Manny sat. She stared intently at the darkness outside the car windows. Her conversation with Spinner had left her unsettled, bringing bitter memories and conflicting emotions to the surface again.

"I for one had a _great_ time," Manny slurred dreamily. Marco could smell the liquor on her breath even from the driver's seat, and he sighed. "I gave my number to two different boys."

Alex guffawed coldly. "Good for you. Guess that makes you the ho-bag of the ball."

Manny rolled her eyes. She was drunk enough to let her temper take control. "You're just jealous. Maybe you wouldn't have had such a lousy time if you weren't starting fights the first fifteen minutes you were there."

Marco held his breath. He so did not want to be stuck as referee in the verbal throw-down that was about to erupt: Drunk Defensive Manny versus Ice Cold Alex.

"I didn't start the fight, Princess, I stopped it from happening. Obviously you were too wrapped up in your self-absorbed whore bubble to give a shit about your boyfriend."

Manny turned towards the back seat with her lips pursed angrily. "Obviously you're too much of a social reject to know that Spin and I are so not an item any more."

"Oh yeah? Ever bother telling him that? Because word on the street is you just straight up ignored him. Blew him off when he needed you the most. Real classy, Santos."

In her drunken blur of emotions, Manny wasn't sure if she wanted to burst into sobs or punch Alex in the face. "Yeah… well… I mean, I couldn't just _talk_ to him… everyone was talking about him. About what he did!"

"You were supposed to be his _girlfriend,_ Manny. He needed you. Spinner was hurting just as much as anyone. You at least owed him a real break-up. He's not a lepper. He made a mistake. A big mistake, but…" Alex felt her fingers go numb as she saw the paint falling in her head. Again and again. She thought of how heartless Jay had been, how she had wanted his comfort so badly in the aftermath of the shooting, and how it just wasn't there. "But we all make mistakes. We all need someone to be there for us when we mess up."

Marco and Manny both fell into shocked silence. They were both surprised to hear Alex be so compassionate about anyone, let alone Spinner. The three rode in awkward and ominous quiet the rest of the way.

o o o o o o o o

Ellie was strangely quiet as she drove Spinner's car back to her apartment. Her mind was heavy with Ashley's revelations. Spinner himself was feeling a little drunk and sullen, so he didn't particularly mind the lack of conversation. Silently, they ambled into their messy home, and Spinner collapsed onto the soft worn couch.

"So," he said awkwardly. "That was a… uh, fun night."

"Yeah," Ellie replied absently. She leaned against the kitchen counter, staring emptily. Her eyes were dark with thought, and she emitted her words slowly. "Spin, tonight… Ashley told me that you let Jimmy take the fall for the prank. That you… _told_ Rick it was Jimmy." She carefully lifted her eyes to meet his, afraid to see the truth in them.

Spinner's heart froze for a split second. It was coming. He was going to be ditched by yet another person. There was no safe place for him, not even the apartment with Ellie he was just growing to think of as home. His crime would follow him everywhere.

It pained Ellie as she watched Spinner's body tense up. She knew that he wished the same thing everyone else wished; that none of it had ever happened. That they could just press rewind and stop it from happening.

"Is it true, Spinner?'

Spinner looked over and met Ellie's probing eyes. He stomach was turning with the fear of having to confess. Again. To have someone turn their back on him. Again. He was just starting to find comfort in Ellie's friendship, and now he was going to lose it.

"Yeah," he said at last, defeated. "It's true."

"Why would you do that?"

"I don't know. It just kind of happened. In the moment." He looked desperately at Ellie. He wanted so badly to make someone, anyone, understand. "I thought I was going to get in trouble, and Jimmy and me had just been fighting, and so it just kind of … came out. I never thought it would turn out this way. How was I supposed to know Rick would do that? How was I… I know everyone hates me but I would go back and change it all if I could."

Spinner was crying, staring at the stained gray carpet and watching the tears fall.

Ellie breathed carefully and moved towards him. She couldn't imagine what that kind of guilt felt like. She sat down beside him.

"What you did was wrong," she said slowly. "The way you treated Rick, and the fact that you let an innocent person take the blame. You were acting really selfishly."

Spinner nodded, shutting his eyes to slow the silent tears that slid down his face. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his dingy hoodie. "I know. I messed up. I messed up really bad this time. I don't know if I can ever make it right. And I understand if you don't want me around any more. I'll… I'll leave if you want me to."

The absence of hope in Spinner's voice was disarming. Ellie was torn between pitying him for his naivete, or being angry with him for his selfish recklessness. Of course Spinner hadn't thought about the consequences of his actions; Spinner never thought about anything. He was still just a bumbling little boy. A bumbling littler boy who now had a death, a life-changing injury, and the weight of the collective sadness and anger of all of Degrassi hanging over his head. He was lost.

"I do think what you did was wrong," Ellie repeated. "And I think you deserve to face the consequences of what you did."

Spinner nodded, waiting for the part where he lost everything yet again. He was about to be sentenced to the streets once more. Cold, alone. Nowhere to go.

Ellie continued. "But I know what you're going through is hard. Nobody could have known things with Rick would go so far. Everyone's looking back and trying to find a way to undo it, but all that's a waste. Because we can't change it. We can only deal with it." She sighed and clutched her hands together, looking at the sobbing mess of boy beside her. "I watched Sean try to deal alone. He just kept everything inside until he exploded. He let it eat him up. You don't have to leave, Spinner. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

Spinner's eyes widened as he gazed at Ellie, swollen with gratitude. He had watched so many people walk away from him recently. Turn away their eyes, shut him out of their lives. Having Ellie sit so close to him, knowing there was someone who wasn't going to abandon him… it was overwhelming.

"Thank you," he choked out. Ellie nodded. Fumbling at first, Spinner reached forward desperately and pulled Ellie into an awkward hug. "Thank you," he breathed again, into her shoulder.


	8. Bottoms Up

School ended for the winter break, and the students of Degrassi were free to relish in late nights, lazy afternoons, and mountains of holiday food. With Ellie suddenly spending so much more time at home, she and Spinner found themselves with a crash course in sharing the small space of their apartment.

Spinner farted constantly, Ellie learned, and didn't put the seat down. He left the TV on all the time, even when he wasn't watching it. He left sunflower seeds on the coffee table. He never did the dishes.

Spinner had a few uncomfortable realizations of his own. He started to catch on to this annoying thing Ellie did every time she got frustrated, where she let out a high pitched whine and shake her hands a lot. She hogged the bathroom. She clipped her toenails in the living room. She nagged about him leaving the toilet seat up. He was also starting to find red hairs all over his clothes.

Life as roommates grew increasingly tedious. But there were good things that grew, too. Ellie couldn't help but be excited by the new fun and warmth Spinner brought to her hollow apartment, and Spinner found comfort in knowing there was someone who was willing to talk to him every day without reminding him of the shooting. Their jam sessions became a daily exercise that they both looked forward to. They made music and grilled cheeses together. They watched bad TV and played "Chubby Bunny." Spinner taught Ellie yo mama jokes, and Ellie tried to teach Spinner how to cook.

It was two days before Christmas and Spinner leisurely stretched out his limbs, sprawled on the couch in his boxers. He had the day off from the Dot, and he planned to marinate all day in the sweet freedom of not having a single thing to do. He flipped on the TV and reached for a handful of stale popcorn that was sitting on the coffee table from the night before.

Ellie stumbled sleepily out of her bedroom some minutes later. She grabbed a box of Apple Jacks from the kitchen and carried it into the living room, fishing out handfuls of cereal and shoving them in her mouth. She nudged Spinner less-than-gently with her foot to make him slide over, and flopped down beside him.

"What're we watching?" she asked, investigating the contents of the television screen with suspicion.

"Um… I dunno," Spinner replied, feigning disinterest. The two watched in silence, as a competing brigade of high strung fashion designers argued and sewed frantically.

"This is that Project Runway show," Ellie said with a distinct eye-roll. "Ugh. I hate reality TV."

Spinner wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Yeah, how do people watch this crap? This is beyond gay."

Ellie nodded. "Totally trashy." She stuffed another handful of Apple Jacks into her mouth with her eyes glued intently to the TV. "Ooh, I like that dress. That's cute."

"Whoa, what the hell is _that_ guy trying to do? Are those feathers?"

"Listen to that one whine. This show is terrible. Completely retarded."

"Yeah, I don't know how much more of this I can take."

o o o o o o o o

Five and a half hours later, Spinner and Ellie had barely moved from their positions on the couch, engulfed in a pleasant bubble of lethargy, junk food, and the Project Runway marathon. When there was a knock on the door, they looked at each other expectantly, neither one of them budging.

"You wanna get that?" Ellie asked.

"No way, dude, it's your turn. I got up last time to make the Pop-tarts."

Ellie sighed as the banging on the door continued. "Come in!" she yelled at last.

Marco trudged slowly into the apartment with his head hung low, with Alex bouncing in behind him in her work clothes.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" Ellie asked Marco, seeing the defeated look on his face.

"We just saw Dylan at the mall," Alex answered for him, almost gleefully. She could rarely resist reveling in the misfortune of others. "He was eating some guy's face at the food court. I don't think I ever even saw him come up for air."

Marco's frown fell a solid three feet at Alex's description. "I made Alex let me hide behind the counter at the concession stand," he said forlornly. "I couldn't let him see me. I completely freaked out. I feel like I want to jump off a bridge— Ooh, is this Project Runway?"

Marco dropped instantly into the arm chair with his eyes locked on the mesmerizing glowing box. Alex folded her arms and looked at Spinner and Ellie, still in their pajamas. She sighed at all three of them.

"You guys do realize it's like, six o'clock, right?" she said. "Have you moved at all today?"

Spinner and Ellie shrugged lifelessly, enraptured by the TV. "It's winter break," Spinner argued. "This is what it's all about."

"Aren't you on _permanent_ break, Spinner?"

Spinner scowled and returned his gaze to Project Runway. "Eh. A minor detail."

Silence fell over the group as Marco, Spinner, and Ellie focused their entire attention on the TV, mouths hanging slightly open. Alex shook her head in disgust and reached for the remote control.

"Attention Team Pathetic," she barked, turning off the TV. The other three simultaneously gasped in horror. "This is not how I'm going to spend my Christmas Eve Eve. You two losers, get dressed. You there, pretty boy, wipe that woe-is-me heartbreak off your face and slap on your flamboyant gay kid party mode. We are all going _out_."

Team Pathetic responded less than enthusiastically. Nobody moved.

Spinner in particular wasn't thrilled at the idea of going out. Going out usually meant running into someone who hated him. He grimaced. "What's so wrong with kicking back at home? Taking it easy?"

Alex stared at him. "Spin, you've spent your entire day watching a show about fashion designers. You don't see anything wrong with that?"

Spinner immediately leapt to his feet and clapped his hands together. "Alex is right. There's a big wide world out there. Come on, Ellie." He jostled her playfully, which caused an uncharacteristic giggle to escape her lips. Marco and Alex exchanged a sly glance, equally intrigued by Spinner and Ellie's friendliness.

o o o o o o o o

Mooney's was a pizza joint and arcade not far from the mall. It wasn't the coolest place, but it wasn't awful, either, and it was closest thing to compromise that the eclectic group of four could decide on. Being in the Land of Broke, it had one thing, at least, that all of them could agree on: dollar-slices and bottomless sodas.

"Oh hey," said Marco, looking excited for the first time all night. "It's karaoke night!" He looked at his companions, expecting an equally positive reaction, but none of them looked thrilled. They watched as two familiar students, Liberty and J.T., stood on stage singing "Don't Stop Believing."

Alex shuddered. "Oh god," she said in a markedly disapproving tone. "It's _karaoke_ night."

A server arrived and took their order just as Liberty and J.T. finished their duet, laughing and taking dramatic bows. The DJ applauded them and brought his microphone to his lips.

"Alright, let's give another hand to J.T. and Liberty," said the DJ. "Next up is Manny performing "I'm A Slave For You." Come on up here, Manny."

Spinner sunk low in his seat as he watched Manny prance excitedly onto the stage, playfully high-fiving J.T. and Liberty as she passed them. He couldn't ignore the pang in his stomach as he looked her. Dressed in green and silver, raven hair shining in the stage lights, she was glowing as she held the microphone to her lips and began crooning the sultry lyrics of Britney Spears' hit. Spinner hoped she wouldn't see him; he could tell he was the last thing on her mind.

"For a brainless bimbo, she's got a nice set of pipes," Alex noted with a coy grin. It was hard for her not to notice that you could almost see up Manny's sparkling silver skirt.

"She sure hasn't had any trouble moving on," Spinner mumbled quietly to himself as their server arrived with their drinks.

Sitting beside him, Marco heard Spinner's laments. "I know the feeling," he chimed in miserably. The mental image of Dylan's make-out session weighed heavy on Marco's heart.

Spinner couldn't stand to sit there and let his broken heart ruin what might be his first night out having fun with friends in a long time. He reached into the folds of his hoodie and discretely removed a silver flask. He held his glass of Coke under the table and slyly added a healthy portion of whiskey to the mix.

"Spin, what are you doing?" Ellie asked as she noticed the flask. How could he be so blatant? Ellie was unnerved.

Spinner shrugged carelessly and took a gulp of his mixed drink. Ellie recognized the deadened look in his eyes. "If I'm going to listen to karaoke all night, I'm going to need a little helping making this entertaining."

Ellie rolled her eyes. Marco was similarly horrified at first glance, always one to stray far away from the possibility of getting into trouble. But he bit his lip, contemplating Spinner's dangerous but comforting remedy for a broken heart. His stomach still turning with dark thoughts of Dylan, Marco came to understand the meaning of the phrase "drowning your sorrows." He snatched the flask from Spinner's hand and poured twice as much into his own glass.

"Marco!" Ellie snapped.

Marco blushed. "Come on, El… it is winter break. Bottoms up?"

Spinner grinned and clanked glasses with Marco. "See, that's the spirit."

Ellie folded her arms and rolled her eyes in disapproval. It wasn't that she couldn't condone a little drinking now and then. It was that she didn't like the look in Spinner's eyes. She knew he was drinking because of Manny, and when you were drinking to try and forget someone, it was hard to know when to stop.

"Real nice guys," she huffed, dramatically walking away from the table and heading towards the girls' washroom.

Alex chuckled and casually took the flask from Marco, pouring some whiskey into her drink as well. "Looks like _someone_'_s_ sleeping on the couch tonight," she said pointedly, glancing at Spinner with a sly smirk.

The insinuation of Alex's comment went straight over Spinner's head, as most things did. His brow furled in confusion as he took another sip of his whiskey-and-Coke. "I already sleep on the couch," he replied dumbly.

Marco and Alex laughed, leaving Spinner to sit scratching his head obliviously.


	9. Karaoke Queen

As Ellie washed her hands in the girls' bathroom, she paused to take a breath and glimpse her reflection. At that moment, Manny walked into the bathroom and approached the mirror, her face slightly pink and covered in gentle beads of sweat. Ellie felt a nervousness grow in the pit of her stomach as she gazed at their side-by-side reflections. She found herself comparing and contrasting their features, sizing herself up next to Manny. Her thoughts surprised her. What did she care how she compared to Manny?

"You sounded pretty good up there," she said softly, awkwardly initiating conversation. "Way better than Britney Spears."

Manny smiled weakly at Ellie's reflection, speaking into the mirror. "Thanks," she replied. She tugged down a paper towel and delicately dabbed her sweaty face, careful not to smudge her make-up. "It's pretty hot under those lights."

Ellie nodded politely. She took a breath. "Listen, Manny… I know we're not friends, and this probably isn't my place, but Spinner misses you. Like crazy."

Manny frowned. She never knew how to feel when Spinner's name came up. She sighed. "Really?"

"_Really_. He talks about you all the time."

Manny looked away and said nothing.

"You should really call him. He cares so much about you… I don't know how you can walk away from that." Ellie reached out and touched Manny's arm. "Just… think about it."

o o o o o o o o

Within an hour and a half, Ellie and her friends had gone through an entire extra large cheese pizza and had emptied the contents of Spinner's flask. Ellie laughed as she watched Spinner and Alex compete to scrape the leftover cheese from the pan.

"Hey, where's Marco?" she asked suddenly, noticing his absence. "It seems like he's been in the bathroom for a pretty long time."

"He's probably fixing his hair," Spinner joked.

"He's probably crying for Dylan and slitting his wrists," Alex tossed out harshly.

Ellie glared. "Not funny, Alex."

From the karaoke stage, the DJ immediately produced the answer to their query. "Alright, let's have another round of applause for Chester, everybody. Great job Chester. Up next we have Marco performing… uh, 'Behind these Hazel Eyes'."

"What?" cried the shocked chorus of Alex, Ellie, and Spinner.

Marco stumbled onto the stage, obviously drunk, his face slightly smudged with dry tears. His friends watched with their jaws dropped as he belted out an intense and significantly off-key rendition of the Kelly Clarkson break-up tune.

"Seems like just yesterday… you were a part of me…. I used to stand so TALL, I used to be so STRONG…" His eyes welled with tears with every lyric as he swayed dramatically back and forth across the stage.

"Oh. My. God," Alex said flatly. She shook her head in disbelief. "That is… that is a sad sight."

"I think I'm going to throw up," Spinner said, equally stunned.

"I don't think I can watch," said Ellie, shielding her eyes slightly as Marco began throwing some interpretative dance moves into his performance.

The patrons of Mooney's simultaneously winced as Marco began wailing the chorus again. "Now I can't BREEEATH, now I can't SLEEEEEP, I'm barely HAAAAAANGING ON!"

Inebriated, Spinner was unable to stifle his laughter. On the one hand, it was unfortunate that Marco was making a desperate drunken idiot of himself. On the other hand… it was hilarious that Marco was making a desperate drunken idiot of himself. Glancing away from the tragic mess that was Marco's karaoke, Spinner caught a glance of Manny sitting at her table. Chester Hosoda was leaning in close to her, making her giggle. Spinner's laughter faded, and he sunk into sadness.

On stage, Marco clenched his fist high in the air as he reached the climax of his song. "FOR HATING YOU I BLAME MYSELF! SEEING YOU IT KILLS ME NOW! Though I don't cry on the outside…. ANYMOOOOOOORE!" Marco dropped the his knees theatrically, eyes closed as he hushed his singing voice to a falsetto whisper. "Anymooooooore."

"Wow," said Alex, shaking her head and laughing. "That is officially the gayest thing I've ever seen… Even for Marco."

Ellie chuckled as well, but even Marco's outrageous drunk performance couldn't lift Spinner's spirits. It was remarkable how quickly fun-drunk shifted to maudlin-drunk, and Spinner was sinking fast into the latter. Watching Manny flirt with Chester was too much.

"Hey guys, I think I'm gonna bounce," said Spinner. "I'm feeling tired." He procured his car keys from his pocket and handed them to Ellie. "I'll take the bus, I shouldn't be driving anyway. I'll see you at home."

Spinner skulked abruptly towards the door without giving Ellie a chance to speak. She sat clutching his keys, a little dumbstruck. She bit her lip as she watched his drunk stagger and wondered what had come over him so quickly. She looked at Alex. "I think I should follow him," she said with concern in her voice. "Do you think you're okay to drive?

As she asked this question, Marco practically crashed into her as he returned from his stirring performance. His whiskey-breath overpowered Ellie's senses as he leaned on her affectionately. "You know, that song…. That song is like so perfect for me. It's like Kelly knew exactly how I would feel when Dylan BROKE MY HEART into a thousand teeny tiny pieces…"

Ellie patted Marco's shoulder awkwardly, unsure of how to react to his drunk emotions. Alex laughed. "Sure, Nash, I got you covered. I'll make sure _Kelly_ here gets home safe and bring Spinner's car around tomorrow."

Ellie nodded and followed Spinner.

With some difficulty, Marco managed to slump into a chair. Alex was amused to witness Marco's utter lack of alcohol tolerance. "Alex, you can't drive," Marco slurred, reaching out and poking her nose. "You're drrrrrrrunk."

"Uh-huh," Alex responded, smirking. "I may be drunk, sir, but you are _wasted_. I plan on waiting awhile before I try to drive, but I gotta warn you… if you start crying, you gotta move to another table."

Marco pouted. "Fine then. Ooh! We can do a duet! How do you feel about Sonny and Cher?"

"I feel like I'd rather barf up an organ than get on that stage with you."

"Oh come on, Queen Mean, embrace your inner gay boy for once." Marco leapt from his seat less than gracefully and pried Alex from her chair. "Come on! To the sign up sheet!"

Alex sighed as she was pulled across the room, only barely drunk enough to give in.


	10. UnFamily Christmas

Author's Note: As you probably gathered from the summary, a love triangle emerges in this story, and I feel like if you've read this far then I'm not spoiling anything by telling you it will have Spinner stuck between Ellie and Manny. I am extremely interested in getting reader feedback on the unfolding of this triangle. I want to know your predictions, reactions, and what you _want_ to happen. I think it will be really helpful as I write out the rest of the story. All readership (and especially reviewership) is much appreciated, thanks guys!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

On the morning of Christmas Eve, Spinner awoke to the mouth-watering aroma of cinnamon. He immediately sat up straight, smiling. When it came to food, Spinner was intensely vigilant.

"Dude, you are officially my favorite roommate," Spinner said as he walked into the kitchen and watched Ellie pull a hot pan of cinnamon rolls out of the oven.

Ellie laughed as she carefully drizzled sugary white frosting over the cinnamon rolls. "Thanks pal. But I am your only roommate, technically."

"Hey, don't forget Ferret Bueller. Up until now you guys were kind of neck and neck, but after this…." Spinner reached forward and shoved a whole cinnamon roll into his mouth, only to widen his eyes in shock and pain and spit half of it back out into a paper towel. "Ow! Crap!"

Ellie shook her head, unable to suppress a soft giggle. "Yeah, they _did_ just come out of the oven. Might be a little hot."

Spinner quickly moved towards the fridge to soothe his burnt tongue with a glass of cold milk. "Now you tell me." He poured a glass and turned back towards Ellie. "You know, you are definitely not as scary as people say you are. I mean, you bake and everything."

"People think I'm scary?" Ellie rolled her eyes and chuckled. "People must be sheltered. But this isn't even real baking, you know… you just drop the dough on the pan and pop them in the oven."

Spinner shrugged, timidly reaching out to give another cinnamon roll a chance. "It's more than I could do."

"Why does that not surprise me? Uh, Spin--" She held out her hand to stop him from devouring the cinnamon roll. "That's still gonna be hot, pal. Give it another minute." She grinned. "You're not as tough as people think you are, either."

Spinner's expression saddened somewhat. He never did like talking about what people thought of him. He changed the subject. "So you're not spending Christmas with your family?"

Ellie sighed as she went to pour her own glass of milk. "Nope. Mom called, and I might meet her for brunch tomorrow… but I'm still not sure. I don't know if I'm ready to see her yet." She took a sip of the cold milk and looked carefully at Spinner. "What about you?"

Spinner frowned. "Kendra's been sending me texts, trying to get me to come over tonight. But if I do it's just going to turn into an argument. I don't really feel like getting everyone caught up in a bunch of drama on Christmas. It's best if I just lay low."

Ellie nodded. "Well then… I guess it's just you and me. And our exquisite Christmas Eve breakfast."

"Right. So can I uh…?"

Ellie laughed. "Yes, Spin. You can eat them now."

o o o o o o o o

Later in the afternoon, Spinner and Ellie were settled in their usual spots on the couch, eating pizza and watching the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story, when Spinner's phone rang. He sighed, expecting it to be Kendra, nagging him about coming over for Christmas dinner. His stomach did somersaults as he saw the name "Manny" on the glowing caller ID screen, and he dashed at lightning speed across the apartment, tripping a few times along the way. Ellie stared, bewildered.

He went into the bathroom, the only place in the apartment that afforded privacy, and shut the door behind him. "Hello?" he answered, trying and failing not to sound winded.

"Hi, Spinner," Manny replied on the other end of the line. She spoke timidly, though her insides warmed somewhat at the sound of his voice. It had been so long since they'd spoken.

"Manny…" He could hardly believe it was real. "What's going on? How are you?"

"I'm good. I just… wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas…."

o o o o o o o o

"Are you gonna tell me what that was about?" Ellie asked as Spinner bounced happily back into place on the couch, grinning from ear to ear.

"That was Manny. And she said when her family gets back from vacation, she wants to hang out."

"Oh… wow." Even though Ellie herself had appealed to Manny to give Spinner another chance, she couldn't help but be a little surprised it had actually happened. "Well that's great. I told you she'd come around."

Spinner nodded, practically glowing with excitement. He reached for another slice of pizza, and he and Ellie relaxed into their laid-back Christmas Eve once again.

They had watched A Christmas Story one and a half more times when there was a loud, desperate knock on the door. Ellie glanced suspiciously at Spinner, wondering who would possibly stop by on Christmas Eve.

"Did you order _another _pizza, Spinner?"

Spinner shook his head, looking equally confused as he got up to answer the door.

Alex was standing in the doorway, looking tearstained and somewhat drunk. She shoved a set of car keys into Spinner's hand as she trudged into the apartment and collapsed onto the couch next to Ellie. She helped herself to the last slice of pizza.

"Sorry I didn't get your car back to you as soon as I said I would," she said darkly. "I had a bit of a run-in with the police."

"The police?" Ellie and Spinner asked in shocked unison.

Alex nodded. "For the record, my driving was excellent. But… I got stopped at one of those stupid checkpoints and I blew over the limit. So now I have a DUI, my license is suspended, and, oh yeah, I have to pay a four hundred dollar ticket that I can't afford by the end of January."

Ellie held her breath and cautiously wrapped her arm around Alex. It was hard to tell, sometimes, if Alex was willing to accept comfort. "Alex… I'm so sorry. That really sucks."

"_That_ really sucks. But did I also happen to mention that Mom and Dumbass Boyfriend have been 'celebrating' the season since they woke up this morning and are now so hammered they're breaking furniture? Whoever said this was the time for family? I fucking hate the holidays."

"Well, you're in the right place then," Spinner offered, making an awkward attempt to cheer Alex up. "No families, no presents, no corny-ness, and with that sorry excuse for a Christmas tree--"

"Hey!" snapped Ellie.

Spinner smiled. "It's practically Scrooge central in here. And you're welcome to crash."

Alex nodded, though she was far from smiling. "Yeah," she said. "I guess can hang with that."


	11. Snowball

It was cold, Alex thought to herself, listening to the snow crunch beneath every weary step she took in her tattered combat boots. Mother fucking cold. And the donut, she bitterly lamented, that she had purchased at the corner shop, was stale. It seemed nothing could cut her a break these days. She tossed the donut to the ground and muttered obscenities under her breath. Alex had no actual destination as she trudged through the cold. She walked only for walking's sake, trying to keep her ankles warm. There wasn't anywhere she felt like being on that afternoon, two days after Christmas. Least of all inside in her own skin.

A snowball came hurdling towards her from the alleyway, slamming straight into her face. The sting of the icy bite left her face raw and pink. She threw her head swiftly towards the alley, glaring daggers and ready to pounce on whatever jackass had the audacity to fuck with her.

He crept into view, grinning as slimily as ever. "Gotcha, Lexy," said Jay, beaming with pride.

Alex groaned. Of course. It was _that_ jackass.

"Please leave now, before I destroy you," she said tiredly.

"I went by your place," said Jay, ignoring her completely and moving closer towards her. "I've been there every day since Christmas, actually. You're never around."

"What can I say? I'm the wanderer. And by the way, when I told you I never wanted to speak to you again, what I meant was… I never. Want to speak to you. Again. Leave me alone."

She pulled her jacket tighter around her body and started walking away. Jay sighed and followed her, falling into stride beside her. "Come on, Lexy. You know you miss me. Look at you, you're shivering." He reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "I happen to know of a tried-and-true way to keep warm."

Alex violently yanked her arm from Jay's grasp, and pushed him hard away from her. "Seriously? Who do you think you are? More importantly, who do you think _I_ am? Do you honestly think I'm pathetic enough to come crawling back to _you_? You're dirt, Jay. I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole. I've seen what having sex with you gets me."

"Aw come on. I told you I was sorry about all that. You act like you're the only one who got… you know what. It sucked for me too. I've learned my lesson."

Alex's jaw dropped slightly as she starred at Jay in stunned disgust. "You think giving me gonorrhea is the worst thing you did to me?" She pushed him again, this time knocking him completely to the ground. "You're _unbelievable_, Jay. You really are."

She turned around briskly and marched away, leaving Jay on the ground, ass frozen in the snow.

o o o o o o o o

Manny sighed as she sauntered down Degrassi Street, and watched the white cloud of breath that escaped her lips. Jessica Simpson played through her headphones as she walked towards Emma's house. She had finally arrived back in town after vacationing with her family, and was eager to enjoy some carefree girl time, away from the suffocating environment of her parents' watchful eyes. She turned into the laneway past the school to cut across and take a shortcut to Emma's house. With the privacy the alley allowed her, she began belting out the lyrics to Jessica Simpson, dancing as she walked.

A dark female figure sulked on the wooden steps in the laneway, clutching a bottle of liquor in a paper bag and barely able to sit upright. The drunk puddle of sullen girl glanced up upon hearing Manny's singing and frowned. Manny Santos wasn't exactly the person she felt like seeing while she was wallowing at rock bottom.

"For Christ's sakes, Princess," Alex barked, drunk and mean. "If you insist on singing on the public streets, you think you could at least sing something that doesn't completely blow?"

Manny gasped slightly, startled to realize she had an audience in the lonely laneway. She tried not to blush as she stepped closer to Alex, watching her with a combination of intrigue and fear. "Sorry," Manny said with biting insincerity, pulling down her headphones. "If I'd known there were hoodrats lurking around I would have picked something a little more… gritty."

Alex struggled to sit up straight and leaned towards Manny. Her eyes were black and threatening, and her lips were pursed coyly. "Baby doll, you wouldn't know gritty if it bit you in the ass." She took a swig of the bottle and grinned menacingly at the nervous girl in front of her, breathing vodka into Manny's face. "And it just might, if you're not careful." Alex made a dramatic chomping motion towards Manny's face, snapping her teeth together abrasively. She nearly knocked herself over as she snickered at her own joke.

Manny swallowed, slightly afraid of Alex's teeth, but placed her hands on her hips and tried to appear tough. "Wow, you're drunk. In an alley. At… one in the afternoon. Real charming, Alex."

Alex inched closer, looking fierce as ever, her nose almost pressed against Manny's. "Yeah? So what if I am?" she hissed. "Who are you to judge me, Slutzilla? You don't know a goddamn thing about my life, pretty girl."

Manny rolled her eyes and bit her lip defensively. "Oh yeah? Well, you don't know anything about mine, either, so why can't you just step off?"

Manny maintained a stern glare, expecting another icy comeback. She was taken by surprise when soft tears and a slight drizzle of snot starting creeping down Alex's forlorn face.

"I know a little," Alex said softly with drunken hopelessness. "I know about the parts that suck. I know about… about being scared, and knocked up, and not having a goddamn clue what to do next." She choked on her last few words and erupted into a sloppy maudlin fit of tears, wiping her runny nose on her sleeve.

Manny stood watching in complete shock. When it came to Alex, Manny was always ready for a cutthroat verbal brawl. She never could have readied herself for this, a vulnerable and sobbing Alex spilling out her darkly harbored secret.

"You're… you're pregnant?" Manny said slowly, softening her tone of voice. Her heart stung with the memory of just how bad that first blow felt. The unthinkable, the impossible, striking you to the core with its cold hard reality.

Alex nodded miserably, throwing back another gulp of vodka.

"You're pregnant and you're _drinking_? What are you thinking?"

Alex shrugged. Her eyes were numb. "Cheaper than an abortion, eh? A lot more fun, too."

Manny dropped her ryes. It was too painful to watch: big bad Alex, wasted and lost. "You can't just… you can't just _drink_ this away, Alex. How long have you known? Did you know when you were drinking at Heather's party?" Alex's morose silence told Manny that the answer was yes. "That can't be good for you _or_ the baby."

"There can't be any baby, Manny!" Alex snapped. "You think I want to get stuck raising the spawn of that… that lying manwhore? Who the hell's gonna help me raise this thing? Jay? My mom? Not a snowball's chance in hell, Princess. I'm in this shit alone. My life is over, this bastard child is going to suck the life and money out of me, and I'll end up just like my mother… A bitter, drunken welfare case."

"What about an abortion? Have you talked to anyone?"

"What part of in it _alone_ don't you get, Santos? It's all on me. No one else can know, no one else can help. And I almost had all the money I need for the abortion saved up but, lo and behold, I'm now stuck with a giant DUI fine to pay off. So I'm screwed. Get rid of the baby now, and serve jail time in January, or pay off my fine in time and get stuck giving up the next eighteen years of my life."

Alex's tears kept falling, gently, down her cold face. A slight breeze picked up and tunneled down the laneway, tickling the skin of the two girls as they fell into silence. The wind whipped dark locks of long hair around Manny's face as she watched the sad girl in front of her. She felt like she was almost about to start crying, too.

Timidly, she reached out and put her hand on Alex's shoulder. Timidly, Alex let her. She lifted her eyes and met Manny's, suddenly grateful to at least have another warm body standing beside her.

"If it's what you want, you should get the abortion," Manny said. "I'll help you. I'll help you with whatever you need to make it happen."

"And what about my DUI?"

"We'll worry about that when we come to it. We'll figure it out."

Alex sniffled, fighting a smile as she glanced sideways at Manny. "We? What makes you on my team all of the sudden?"

Manny sighed. "No one should have to go through this alone. No one. When I wanted an abortion, my best friend wasn't even there for me. Craig practically hated my guts for it. I knew it was the right thing for me but it sucked to have to feel alone for all that. I wouldn't wish that kind of loneliness on anyone… not even someone who wears combat boots."

Alex let out a soundless chuckle. She handed the bottle of vodka to Manny. "Care for a taste?"

Manny took the bottle and tossed it into a nearby trash can. "No thanks. A little early for me. But… how about we get out of this freezing cold weather? Hot chocolate at the Dot, maybe? On me." Girl time with Emma would just have to be put on hold.

Alex shrugged and wiped her the tears from her face. "Thanks but… no thanks. I'd rather just be alone."

Manny watched, sadly, as Alex marched away.


	12. The Plan

"So um, explain to me why the clowns have a warehouse full of fireworks?" Ellie asked, wrinkling her brow at the movie Spinner had picked out for the evening, Clown Academy.

Spinner threw up his hands incredulously. "Um, why _wouldn't_ they have a warehouse full of fireworks? Trust me, it makes a lot more sense during the nun chase scene later."

"Ah. Right. Obviously."

In the lazy days of winter break, Ellie and Spinner had taken to resolving their profoundly different tastes in movies by taking turns with the selection. This had often produced hilarious results. Ellie shivered where she sat, watching Spinner with a smile as she wondered how he could possibly find this movie as entertaining as he seemed to. She inched closer to him for warmth and, casually, she rested her head in his lap.

As soon as she placed her mane of cherry locks on top of him, she suddenly realized the awkwardness of her decision. It had been a thoughtless, instinctual action, something she did comfortably with Marco all the time in similar situations. But with Spinner, it felt like she had crossed a line. Taken a leap in their friendship level that went too far.

Spinner felt similarly unnerved and surprised as soon as he noticed the warmth of a girl so near to him. He had been feeling so alone and rejected lately that he was taken aback by how soothing even the simplest of physical contact felt. Ellie snuggled her face against his leg, and after a moment of hesitation, Spinner slid his hands towards her face. As casually as he could manage, he stroked his fingers through her soft hair…

The front door flew open and the two of them flinched in shock, snapping out of their cozy position as quickly as possible. Marco stormed into the apartment in a flurry, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Guys, my parents finally ungrounded me for coming home drunk the other night, and the guilt is eating me alive!" he exclaimed dramatically. He was hardly aware of the embarrassment that flushed in Spinner and Ellie's cheeks.

Spinner's face contorted into its usual expression of oblivious confusion. "What, you think you should be grounded for longer or something?"

Marco rolled his eyes. "I don't feel guilty for being ungrounded, Spinner, I feel guilty for what Alex is having to deal with. I was too drunk to drive and too drunk to tell Alex she shouldn't, either. Now she's got to pay for that stupid ticket and it's all my fault."

Ellie sighed, looking sadly at her hands. "No, it's my fault. I was the sober one, I should have taken more responsibility. I never should have given her Spinner's keys."

"Well, either way, Alex is in trouble and I feel terrible," Marco said with a frown. "We've got to do something."

"Dude, I mean, what can we do?" Spinner asked, scratching his head and shrugging doubtfully. "I mean, in case you need to take another look around this place, we aren't exactly rolling in extra cash."

Marco nodded, deflating.

The group was quiet for a moment as they pondered solutions that none of them actually had. Ellie bit her lip, timidly mulling over the first thing that came to her mind. "What about… what about this contest I heard about? It's a Battle of the Bands type thing at the mall. It's kind of soon, but the prize is five hundred dollars and Spinner and I were talking about entering it."

Spinner's brow furled. "We were? I thought we were like, joking around. You can't win a battle of the bands with just a drummer and a guitarist."

Ellie sighed and shook her head at Spinner. "Okay, you're right, but if Marco plays bass, I think we could do it. The song we've been working on is really good."

Marco eyed Ellie doubtfully. "Wouldn't we kinda be putting all our eggs in one basket with that one?" he asked.

"I mean, I don't know of any other last minute fundraisers that cater to our strengths and get us that kind of money in one fell swoop."

"Our strengths? I wouldn't get too excited there, El. Who's to say we'd even win?"

"Oh crap," Spinner interrupted, operating on another train of thought. He jumped off the couch, fishing around on the floor for his work shirt and jacket. "I'd better get to the Dot."

"I thought your shift didn't start til six?" said Ellie, watching him scramble in confusion.

"Yeah but… I've got to get there early to do some stuff… and I'm totally gonna be late." He grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter, waved carelessly goodbye to Marco and Ellie, and ran out the door.

Ellie looked at Marco. "Late for getting there early? Doesn't really make sense to me."

Marco shook his head dismissively. "It's Spinner. Look, even if we do do this band thing, who's going to sing? Because it's not going to me… need I resurface the botched Downtown Sasquatch demo? Or remind you of my karaoke skills?"

"I can't really handle more than backup vocals myself," Ellie sighed, noticing the snag in her plan. "And Spinner, well… Yeah, Spinner should not be near a microphone. So what about… Ashley? She's got a great voice."

"Yeah, I really don't think Ash is going to sign on for any project involving Spinner. Same goes for Craig, Paige, and basically anyone else we know who can carry a tune." Marco rested his hand comfortingly on Ellie's shoulder. He wanted the idea to work just as much as she did, so they could help Alex, but without a solid lead singer, it wouldn't matter how great the band sounded. You had to have a frontman to win over the crowd's favor, someone sexy and charismatic. Or… maybe a frontwoman.

"You know El, maybe there is someone out there who isn't 100 percent anti-Spinner. Someone who can sing pretty well. Someone who could be swayed to join the cause. Not easily, of course… but I think I could convince her."

Ellie wrinkled her brow. Her mind was drawing a complete blank to available female singers who didn't hate Spinner's guts. "Who?"

Marco grinned mischievously.

o o o o o o o o

At the Dot, Spinner was waiting nervously in the back booth, tugging at his hoodie strings impatiently. The bell on the front door rang, and he glanced up instantly in anticipation. Manny walked through the door wearing a fuzzy magenta coat, shaking snowflakes from her raven hair. Spinner smiled and waved her over. Cautiously, Manny joined him at his table.

"I got you a slice of the chocolate pie," he said, motioning towards the dish on the table. "Your favorite."

Manny smiled softly and sighed, watching the glow in Spinner's overly excited face. Behind all the smartass moves and tough talk that was characteristically Spinner, he was always a sap when it came to girls. He was almost tailor-made for Manny, it seemed: a romantic and an asshole all in one package.

"Thanks," she said gently.

Spinner blushed. "So how was your vacation? Did you have fun?" It was hard for him to play it cool on any level. He was so happy to be sitting so close to her again, breathing in her scent, meeting her eyes.

"It was alright. You know, big brother making cracks all the time, parents breathing down my neck… usual Santos family time." Spinner nodded with a careful laugh, and Manny felt her heart break. The resolve with which she had agreed to this meeting was weakening. She had meant to make things better, but now she realized she was only going to hurt him again. "But, Spinner… I came here to say I'm sorry. When everything about Jimmy came out, I just flipped out. I didn't even know how to talk to you. It was awful. But… I should have been more mature."

Spinner's expression faded from elated to serious. He reached out for Manny's hand. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I would ever do anything to lose you."

Manny bit her lip and inched her hand carefully out from under his. She found Alex's words the night of Heather's party float to the surface in her mind. "We all… make mistakes. So that's… that's all I came here to say. I'm sorry if I hurt you, and I'm sorry we didn't work out. Really."

She walked away, leaving Spinner crestfallen and the slice of chocolate pie untouched.


	13. The Save Alex Fund

Manny was seated comfortably in her favorite spot in Marco's bedroom, the plush orange beanbag chair. Thus far, Marco had been pacing and delicately emitting a stream of fast talking and stumbling pauses. She stared at him with wide, incredulous eyes, lips pursed in confusion.

"I'm sorry, what? You want me to join your, uh, rock band?" she said slowly. The only other time she'd been asked to join a band was as a joke, to piss off Craig and Ashley, a task she eagerly accepted. But a real band? "With… Spinner and Ellie? And you need me _why_? Is tambourine really that crucial of an instrument?"

Marco sat down on the side of his bed, focusing intently on keeping his face soft and persuasive. "We need you to sing, Manny. Everyone heard you at karaoke night and we think you're great. And it's just a temporary rock band. A… fundraiser, really."

"Fundraiser?"

Marco hesitated. Obstacle number one was getting Manny to even entertain the idea of spending prolonged periods of time around Spinner. Obstacle number two was getting her to agree to that, all for the sake of someone she didn't even like. "Yeah, well, it's… for Alex. I know she's not exactly your favorite person, but she's in trouble. She has to pay for this lame DUI ticket and it's really kind of my fault and I'd feel awful if she had to go to jail or something and if you could just help me out pretty please…"

"It's for Alex's DUI?" Manny interrupted, cutting short Marco's ramble of begging. She thought back to her strange and painful encounter with Alex in the laneway. Marco opened his mouth to spill out more pleading, but Manny spoke again, decisively, before he could. "I'll do it. I'll help."

Marco smiled, somewhat stunned at how easy it had been. "Thank you so much, Manny. You're a gem."

"Well, duh, Marco."

Manny plastered on a playful smile, masking her deeper reasons for wanting to help Alex. Joining the band was worth it to help her, since Manny knew she was in way more trouble than Marco could even imagine. But Spinner… Spinner was going to be an issue. It had taken every ounce of strength to finally say goodbye to him for real at the Dot. Could she really be around him constantly and keep her feelings under control?

o o o o o o o o

Even though Alex knew that, physically, the thing growing inside her was still microscopic in size, the knowledge of it made her feel heavier these days. The weight of it was unbearable. Her steps were slow, and her chin drooped towards her chest as she walked through the hallway of Ellie's apartment complex. There really wasn't anyone she felt like talking to at the moment, even Ellie, but she had been prodded into coming by a lot of begging and by the promise of something she couldn't refuse.

Wearily, Alex knocked on the door, and Ellie opened it instantly. She stood in the doorway with an exaggerated smile, holding out a package of Marshmallow Fudge Cookies. "You take the first one," she said.

Alex took a handful of the snacks and wandered sadly towards the kitchen, untouched by Ellie's efforts to cheer her up. She sat on a stool and chewed quietly on Ellie's kindness offering. "What's this?" she asked, picking up an opened envelope with Sean's name by the return address.

Ellie blushed and rolled her eyes, pulling up a seat beside Alex. "Ah. That would be Sean's lame excuse for an apology letter, telling me how he's sorry if our break-up was a little harsh, after which he goes on for twice as long telling me how happy he is in Wasaga. You know, describing in great detail how much he's so not missing me." Ellie grabbed a marshmallow fudge cookie and shoved it into her mouth with a sigh. "Guys have this impeccable talent for meaning well, and still saying all the wrong things to make you feel ten times worse."

"Tell me something I don't know," Alex replied bitterly. "I'm done with it. I think I'm switching teams. Sounds easy enough, right? Fix cars, play softball, listen to Ani Defranco? I could do the lesbo thing."

Ellie raised her eyebrows. "You? Listening to Ani Defranco? It would never work out."

Alex shrugged. "Point taken."

Ellie was quick to pick up on the lifelessness in Alex's face. Even when they were joking around like usual, it was obvious she was somewhere else, and it was saddening to watch. "Alright, enough. Sulking officially ends today. It's time for my surprise."

"Marshmallow cookies weren't the surprise?"

"No. It's about your DUI." Ellie handed her the flyer for the Battle of the Bands competition.

Alex raised her eyebrows skeptically. "So, what? You're saying when I go to court in January, we're going to ROCK THE JUDGE so hard he'll dismiss the charges?"

"Very funny, but no. This is the Save Alex Fund. We're going to harness the power of rock to win the prize money and pay off your ticket."

Alex was taken aback, watching the eagerness in Ellie's eyes. It was hard for her to wrap her brain around the idea that anyone gave enough of a damn to try and help her out with such a huge problem. "Who is _we_?" she asked curiously.

"Me, Spin, Marco and… well, Manny."

Alex's eyes widened. "Manny Santos? Are you serious?"

Ellie nodded. "I know, kind of an odd match, but we needed a singer, and Marco just called me earlier to tell me she was officially in."

Alex's eyes fell as she drifted into deep thought. "I can't believe she'd sign on for helping me…" she said slowly. It was so strange to think of Manny, thinking of her. Alex didn't even have the courage to tell Ellie or Marco about her pregnancy. Why was it that Manny seemed to be the only one she felt okay accepting help from?

From the hallway, the two girls suddenly heard two boisterous male voices roaring the Clown Academy theme song, heading closer to the door. Ellie instantly recognized one of them as Spinner, and Alex recognized the other as someone she definitely didn't feel like seeing. Moments later the apartment door swung open, and sure enough, Jay and Spinner stumbled inside. Spinner was clutching a bottle of Evan Williams as the two of them sang and laughed loudly.

"Ladies!" greeted Jay, his voice laced with cheap whiskey. "Congratulations! We have brought the party to you! No applause necessary, please."

Spinner laughed at Jay's bad joke. He threw Jay a high five and missed miserably, before flopping onto the couch and shamelessly tossing back bottle of whiskey. Ellie and Alex watched, stunned and decidedly unimpressed. Ellie watched in horror as Spinner nursed the whiskey and Jay slithered over to the kitchen counter, attempting to snag a marshmallow cookie.

Alex's eyes went ice cold as she immediately slapped his hand away. "Ellie, I think I'll be leaving now," she said. She tucked the package of cookies under her arm and walked angrily towards the door.

"No, wait," Ellie called after her desperately. "You shouldn't have to leave. Jay, _you_ get out."

Alex merely shook her head in disgust at Jay before leaving and shutting the door behind her. Jay shrugged innocently. "Come on now, Nash, I'm Spinner's guest. Don't I deserve a little respect?"

Ellie glared. "No. And neither does Spinner, at the moment. You're both pathetic. So you should _both_ leave."

Spinner rose up from where he was reclined on the couch in a mild stupor. "Huh?"

Ellie's voice grew louder and more impatient. "You heard me. I'm not going to sit here and put up with this in my own apartment. _Get out_."


	14. Help

Alex skulked quietly into her apartment upon coming home from Ellie's. Her mother, Emily, was drinking on the couch, her body flailing as she laughed at a corny gameshow. Chaz was passed out beside her, still clutching a beer. Alex walked as quickly as she could towards her bedroom, hoping perhaps her mother wouldn't even be able to see her through her drunken blur. But she did.

"Hey monkey," she chirped. Her lips spread into a joyful grin. She was in that drunk happy place, where nothing was wrong. "Wanna come watch TV with mom?"

Alex was not in that drunk happy place, and indeed everything _was_ wrong. "No… I've got homework," she answered flatly. She turned away and walked into her bedroom.

Emily didn't even make note of the fact that Alex was on winter break, and shouldn't have any homework. She hadn't even noticed. Alex ran her fingers through her silken black hair as she sighed, curling up on her bed. Emily had a way of not noticing things. She lived a life of blissful obliviousness, drowning her worries in booze, erasing the bruises on her heart and body with the healing power of alcohol.

It had been Alex, throughout her tumultuous childhood, who had been forced to watch with frightened and sober eyes, all of the horrible truths her mother brushed aside. Where her mother had been weak, she had been forced to be strong. And now what? Repeat the cycle? Become a detached and emotionally unavailable mother, just like her own? Or force herself into the dilemma of having to be strong enough to care for a mother, a child, _and_ herself?

She placed her hand on her belly, and started to cry.

Choking on her tears, fighting them back as she had done so many screaming nights in her childhood, she picked up her phone and dialed Marco's number.

"Hey. It's Alex. This is going to sound random but, I need something from you…"

o o o o o o o o

Thus far, their interactions had been friendly and easy-going; playfully mean at worst. But the curtness in Ellie's voice as she demanded that he leave was a shock to Spinner. He had never heard her talk that way. She'd been mad about the toilet seat before, but that was nothing compared to the fiery loathing in her eyes in that moment.

Jay merely chuckled. "What are you, his mommy?" he snickered. He smacked Spinner on the shoulder. "You gonna take that, dude?"

Spinner sighed, gazing at Ellie's defiant eyes. "Jay, you should probably go, man," he said, sloppily passing him the bottle of Evan Williams. "Thanks for the whiskey. I'll, um, catch you later."

Jay's eyes widened in disbelief before he shook his head in defeat. "Sad times. You are totally whipped. And you aren't even getting any."

Jay shuffled out the door, and even as it clicked shut behind him, Ellie's stern gaze with Spinner was unbroken.

"What's your problem?" Spinner asked her. "Why the hell are you flipping out like this"

"Why would you bring Jay over here without asking me, completely smashed?" she snapped back.

Spinner snarled defensively. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I paid half the rent here. I have to ask _you_ before I bring my friends over here? I need your permission to drink?"

Ellie shook her head angrily. "Jay? Your friend? I think you were better off with _no_ friends."

Spinner turned his face away, stung and seething from the hurtfulness of Ellie's words. Twice today he'd been burned by the two girls he thought about the most. Slowly he sat back down on the couch, suddenly wishing he hadn't given up Jay's whiskey.

As soon as it escaped her lips, Ellie realized she'd gone too far. The sadness in Spinner's drunken face was painful to witness. Her anger steadily gave way to disappointment. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm angry. I just don't like seeing you like this. Why were you drinking with Jay? Your shift doesn't even end for another hour."

Spinner shrugged, looking gloomy. "Jay stopped by and I decided to skip out early."

"Why'd you do that?" she asked incredulously, throwing up her hands in frustration. "You really think you can afford to lose your job? With rent to pay?"

"Maybe. Maybe that's what you need. A good excuse to kick me out."

Ellie sighed. She paced back and forth for a moment, snapping at her rubber band as she juggled her fury and her despair back and forth in her mind. She wanted to be angry at him, but she wanted to feel sorry for him, too. She sat down beside him and stared at her knees, putting her words together slowly.

"I don't want to kick you out, Spinner. I love living with you. It's actually been really good for me. Having a friend, not being alone. I kind of think we make a good team… And I never thought I'd say that about Spinner Mason." She laughed softly, but it died quickly. "I just… I know the difference, okay? I know when someone's drinking for fun, when it's harmless or whatever, and when they're drinking because they're depressed and they don't know what else to do."

She lifted her eyes and looked at him, but Spinner kept staring away. He didn't say anything.

Ellie continued, feeling a heaviness in her heart as she resurfaced painful thoughts. "This is supposed to be my sanctuary, Spin. It's my safe place. I had to move out on my own because my mother was drunk and sad and destructive, and it was driving me crazy. It was making me so crazy I was cutting myself just to deal. I can't be around that kind of thing again. I'm sorry. I want to help you but… don't make me go through _that_ again. I can't."

Spinner exhaled slowly, finally looking Ellie in the eye. He knew what she did; everyone knew, it was no secret at Degrassi. But this was the first time she had ever talked about it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I don't want to mess with your… sanctionary." Embarrassingly, Spinner found inebriated tears welling up in his eyes. "I like living with you, too. You're like, my only friend. And today before work, I met with Manny… I thought she wanted to get back together… but she wanted to make sure I knew I was dumped. Just in case there was any confusion. I just… suck."

Suddenly he was crying, and to Ellie's surprise, she found herself holding him. His face buried in her shoulder, she squeezed her arms around him. She was almost worried by how nice and warm he felt. But not worried enough to stop.

Spinner stroked Ellie's back as his tears quietly faded. She was soft to the touch, and felt warm to his cold drunk hands. He eased out of her grasp and looked at her face, smooth and adorable. Impulsively, he dove forward and kissed her.

Entranced at first by the pleasure of feeling moist lips against her own, Ellie's mind quickly went into shock at the realization of what was happening. "Whoa, Spinner…" she said, pulling away.

Spinner blushed. "I'm sorry. I was just… Sorry."

Ellie struggled to look him in the eye. Her expression was serious. "It's um, it's cool. I just think we have to be careful, you know. Not to let things go… that direction. We're both lonely, and obviously both a little depressed… I don't want us to get tangled up in something we don't want. We're just friends, right?"

Spinner looked away, still blushing. "Right."

"Let's just pretend it never happened, okay?"

"Right. Never happened."

o o o o o o o o

Manny sat cozily in her pajamas on the living room couch, flipping back and forth between MTV and the Food Network while her mom finished cleaning up the kitchen. There was a knock at the door, to the surprise of both of the Santos women, and Manny's mother went to answer it.

A few moments later, Manny's eyes widened in bewilderment as her mother led Alex Nunez into their house. She sighed at her daughter. "Manuela, you know you're not supposed to have guests over this late," she scolded.

"Sorry Mama, I didn't know," Manny answered.

Mrs. Santos shrugged and left the two girls alone as she returned to her cleaning. Manny looked up at Alex, who was looking like a tearstained wreck.

"You're lucky you're not a boy, and that my dad isn't the one who answered the door," she half-joked. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or how she was supposed to say it. Who knew Alex would be showing up at her house?

"Sorry," Alex replied hoarsely. "I um… I asked Marco where you lived. I wanted to talk to you… about what we talked about the other day. I'm going to get the abortion. I was wondering… I was hoping…" The tears were hard for Alex to fight.

Manny exhaled knowingly. "You want me to come with you?"

Reluctantly, Alex nodded. She wasn't used to needing or even wanting help from anyone. "Yeah. I just… I don't want to do it alone."

Manny nodded.


	15. Polyphony

There was perhaps never a more awkward endeavor than Day One of combining the musical stylings of Ellie, Marco, Manny, and Spinner. It began with a tense, tedious silence as they sat in Marco's basement, and from there it progressed into strained and uninteresting small talk. It look Ellie to command some leadership. She tore scribbled pages from her notebook and laid them on the floor. So there was their task. There was their song. So… what came next?

What had been painful quiet soon snowballed into the opposite, a manic cacophony of ideas, whining, arguing, frustration, and careless clunking around on instruments. The temperatures of the band members rose with the frustration of the fruitless chaotic noise.

Ellie could think of nothing else to do but play the melody on her guitar over and over again, imagining that surely it would all just fall together. Weakly, she tried to explain the way all the components should sound, but no one was really catching on. Spinner had nothing to offer in the way of verbal direction, but seemed to think it would help if he puttered idly on the snare while everyone else fought to have their voices heard over everyone else. Manny sighed impatiently as wrinkled her brow at the lyrics, belting out the occasional random notes, trying to fit them in with Ellie's melody but unable to keep up. Marco continually smacked his palms against his cheeks in frustration, overwhelmed by the confusion, nagging at Ellie to explain the chord progression, and yelling at Spinner to quit drumming.

"Okay, okay. _Okay._ Okay!" Ellie snapped at last. The others fell into silence as she put down her guitar and rubbed her temples. "Maybe we should like, slow down. Start over. Let's break it down into parts." She reached for her notebook. "Marco, I'll write down the chords and you and Spinner can put a bassline together with the rhythm. Manny and I can go outside and I'll teach her the melody. We can practice the parts individually and then try to put them together."

The others slowly nodded and carried out her instructions. Outside on Marco's back porch, the air was brisk and crisp. "Not exactly the best temperature for the vocal chords," Ellie said. "But it'll make it easier to get started."

Ellie always found it awkward to talk with Manny. She had only ever really known her as the cheerleader who'd stolen her best friend's boyfriend, which hadn't put her in a positive light. They were just from two different worlds. Ellie had certainly never expected they'd be making music together.

Manny held the scribbled pages of lyrics in her hands, trying to soak them in and memorize them. "So these lyrics… you and Spinner wrote them?" she asked. Her dark eyes moved slowly across the page, dazzled by the weight of each lyric.

"Oh. Well, kind of. Spinner talked… about, you know, things he's been going through. And I turned them into lyrics. It was kind of an improvisational collaboration."

Manny nodded vaguely, staring at the words. "They're… dark. It's really good. Just dark."

Ellie swallowed, not really sure of what to say. "Right… well, how about we start with the first verse. This is how the melody for the first line goes…"

o o o o o o o o

Over the next few hours, and slowly over the next two grueling days, each piece of the polyphony was honed. By Day Three they even managed to play the song all together, all the way through. It wasn't perfect, but it was the first time they'd made it through without having to stop because of disagreements or huge mistakes. The last note that Manny crooned left the basement ringing with a crisp sense of completion.

"Alright!" Spinner cheered, standing up from his drum set to give Marco a high five. Everyone was glowing with excitement. "You guys, that was awesome."

Manny was grinning from ear to ear, clapping with excitement. She reached out and gave Marco a hug, and then did the same with Spinner. "Spinner's right, this is totally going to come together in time." She and Spinner exchanged smiles, barely able to tear their eyes away from each other. "Write it down, December 30, 2004, the beginning of the beginning. It's going to be great."

The moment was just a hair short of turning awkward as Spinner and Manny made eyes with one another, when the alarm on Manny's cell phone went off. "Oh, wow," she said, turning it off. "I've gotta jet, guys, I'm supposed to be somewhere."

Ellie's folded her arms incredulously. "You're leaving? But we finally got through the song… we should keep going, really get familiar with the feel of it."

Manny bit her lip and shrugged. "Sorry, it's… really important. I can't get out of it. You think you can still give me a ride, Spinner?"

"Sure thing," said Spinner, putting down his sticks.

Ellie's jaw dropped. She looked hopelessly to Marco, who clearly didn't want to be involved. "What? You're leaving, too? You guys, the contest is only a week away."

"Come on, El, we've been practicing for hours," said Spinner. "We'll pick it up again tomorrow."

Ellie could only stand there, stupefied, as Spinner and Manny trotted out the door. She sighed and looked at Marco. "Can you believe them? Are they even taking this seriously at all?"

Marco rolled his eyes as he lifted the strap of his bass over his head. "Of course they are, El," he said. "We've all been working really hard for the past three days, for hours at a time. I don't think it will hurt to take a little break. I don't know what my mom's cooking up there but it smells amazing. Let's eat some dinner and watch a movie or something."

Ellie's indignant face didn't budge. "I'm just saying, we could be getting a lot more done if Spinner and Manny weren't goofing off and flirting all the time. Aren't they supposed to be broken up?"

Marco raised his eyebrows and suppressed a chuckle. He wrapped his arm around Ellie and looked at her skeptically. "You know, I think it's cute Spinner and Manny can still get along so well. And if I didn't know better, I'd say you're sounding a little jealous."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Jealous? Of what? I have nothing to be jealous about. If they want to flirt and make goo-goo eyes at each other that is totally fine with me. They just need to do it outside of practice, so we can actually get things done. I'm trying to stay goal-oriented."

Marco merely smirked as he steered Ellie towards the stairs. "Uh-huh. So it has nothing to do with your obvious crush on Spinner."

"Ew. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Thanks, Marco." Ellie sighed. "Spinner's cool and all, I wouldn't trade him for the world. But this is _Spinner_ we're talking about. The guy thinks Nietchze is a kind of cracker. He thinks Nelson Mandela is a singer from the 80s. He's not exactly my type."

Marco shrugged. "Yeah, well, neither was Sean." He felt Ellie tense up at the mention of Sean's name, and he felt a little guilty. "Look, I'm not trying to give you a hard time or make you feel weird. I just want you to be honest with yourself, El. About… whatever you may happen to feel."

Ellie and Marco walked through the door into the kitchen, and Ellie was spared continuing this conversation by Mrs. Del Rossi's warm greeting. The smiling woman was ready with a spoon full of sauce, holding it out for Ellie to taste. Ellie tried not to think about the kiss from a few days before, her unexplained frustration with Spinner and Manny's flirting, and Marco's accusations. It was territory she wasn't ready to explore.


	16. The Appointment

Notes: I'm _so_ sorry that this update took so long, and that this chapter is kind of short. The semester is in full swing now and I'm totally swamped with schoolwork. I'm hoping to get the updates back up to speed as soon as possible. Thanks for your patience.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was painfully quiet inside Spinner's car as they rode towards the Garrison Women's Health Clinic. Alex sat alone in the back seat, chewing on her cuticles, staring out the window. When Manny had offered her a ride for her abortion appointment, she had hardly expected Spinner to be the one behind the wheel. This whole ordeal was nerve-racking enough without having a bunch of spectators. Her stomach churned as her toes curled nervously inside her shoes.

"Why don't you drop us off here, Spin, and you can find a place to park," said Manny. She unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car as it came to a stop. Alex slowly followed, sulking.

As they walked through the doors of the clinic, Alex was taken by surprise when Manny grabbed her hand and squeezed their fingers together. "How do you feel?" she asked, sincere concern in her eyes.

Alex turned her head away coldly, though she somehow couldn't let go of the comfort of Manny's grasp. "I'd feel a lot better if we hadn't had to bring Spinner along," she said angrily.

Manny frowned. "I know. I'm sorry. But Spinner's dumb as a log. I told him we're both here to get PAP smears, and as soon as I started explaining what a speculum is, he stopped asking questions."

Alex couldn't help but chuckle just a little. She took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's do this." She looked at Manny, those wide black eyes full of comfort and confidence. Her insides were flipping and flopping in all sorts of directions, and only squeezing Manny's hand kept her grounded. "Thanks for coming with me, Manny. You're a tougher chick than I gave you credit for."

Manny sighed dramatically. "Shh, shh, don't get carried away. You might come close to complimenting me, and I don't want you to go into this with any regrets."

Alex smiled. "No regrets. I know I'm doing what's best." She paused, looking ahead to the line at the front desk where she needed to check in. "I kind of… don't think I can handle going home to my mom's tonight. Do you think I could stay with you?"

Manny nodded and gave Alex's hand another squeeze. "No problem."

Taking another heavy inhalation, Alex stepped forward to the front desk.

o o o o o o o o

Spinner bounced his toes uncomfortably up and down as he sat in the waiting room of the ladies' clinic. It was a little too much to take in. Everyone from fifteen year old girls to fifty year old women sat in the pale plastic chairs all across the room. Parenting and Sexual Health magazines littered the tables. Osteoporosis awareness ads and pictures of vaginas plastered every wall. He cranked the Sex Pistols louder on his discman.

Manny emerged from one of the doors suddenly, and he felt a wave of relief at last. "Where's Alex?" he asked.

"Oh, she'll be awhile longer," said Manny, lying like an expert as she sat down beside Spinner and casually picked up a Parenting magazine. Years of painting a portrait of an immaculate Catholic girl for her father had taught her a thing or two. "I made my appointment a lot earlier than her so she was way further down the list."

Spinner nodded uncomfortably, disappointed by the news that he'd have to be waiting even longer. "That's uh, kinda weird that you guys do… well, _this_ kind of stuff together. Girls, I mean."

Manny shrugged without looking him in the eye. "Might as well knock it out and save on transportation costs, right? There are some things _all_ girls have in common, Spin, even girls as different as me and Alex."

Spinner shuddered involuntarily. "Okayyy, so, anyway… How 'bout those Maple Leafs?" Manny giggled. It was kind of adorable to watch Spinner squirm. Similarly, Spin felt a trickle of warmth as he watched Manny's lips spread into her signature smile.

"I really love having you in the band," Spinner said, blushing. "I love your voice. It's amazing."

Manny looked away, trying to hide her own blushing. "Thanks. And… thanks for your help today. For the ride."

Spinner nodded, watching her tuck her hair behind her ear. It was sort of torturous to be so close to her. But he wouldn't have had it any other way. "No problem."

They waited for another hour and a half, and Spinner's attention span as well as the tedious torment of being unable to act on his desire to kiss Manny right on her pretty mouth were about to give way. Alex emerged slowly from the doorway, looking exhausted. Manny stood up immediately and approached her. They shared a gaze for a moment, and cautiously, Manny took Alex in an embrace. Spinner wrinkled his nose in confusion. Girls were so weird.

The threesome exited the clinic, Alex and Manny waiting outside the door as Spinner brought the car back to pick them up. Just as the two girls were climbing into the car, Manny stopped.

"Crap," she said. "I left my scarf in the waiting room. Be right back, guys."

o o o o o o o o

Across the street from the Women's Health Clinic was a cozy little deli. Paige was fond of it because it was never crowded and was on a side of town where she was certain not to run into any of her classmates. This made it an ideal location for dates with her newfound loverboy, the scruffy Matt Oleander.

She smiled as she looked across the table and dabbed his lip. "You've got a little mustard there, honey bee," she said sweetly.

Matt nodded in thanks for the assistance, but wrinkled his brow at the nickname. "Honey bee?" he questioned with a smirk. "I didn't realize we were ready for pet names. Exciting."

Paige laughed awkwardly, regretting her choice of words. So maybe recycling pet names wasn't the best course of action. She coughed and turned her head, looking out the glass window. Across the street, she was astounded to see Spinner's familiar clunky car in front of the clinic. "Is that Manny Santos?" she pondered out loud in shock.

Matt instinctively twitched and quickly covered his face with a menu. "Do you think she saw us?" he asked nervously.

Paige watched in shock as she saw Manny climb into Spinner's car. What were they doing together at the health clinic? She was itching with curiosity and at the same time, wondering why it made her so tense to see them together again. "No," she said. "I… don't think they saw us."

But Paige was far more interested in what she had seen than in the possibility of being seen herself.


	17. Throatier

Note: Again, sorry for the delay. It's going to continue to be slow-going until my term projects and finals are done at the beginning of December. But hey, the twists and turns this story will take have just begun, and I'm really excited to write the chapters to come. It ain't called 'Like a Record' for nothing! Also, I've realized I'm going to have to name this little band, so I'm happy to take suggestions from the readers. Thanks for reading, hope you stay tuned.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

For the members of the Save Alex Band, the new year rang in with little glitter or excitement. Hours of every day were spent playing the same song, over and over again, fighting here and there as they tweaked each note and rhythm to perfection. It was tedious but also rewarding as the sound grew crisper and more powerful with every run. It was stuck in their heads as they fell asleep each night, and even managed to distract them from the sexual tension and romantic woes that brewed in each of their individual minds. Memories of Sean, longing for Dylan, fantasizing about Manny, feeling bewildered over Spinner… there was less time for those kinds of thoughts when they were all united with the goal of one perfect song.

Alex had been spending a lot of time at Manny's house, slowly recovering mentally from the reality of everything she'd been through in that short stretch of time. With every day that passed, though, she felt stronger and more at peace. She could only take things one step at a time, with her looming court date being the next of life's hurdles, but she was starting to feel comfortable with that mindset. She felt more like Alex again, and she liked it. Hanging out with Manny proved to be more than just a comforting sanctuary from home. When alone, hidden away from the brutal social politics of adolescence, the two had a spark. Movies, girly drinks, air hockey, French fries, and of course endless banter characterized their fun afternoons together. Alex found herself both alarmed and fascinated that she could love spending time with someone she had so easily written off in the beginning. It made her question a lot about herself, her assumptions… her feelings.

Alex started coming to rehearsals, mooching the benefits of Marco's mother's generosity with snacks, hiding from the annoyances of her own mother, and taking her mind off her own close call with motherhood. She smiled as she watched Manny croon sexily.

"_Cover me_

_Like the smoldering flame_

_That consumes my heart_

_While you walk… away."_

Manny's last note rang clear and solid as Ellie struck the final chord and Spinner's drumroll came to a halt. Each of the band members nodded at each other, exhausted but satisfied. Spinner jumped up from his seat to grab a swig of his soda while Marco tuned his bass. Ellie turned to Manny and started discussing ideas for the melody.

"So, you wrote that song?" Alex asked Spinner as he walked past her.

Spinner shrugged with a hint of smugness. "Yeah, kind of," he said, but as his gaze slowly moved across the room towards Ellie, he blushed and chuckled softly at himself. "Well, a little bit. I helped. It was mostly Ellie. Pretty much totally Ellie."

"I just think we could make the sound a little heavier," Ellie was explaining to Manny. "Maybe if you could get a little throatier on the bridge, build the crescendo…"

Manny wrinkled her button nose in confusion. "Throatier?" she responded blankly. She could barely understand any of the direction Ellie ever gave her, let alone understand how to make the changes to her vocal style.

Alex grinned and interjected. "Come on, Santos. She means give it some edge. It's a song about being fucked over. Being alone. You know that story, don't you?"

Manny shrugged. What did it matter what the song was about? She still didn't know any other way to sing than to just sing. "Throatier?" she repeated, looking clueless.

Alex bit her lip. "Okay, I have an idea. Come here." Alex motioned and Manny curiously walked over. Spinner, Ellie, and Marco watched in bewilderment as Alex whispered something into Manny's ear. Alex's eyes were devilish and secretive, and whatever she was suggesting was making Manny blush and giggle hysterically.

"Okay, okay," said Manny, laughing as she returned to Ellie's side. She snapped her fingers excitedly and pointed at the guitar. "Take it from the bridge again, I've got it this time."

Shrugging, Ellie began playing the chords and Manny clutched the microphone seductively. Her voice was thick and husky as she sang the words of the bridge, closing her eyes as each line ended with a crescendo that was just shy of a passionate scream.

As she finished, the shock and thrill was apparent in the widened eyes of all of Manny's fellow bandmates.

"Wow," said Marco, applauding. "I'd say we've moved to the next level of rock, ladies and gentlemen."

Ellie looked equally impressed. "That was perfect. Let's do it again, just like that… for good measure."

Spinner folded his arms and suppressed a smirk as he watched Manny sing the bridge again. "So uh… what did you tell her exactly?" he asked Alex.

Alex grinned and shrugged. "Well, you've known Manny in the bedroom, haven't you? I think you can put it together…"

Manny finished singing and Alex and Spinner both applauded her. She smiled brightly and glowed with pride, and the two of them watched, both of them hoping they were the one she was smiling at.

o o o o o o o o o

Two hours away from the musical experimentation in Marco's basement, Sean Cameron was pacing back and forth in his bedroom in his parents trailer, seething. He squeezed the tennis ball in his hand tightly, taking deep, slow breaths. It took all of his self control not to punch out a wall.

There was a frantic pounding on the door. "Seanny, you open this door right now!" screamed his father, slightly drunk. "You come out here and apologize to your mother! To both of us!"

Sean rolled his eyes. Soon he could hear his mother's voice on the other side of the door as well.

"Come on now, son, let's talk about this," she cooed in a sloppy, sing-song voice.

"There's nothing to talk about," Sean responded at last, pulling out a black bag from under his bed. "I told you I never wanted to live like this ever again, and I meant it!"

He threw clothes and as many belongings as seemed necessary into the bag and zipped it up furiously. He climbed out of the window, knowing it might again be a long time before he would ever see his parents.


	18. Showtime

Note: So sorry for the delay! I have one more essay to finish tonight and then my finals are over, so expect a healthy helping of updates for the winter break. Thanks for reading.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

At the club where the Battle of the Bands was just getting started, throngs of teenagers whispered and giggled as they sipped overpriced sodas under the red, blue, and green ambient lighting. Behind the big red curtain of the stage, the members of fifteen different high school bands paced nervously in the cluttered hallway backstage. The hum of the crowded seats and the resonating vibrations of the main speakers as the MC introduced the first band roared in their minds. With the moment of truth upon them, Manny and Marco were huddled in a corner with the utmost focus on their faces as they fought over Manny's compact mirror.

"Your hair looks great, just let me see it for a minute," Marco fussed nervously.

"Wait your turn!" Manny whined in response. "My part keeps doing this... weird spiral thing…"

Ellie sighed with impatience as she watched them bicker and primp. "Guys, we go on in like, three acts," she tried to reason with them, clutching the neck of her guitar to calm her nerves. "It's kind of too late to worry about hair and make-up."

"I'm not wearing make-up," Marco argued matter-of-factly.

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. You should still reevaluate your priorities. You should be tuning your instruments."

"I don't have an instrument," Manny countered.

"Then you should be warming up your vocal chords!"

Marco and Manny nodded vaguely in response but continued to push and shove as they fought to glimpse their own reflections. Frustrated, Ellie folded her arms and walked away. She nestled into a corner and started lightly fingering the chords of their song, waiting for their big debut. She knew they had a good sound, whenever everything came together just right. But the question was… would it come together?

"El?" Ashley's voice questioned, approaching her cautiously.

Ellie smiled when she looked up from her guitar and saw her best friend standing next to her. She remembered fondly the time the time they had performed in a band together. It seemed so long ago now. "Hey, Ash. How'd you know I'd be here? How'd you get backstage?'

Ashley's eyes dropped to the floor and she smiled nervously. "Well, actually, I'm performing tonight. With Craig and Paige."

Ellie paused. "Oh. Well… cool. Good luck."

"Yeah." Ashley paused as well. The choppy pace of their conversation was a burden. "So I guess you're… you're really doing this, then? Still letting Spinner live with you? Now you guys are… in a band together? Are you like, friends or something?"

The cold accusatory bite of Ashley's words put Ellie on the defensive. "So what if we are? Is that really so terrible?"

Ashley's voice rose as she folded her arms angrily. "Yes, it really is, Ellie! I just can't believe you don't even care about anything he did. He's ruined Jimmy's life. You have no idea all the things people are saying about him… and now about you, too."

Ellie rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. "Wow, Ash. I never really thought I'd hear this from you, of all people. Since when do you care what people are _saying_? When I first met you, all anyone ever said about you was that you were a selfish druggie bitch who ruined Jimmy's life. But it wasn't that simple, was it? You had your side of the story, too. And so does Spinner. I didn't care then and I don't care now what people are _saying._ I can make my own choices about the people I want to spend my time around. Right now I'm not really sure if you're one of them…"

Ashley's eyes widened in disbelief. "Ellie, you can't mean that! It's… it's not the same," she stammered.

o o o o o o o o

At the other end of the hall, out of earshot of the heated conversation that was quickly escalating between Ashley and Ellie, Spinner and Alex were casually laughing and play-fighting.

"The pies, Harvey, the _pies_!" Spinner howled hysterically, quoting Clown Academy. It shouldn't have been as funny as it was, but Alex found herself turning pink and nearly coughing from laughing so hard.

Spinner placed his hand on Alex's shoulder to balance himself as his laughter subsided and he finally had time to catch his breath. Over the noise of the backstage, he heard the MC announce the second band. "Whew. Alright, I guess uh… I guess I'd better go find the rest of the band." He took a deep breath, realizing all too suddenly that their big moment was dangerously close. "I can't believe we're really doing this. Wish us luck."

Alex smiled. "You better bring more than luck out there with you, Mason. I sure as hell don't want to go to jail."

Spinner smiled, too, and gave her a quick hug before he ran off in search of his bandmates.

With a sparkly blue guitar hanging over her neck, Paige Michalchuk had been watching them from not too far away, with a look of fiery loathing on her face. She stepped menacingly towards Alex, who took notice of her.

"Oh," she said warmly. "Hey Paige."

Paige wrinkled her nose and a fake smile spread across her face. "Hey there, Nunez," was her clipped response. She snarled as she watched Spinner bounce down the hallway. "So um, wow, hon… charity much?"

Alex turned to meet Paige's cold eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I'm just saying… you've been leaning towards the cool side lately, and I can't imagine why you'd want to sink back into the depths of loserdom by hanging around that social waif."

"Um, wow, _hon_, bitter much?" Alex snapped in response, raising her shoulders and stepping closer to Paige. "Look, I hardly need your approval to be on the 'cool side,' let alone stand here and have you insult me and my friend."

Paige snorted in disgust. "_Friend_? Ugh, please. What is he, like, your replacement-Jay or something?"

With that magic word, a fire was lit inside of Alex. Paige _so_ did not just go there. Alex took another threatening step forward. "Say that again, queenie?"

Paige folded her arms, far from intimidated. "I mean, that's basically the level Spinner's sunk to these days. You just can't stay away from those sleezy, stupid fuckwits, can you?"

Alex clenched her fists. "You really need to stop yourself before you get hurt, little girl."

But naturally, Paige never stops. "I mean, fine, whatever, I kind of knew that was your thing. I'd watch out, though. I have it on good authority that he and Miss Santos are back in the throes of lust again… saw them walking out of the Women's Clinic together. Who knows, maybe this time _he_ knocked her up."

And with that, Alex snapped, diving forward and pushing the sassy blonde hard into the wall.

o o o o o o o o

Spinner found Manny and Marco finishing up their hair. "Hey guys," he said, smiling at Manny. "So… are you ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be," Marco said with a sigh, picking up his bass from the corner where it rested. "I'm kind of nervous. It sounds _packed_ out there."

"_You're_ nervous?" said Manny, twisting her long black hair around her finger. "At least you've performed in front of people before. The closest I've ever been to any thing like this is karaoke night…"

"Don't worry," Spinner told her, unable to mask the affection in his eyes. "You'll be great. You're great." He paused. "I um, I actually got you something… for luck, I mean."

"You got me something?" she said softly. "You didn't have to do that."

Spinner blushed. "Well, I just thought… you know… it just looked like you. And I wanted to thank you for being a part of the band."

Marco resisted the urge to smirk as he realized this was probably his cue. "Well uh, I guess I'd better go get Ellie," he said abruptly, rolling his eyes and leaving the two of them alone.

Manny swallowed nervously, not sure she was ready to be alone with Spinner when he was trying to give her presents. Spinner reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, homemade paper envelope. Manny took the package from his sweaty fingers and carefully unwrapped it. There was a pair of earrings inside, each one dangling a miniature hot pink stiletto shoe.

Manny forced an awkward smile. "Um… wow. They're… cute. Kind of different."

Spinner shrugged and flipped his droopy bangs out of his face. "I just thought, you know, coz feet are lucky."

Manny laughed quietly. "Oh. Right. I… I think that's only rabbits' feet, Spin." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spinner's face redden in embarrassment, and she quickly kept talking. "I love them, though. Really. They're way euro-chic." She smiled reassuringly at him as she put on the earrings, and Spinner exhaled in relief.

With impeccable timing, Craig walked past them, feeling unsettled and unhappy to see them smiling at each other. "Hey guys," he said, with a more than hint of unfriendliness in his voice. "Isn't this a sweet little reunion?"

Spinner and Manny's grins faded. They said nothing.

Craig glanced icily at Spinner. "Look I don't know what you think you're doing here, Spinner, but I thought you might be interested to know that when _we_ win tonight, we're using the money to buy Jimmy his custom wheelchair."

"That sounds great," Spinner said, meekly but honestly. "Really. Good luck, I guess." Manny could see the pain in Spinner's eyes. She placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

Craig felt his old sense of protectiveness and his still-simmering anger towards Spinner flare up. "Don't pretend like you care," he spat, giving Spinner a slight shove. "I can't believe you'd even show your face here." To twist the knife a little deeper, he looked at Manny. "And I can't believe _you'd_ still hang around with a guy like this."

Manny scoffed defensively. "Well I dated _you,_ didn't I?" she said.

"Alright, okay," Spinner said, taking a step back from Craig. "Let's just cut this off now. Leave her alone, Craig."

"Why don't you make me, backstabber?" Craig moved in closer with aggression written all over his face, and Manny cringed as she felt a fight about to explode right in front of her. Just as they were beginning to tussle, Marco ran up to them and wedged himself in between them, yelling.

"Guys, guys!" he screeched. There was shock and panic in his eyes. "What are you_ doing_? What the hell is going on around here? I just had to tear Alex off of Paige and send her back to the audience, and I come back to find this?"

Craig and Spinner were silent, looking at each other darkly.

A girl with a blonde faux-hawk and a headset marched briskly through the crowded backstage hall, yelling over all the performers, "Monkey See, Monkey Don't… please report to the wings and get ready to set yourselves, you're up next. Monkey See, Monkey Don't please report to the wings NOW."

Marco inhaled sharply. "Crap, that's us, guys," he said. "We've got to get out there. Where the hell is Ellie?"

Craig rolled his eyes and walked away, while the three bandmates looked around frantically for their lead guitarist. Their query was soon answered as they noticed the raising of voices a few feet away. Ellie and Ashley were deep in a fiery argument.

"Let it all out then, El, everything you've ever wanted to say since to me since we first met!" Ash was screaming as Marco, Manny, and Spinner approached to them.

Marco grabbed hold of Ellie's arm and started pulling her away dramatically. "You too?!" he squealed in despair. "Maybe we should have named ourselves The Instigators. Can we please just get through this show without getting kicked out for fighting?"

"I like Monkey See, Monkey Don't," Spinner said defensively, scratching his head in confusion with his drumstick.

"It was a _joke_, Spinner!"

In a mad frenzy, the bandmates collected their instruments and slipped into the dark wings of the stage, just in time for the MC to announce their name to the crowd. Nervously and somewhat in a daze from everything that had just happened, the four teenagers walked onto the stage and positioned themselves. The bright white lights were shining in their eyes and the crowd was clapping enthusiastically. From the wings, Paige, Ashley, and Craig were all watching, wondering what in the world such an eclectic mix of musicians would sound like.

Spinner took a deep breath as he sat behind his drumset. He hadn't really expected to go on stage immediately after nearly losing it and getting in a fight with Craig. But here they were, despite the resistance, and despite all the twisted obstacles they'd overcome to make this band happen. It was hard to believe that this one simple little endeavor, just something to try and help out Alex, had bred so much drama. Spinner lifted his drumsticks over his head and counted off the beat.

This was the moment they'd been waiting for.


	19. The After Party

Note: Wow, ten reviews for one chapter. I'm pretty sure that's a record for this fic. Thanks for all of the feedback. I'm estimating about 10-12 more chapters, so stay tuned… there's lots more drama to unfold.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Roughly sixty teenagers were crammed onto the stage together, sweating profusely under the hot lights. A tense silence radiated throughout the nervous performers and the anxious crowd as the MC smiled, announcing the winners in at torturously slow pace. Marco clutched both Manny's and Ellie's hands as he waited, and nearly fainted when he heard the name "Monkey See, Monkey Don't" erupt from the MCs lips. Amidst the flashing lights and screaming crowd, things were a total blur as the flabbergasted bandmates skipped to the front of the stage to receive their congratulations.

As the other participants began to disperse and the show came to an end, the four of them stood together on the stage, clutching the check for the prize money.

"We did it!" Manny squealed, jumping entirely on top of Spinner and wrapping her legs around him as he spun her around. "Oh my god, that was freaking awesome. I think stardom looks good on me…"

Spinner grinned as he clutched her in his arms, startled but pleased by her enthusiasm. "Is that what's different about you?" he joked, placing her carefully back on the ground. "I thought it was just those slammin' new earrings."

Alex ran happily onto the stage, her face glowing a little brighter than it had in a long time. "You guys rocked," she said simply, before adding, with a genuine smile, "Thank you."

Manny smiled and dove towards her, giving her the same enthusiastic hug she'd given Spinner. Alex was even more surprised than Spinner had been, but she accepted it gallantly all the same, twirling Manny around, dramatically pretending to almost drop her. The two of them laughed and Marco joined them in gushing over the performance.

Ellie turned to Spinner, beads of sweat glistening on her face. She smiled and stepped closer to him. "I'm not going to jump on you," she stated jokingly. "No offense."

"None taken," Spinner said with a laugh. He lifted the collar of his sweaty shirt and brought it to his nose. "I kind of smell like eggs, to be honest. Gym socks and eggs."

Ellie sighed happily, still tingling with the buzz of their performance and their victory. "I can't believe we did it. I can't believe… this works." She motioned to the group of them. "I don't know why, but this sound really works. It doesn't just _work_, it's amazing. Who would have thought we'd make such a great team? Who would have thought that day I came home and found you playing drums like a mad man that you were actually onto something?"

Spinner grinned, and reached forward to bring Ellie into a damp embrace. "Have fun smelling like eggs!" he teased as he hugged her. Ellie laughed and welcomed his arms.

o o o o o o o o

"To the Monkeys!" Alex cheered heartily, throwing up her plastic cup of whiskey and Coke. Spinner, Ellie, and Manny, sitting happily around the coffee table back in the apartment, laughed and bumped their cups against hers. Soda, cookie dough ice cream, pizza, and a bottle of whiskey littered the table as a mark of celebration of the night's victory.

"Actually, the Monkees are already a band," Ellie pointed out. "How about we cheers to Alex-Not-Going-To-Jail instead?"

"Maybe _that_ should have been our band name..." Spinner mused.

Manny wrinkled her brow and shook her head, laughing and sipping her drink. "Uh-huh, maybe you should have little more pizza and little less talky-talky," she instructed, grabbing a slice of pizza and forcibly inserting it into Spinner's mouth. A light-hearted tussle ensued, resulting in pizza grease all over their fingers and splashes of whiskey on their laps.

"So wait, what happened to Marco?" Ellie asked, realizing that his absence was somewhat bewildering.

Alex grinned slyly, helping herself to another slice of pizza. "The last I saw of Del Rossi, he was making mad gushy eyes with some dude, and I'm pretty sure I saw some cell phone numbers being exchanged."

Ellie's eyes widened. "Seriously? Wow. Go Marco."

On cue, there was a knock on the door, though before anyone could get up to answer it, Marco swung it open merrily. There were eight or nine people behind him piling into the apartment. The most noticeable one was a tall boy with curly brown hair, donning an orange fedora and standing suspiciously close to Marco.

"So guys, this is Logan," said Marco, blushing a little. "And this is Rudy and Kevin, and some of their friends… they were in the Battle of the Bands, too. I thought they could kick it with us for our little after-party."

Ellie noticed a few cases of beer in the hands of some of Logan's friends, wondering just how much of a party they had in mind. But she couldn't bear saying no to Marco's beaming face. It was nice to see Marco's eyes light up again over someone who wasn't Dylan, and she knew she couldn't possibly put any obstacles in front of him.

"Sure," Ellie said with a smile. "The more the merrier."

"Oh good," Manny interjected, chewing as she spoke. "Coz I told J.T. and Liberty that they should stop by for a bit, too. And Chester's parents are out of town so Emma was going to use his kitchen to try and make jello shots."

"Oh… well, okay."

"I asked Kendra to come by, too," Spinner added. "She's been bugging me about not being able to see me so I thought this might be a good opportunity to chill…"

Ellie nodded. "Right, of course."

"Hey, do you think you could give a few of my friends directions?" one of Logan's friends asked, shoving their cell phone into Ellie's face.

"Well… yeah, I guess so…"

o o o o o o o o

It took less than two hours for Spinner and Ellie's apartment to be filled, wall to wall, with drunk, jubilant teenagers. Several of the other bands from the Battle and all of _their_ friends had steadily filtered in, followed by a string of people who'd been in the audience and heard that "that rad new band" was having an after party. Manny's friends brought a sea of people from their grade and Kendra ended up inviting the entire field hockey team. Soon the noise of the throbbing music attracted many of the other tenants in the apartment building, and before Ellie knew what to do with herself, she found herself surrounded by a full-blown party. She had never been concerned before that she and Spinner, basically the two most anti-social people in Grade Eleven, would ever be hosts to a Major Rager (as it was beginning to be called by guests on their cell phones inviting even more friends). It didn't exactly make her comfortable. The laurels of their Battle of the Bands victory soon lost their luster, and all Ellie could think about was how she hoped no one got hurt or sick or called the cops. Every second that passed, while everyone else was having fun, Ellie was sure that their bald, brawny landlord would come barreling through the door and evict them at any second.

Spinner was considerably less paranoid, much to Ellie's chagrin. He continued to pound whiskey shots, and Emma practically had to beat him with a stick to keep him from scarfing all of the jello shots. Ellie found herself continually holding her breath, wishing the stress would be over soon. She cringed as the apartment door swung open again, ushering in another onslaught of party-goers.

Across the room in the kitchen, Manny and Alex had just thrown back a tequila shot and slammed their glasses on the table. Manny giggled, wiping away the lime juice that dribbled down her chin.

"Wow… that's… how many is that?" she asked.

Alex laughed. "That's more than enough to prove me wrong about you," Alex assured her. She hadn't actually expected Manny to catch up when she challenged her to a drink-off. "I surrender. You win. You are indeed a bad-ass."

Manny beamed at the compliment and threw her hands into the air in celebration. "Woooo! That's right, I _am_ a bad-ass… Hey Spin, guess how many tequila shots I just did…" As she attempted to skip across the room to share the news of her new Bad-Ass title, she tripped and fell onto the floor.

Alex laughed and helped her to her feet. "Easy, tiger, you'll smoosh that pretty face of yours…" She found her gaze drifting away from Manny's pretty face as she took notice of the group of guys who had just entered the party. She snarled. "Talk about a buzz kill," she muttered icily.

Manny turned her head and saw Jay, hugging Spinner and popping open a beer. She bit her lip and pulled Alex close to her, resting her head on her shoulder. "Uh-oh," whispered Manny drunkenly. "It's _the boy_."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Listen, buddy, you can't stay mad at him forever. I mean, didn't you guys date for like two years?"

Alex sighed. "Three, actually. Sort of pathetic."

"Have you even talked to him about… you know?"

"Tuh. Are you kidding me? No way."

Manny frowned. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and gave her a comforting side-hug. "Look I know you hate _emotions_ and all that stuff, but eventually you're going to have to talk to him. Just because things between you guys ended kind of brutally doesn't mean there aren't three years of _something_ worth getting closure for. The sooner you start to forgive him, the sooner you can start feeling better."

Alex's eyes were dark and heavy as she watched Jay from across the room. She didn't want to stop being angry at him. Hating Jay was sort of a sanctuary for her. It gave her a place in her mind to stash all of her darker thoughts. As she watched him, he noticed her and his eyes met hers. Timidly, he gave her a small wave, trying to make it clear that he wasn't there to start another fight. She nodded at him in response, silently agreeing to a momentary truce.

o o o o o o o o

Into the wee hours of the morning, the crowd started to clear, and Ellie's mind finally started to ease a bit. She sat on the couch, helping herself to the last of the cookie dough ice cream while she waited for the last of their unexpected to guest to trickle out. Alex plopped down on the couch and reached her arm across the coffee table. "Pass the spoon, Nash," she commanded.

Ellie chuckled and obliged. "So I saw you talking to Jay for a bit," she said carefully. "How was that?"

Alex nodded slowly. "Not as painful as it could have been," she answered. "We kept the conversation simple. Neutral territory and all that. I guess we're trying to be civil."

Ellie nodded. "That's good, I guess."

Alex sighed. "Yeah. I guess…" She shoved a much-needed spoonful of ice cream into her mouth and then handed the utensil back to Ellie. She propped her feet onto the coffee table, feeling drunk and sleepy, as she scanned the apartment to examine the dwindling activity. In the back corner by the coat closet, she saw something that forced her to do a serious double-take.

"Whoa… um, I don't know how I didn't see this earlier, but it would appear that Spinner and Manny have overcome their break-up awkwardness. Like, in a big way."

Ellie wrinkled her nose in curiosity as she turned her head to look. It was hard not to feel like she was being slapped in the face. Spinner had Manny pinned against the wall as they made out, fiercely and carefree.

"Wow," Ellie said softly. "Well… good for Spinner. I knew he still had a thing for her."

"Good for Spinner?" Alex repeated in disbelief. She was unconvinced that Ellie wasn't the slightest bit uncomfortable watching Spinner and Manny make-out. She knew it was more complicated than just _good for Spinner_. "I don't know, man. I'll admit that both of those twits have started to grow on me, in their own way, but that… that's just kind of gross."

There was something really unsettling about watching Manny slip her tongue down Spinner's throat. It made Alex uneasy, almost angry. Similarly, Ellie found she wasn't as happy for Spinner as she thought she'd be. She'd been trying to help him win back Manny this whole time, but as she watched them kiss she realized she never thought it would really happen.

But now it had. And so… now what? Ellie sighed and scooped out another healthy serving of ice cream. It was all she could do.


	20. Routines

The excitement following the Battle of the Bands faded quickly as school started again, the DUI crisis had been averted, and life slipped back into its usual routine. The horrors of the shooting were gradually moving further into the past, and the halls of Degrassi were filled with a renewed atmosphere of normalcy.

For Spinner, however, life was still far from anything resembling normal. He and his father still weren't speaking. He met once with his mother in mid-January. She visited him in the apartment, and brought him a casserole and a package of new underwear. She told him it was a charming place and that Ellie seemed like a charming girl. Spinner could hardly believe how much he missed her; how much he missed home, hot meals, and even over-squeezy Mom-hugs. Mrs. Mason choked up a little bit as she pinched her son's cheek and carefully explained to him that she and his father agreed it was good that Spinner was living on his own. A crash course in real-life responsibility, they thought, would help Spinner learn to think harder about consequences before acting.

It was hard for Spinner not to cry when she left, and after that day, he simply didn't speak to her or Kendra again. It was easier to just stay cut off completely, rather than be reminded of how much he missed his family.

His crash course in real life was certainly a shock to the system. During winter break, constant band practice had kept Spinner surrounded by friends and a tangible goal to work towards. Once everyone started school again, however, the loneliness hit him fast and hard. After spending nearly every day with Ellie, Marco, and Manny, it was an abrupt shift to only see them every few days and only for short periods of time. His days were filled with nothing but shifts at the Dot, which were repetitive and unchanging. Life that revolved around work was stale and utterly devoid of forward momentum. There was no Spring Break, no Graduation, no progress whatsoever to look forward to. Work was endless. Work never changed. Work was just… work.

One of the things he was able to looking forward to was spending time with Manny, and it was one of few beacons he had to cling to inside his daily thoughts. He had been glad that they seemed to be back together, but even that fell short of his expectations. Manny was always busy with school and Spirit Squad and her friends, and he found himself missing her far more often than spending time with her.

Locked in this routine, time seemed to move on quickly from the Battle of the Bands. February was in full swing, and as Spinner and the ferret ate cheddar popcorn and watched reruns of Law and Order into the night, he found that this one of his lonelier nights. He worked the morning shift at the Dot and had hoped that he would be able to catch Manny after school. He hadn't. He called her five times throughout the afternoon, pacing around the apartment in utter boredom, and didn't hear back from her until ten o'clock. Even then, he received only a sparse text message saying she'd been preoccupied doing nails and hot-tubbing with Liberty.

Spinner was drooling for hours as he festered in the blue TV-glow, and it was nearing midnight when Ellie charged through the door, infiltrating the dark apartment with a burst of bright hall light.

"Oh my god, Spinner!" she breathed with relief. She tossed her jacket and school bag carelessly to the floor as she marched into the apartment, slamming the door behind her and flicking on the lights. "Thank _god_ you're still awake. This project has been driving me crazy and my head is about to explode and I could use some serious Buddy-Vege-Time." She walked into the kitchen and retrieved a glass of cranberry juice from the fridge before returning to the living room and sitting beside Spinner. She scooped up her pet ferret into her arms and rubbed her nose against his. "How about you, Bueller? Buddy-Vege-Time?"

Spinner sighed. "Bueller and I have basically been vegging for the past six hours," he informed her. He was thrilled, however, to finally have another human to spend his time with. "What brings you home so late on a school night, anyway?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and took a thirsty gulp of juice. "You know Ash, perfectionist extraordinaire. She had us working all night on cue cards for our presentation. Heather somehow managed to escape Ash's guilt-grip and slip out by eight, lucky bitch. You know, every time I get paired with her for a project she is conveniently unavailable for all of the work… But enough, I can't stand to talk about that project for another second." She gave Spinner a decisive slap on the leg and exhaled, making a distinct mental shift to a new and less stressful set of thoughts. "So tell me pal, what are we watching, what are we eating?"

Spinner chuckled lightly and shrugged. "To be honest, I'm so burned out on TV I can't even tell what's playing anymore… And I've eaten so much cheddar popcorn I'll basically be crapping orange for the next few days."

Ellie wrinkled her button-nose, which Spinner always had to admit to himself was wildly cute. "Gee, isn't that a splendid image. Well, tell you what, let's change it up." She rummaged around the cluttered coffee table and retrieved one of her composition notebooks. "Tell me what you think of these latest lyrics."

As it had turned out, Marco's new friend Logan (who had quickly become more than just a friend) had an uncle who owned a club, and was looking for fresh acts to play during the week. Logan encouraged Monkey See, Monkey Don't to stay together and try to get some gigs there. It was up to Ellie, the unofficial band leader, to start building up a repertoire of songs so that the band would have enough for a full set. Though it was mostly her creative efforts, every now and again she and Spinner's schedules aligned well enough for them to work together. Ellie was so busy with her schoolwork and Spinner worked night and weekend shifts so often that they didn't always get time together, but in these rare moments, Spinner felt the least distraught about the current direction of his life.

He smiled. "Sure thing. Lay 'em on me."

o o o o o o o o

Across town in Marco's basement, Alex had been sucked into an evening of tedious planning and preparation not unlike Ellie's homework session with Ashley. The task at hand for Alex and Marco, however, was something far more grandiose than any project Mrs. Kwan could assign: orchestrating yet another Degrassi Community School dance. Much to Alex's disgust, she and Marco had been spending hours poring over catalogues, deciding on supplies and decorations. It was difficult to stay on track, though through no fault of Alex's; digging through hundreds of pages of pinks, reds, hearts, and lace had Marco enraptured in Valentine's Day hullabaloo.

"So okay, we've been taking things _slow_," Marco was explaining to Alex, who was more than tired of hearing about it. "You know, I mean, I don't want him to think that I'm getting too attached or anything. But on the other hand, it's _Valentine's Day._ He wouldn't think there's anything weird about a Valentine's Day gift, right? Or is that too boyfriend-y? Because I mean, we're not _dating_ or anything… I just kind of think it would be nice to get him something…"

Alex sighed. "What do boys even get other boys for Valentine's day?" she asked, shifting the conversation. She refused to give Marco advice one way or the other about whether to make Logan his Valentine. She was tired of hearing his insecure babble and wanted him to make his own choices. "But I guess, what do boys even get _girls?_ All Jay ever got me was a six pack and a porno. But I mean, that's because I hate flowers and shit. I hate this whole holiday, in fact." She tossed the decorations catalogue to the floor. "Can we just have an Pre-St. Patrick's Day Dance instead?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're no help at all?" Marco huffed, picking up the catalogue she had discarded.

"More times than I can count. Look, I hate decorations, and I hate romance. I got nothin' for you. Besides, I don't really know anything about the politics of gay-dating."

Marco smirked and rolled his eyes. "It's not really that different from any other kind of dating, Alex."

Alex bit her lip and thought for a moment. _Apparently I don't know anything about dating period, then_, she considered unhappily to herself. Life had been good to her the past few weeks; she'd been having fun and staying out of trouble, for the most part. But inwardly, she had to admit to herself that she was starting to feel just the slightest bit lonely. She'd never thought of herself as the kind of girl who _had_ to have a boyfriend. She didn't really care that much about boys. But then again, she'd been with Jay for three years. You start to get used to _being_ with someone when you do it for so long. You get comfortable with the idea. And you do miss it when it's gone, even if you never thought you would. She missed kisses. She missed cuddles. She missed stupid presents.

Her feelings utterly embarrassed her, and she wouldn't dare speak them out loud to Marco. Not after all the constant teasing she gave him about mushy he was over Logan. Talking about her feelings had never been easy. "So like… it's just natural for you, right? Guys. You like guys, you date guys, you buy frilly little craplets for _guys_. Wasn't it ever hard to make that transition? Didn't it ever feel weird?"

Marco eyed Alex curiously. "Um, wow, sister. That's kind of a deep shift in conversation." He wasn't sure what she was getting at, but when the expression on her face told him she wasn't asking just to be funny, he thought for a moment and continued. "I mean, there was definitely a lot about finding out I was gay that wasn't easy. There's that image, you know, Boy-Girl, that's kind of ingrained in you. But it didn't feel right to me… I felt that pretty early on. The hardest part was just being honest with myself and with the people around me, but once I got through that, I've never really questioned it."

Alex nodded. "I really hate that. The _image_ of what dating's supposed to be. What a fucking joke. I just want to be able to find something that works for me. Like, what makes me happy. I've never really wanted anything that looks like what everyone else wants."

Marco watched Alex as she spoke, and could hardly contain the warmth he felt for her. "Oh my god, you're _human,_" he squealed, half-jokingly. "Alex wants a boo! Alex needs the lovins! It's a Valentine's Day miracle. Can we hug?"

Alex rolled her eyes and smacked Marco's shoulder with another catalogue. "Oh, shut up. Let's pick out some pink streamers and get on with our lives already…"


	21. No Complications

Note: Sorry if there are typos, I have a case of Uber-Death-Flu and it's affecting my cognition.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The weekend of Valentine's day was just a few days away, and Alex sighed heavily as she carried a stack of red fliers around the halls of Degrassi. She turned the corner and was relieved by the dazzling face that she saw. Smiling and taking a breath of relief, she walked up next to Manny and Emma as they rummaged through their lockers.

"Hey baby girl," Alex addressed Manny warmly, conveniently ignoring Emma.

Manny smiled excitedly when she noticed Alex. "Hey mama. You ready to walk to the caf?"

Alex rolled her eyes and sighed. "Unfortunately, I'm stuck with Vice Presidential duties during lunch period today." She handed Manny a flier from the top of the stack. "The good works I'm able to do through student government is just never-ending. Think of all the student lives that will be changed for the better by this hokey Valentine's Day dance!"

Manny laughed, gazing over the information on the flier. It was actually exactly the kind of thing Manny drooled over, but she decided not to share that with Alex. "Well bummers, lunch is going to be a complete drag without you."

Emma, feeling a little awkward standing on the outside of the conversation, rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you'll be left with no one to talk to but your oldest friend in the world…" she said.

The expression on Alex's face made no acknowledgement of Emma whatsoever. She kept smiling at Manny and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Well hey, I'll holler at you in between sixth and seventh, okay? See ya, boo." She extended her fist, which was bumped by Manny's, and left the two girls to continue plastering fliers to the walls and lockers.

As Manny continued to place her books inside her locker, Emma stared at her in bewilderment. "Well that was… charming," she said, shaking her head. "You and Girl-Crush are getting a little out of hand these days. You're like, attached at the hip. Do you guys ever go more than a few hours without seeing each other?"

Manny giggled and shook her head. "Girl-Crush? I'd say that's a tad dramatic."

"She called you _baby girl_… and you called her _mama._"

Manny shrugged. "I think it's cute. You know, Alex is so, like… _gangsta._ It's super adorable. You'd really like her, Em, if you gave her a chance. She's so cool, and funny… Maybe you should hang out with us sometime."

Emma's eyes widened and she shook her head definitively. "Yeah, I don't think I'm really the person Alex wants to be around. You saw how she just ignored me completely. I'm guessing she has something against people who've gotten STDs from her ex-boyfriend… which isn't totally unreasonable, I guess."

Manny frowned and placed a comforting hand on Emma's shoulder as they shut their lockers and started walking towards the cafeteria. "I don't know, Em, maybe she doesn't even know about that."

Emma eyed Manny incredulously. "Manny, _everyone_ knows. But… you know what, I think I'm moving on. Screw the haters."

Manny smiled. "See, that sounds like something Alex would say."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Riiiight. Well anyway, how do you feel about hanging out after school today? We could go to the mall."

Manny bit her lip. "Ooh, I… I can't. I already promised… Alex. I promised Alex we could hang out today."

Emma sighed. "See what I mean? Girl-crush. I rest my case."

Manny smiled weakly, but couldn't think of anything else to say. Although she did spend a lot of her free time with Alex these days, that wasn't actually the person Manny had made plans with that day. Manny had promised her afternoon to Spinner, who was beginning to get tired of being blown off all the time. But she couldn't tell Emma that. She couldn't let anyone know that she and Spinner were actually dating again. She figured it would be best for everyone if they just kept it a secret.

o o o o o o o o

The biggest flaw in Manny's secrecy plan, of course, was that Spinner wasn't in on it. As far as he was concerned, getting back together with Manny was the biggest breaking news of 2005. He would have broadcast it over a pirate radio station if he knew how. How could he not be beaming with pride? He'd gotten the girl, and this time for good. He smiled at the thought as he had her pinned beneath him on the couch in his apartment, braiding his fingers in her long hair as they made out passionately.

The smoldering bundle of groping teenage skin that was Spinner and Manny was something of a shock to Ellie, who had innocently come home into her own apartment to come face to face with some serious face-eating. She blushed, and tried to walk past them to the kitchen without looking again.

"Um, sorry guys," she said, although she herself was far more embarrassed by the scene that Spinner and Manny ever would have been.

The two dislodged their mouths from one another, taking the disruption as an opportunity to breathe. Manny exhaled and straightened out her hair. Spinner looked at his watch and frowned.

"Wow, time flies I guess," he said with disappointment. "I'd better head out or I'll be late for work." He climbed off the couch and picked up his dirty work shirt from the floor. Casually, he pulled off his shirt to put on his black Dot shirt. It barely fazed Manny, who had pulled her mirror out of her purse to gloss over her post-make-out appearance. Ellie, looking even though she was trying not to look, found herself blushing even harder.

Spinner leaned over Manny and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you later, baby. You wanna rent a movie tomorrow?"

Manny smiled. "Sure, sweetie."

Spinner grabbed his hoodie from the floor, which in his and Ellie's apartment tended to serve more as shelf-space, and scurried out the apartment door. Manny closed her compact and looked over at Ellie, who was making a sandwich in the kitchen. "So Spin told me you've been working on some songs for the band," she mentioned. "That sounds awesome. I can't wait to start practicing again."

Ellie nodded and joined Manny in the living room. "Yeah, I've got three or four finished already. We could probably start having rehearsals again next week to start learning them…. We'll have a full set by summer time."

Manny squealed and clapped her hands together excitedly. "That's great. This is so much fun."

Ellie tried to match Manny's enthusiasm with her own smile, but something was holding her back. She wasn't as thrilled as she thought she would be about having the whole band working together again. It wasn't that she didn't like Manny, but there was something unappealing about the thought of having to be around her all the time. Having to be around her and Spinner, _together._ Ellie liked it better when there had been no romance in the air. Just a group of friends, making music. No complications.

Without knocking, the apartment door swung open and Alex walked casually inside. "Free at last!" she announced to the girls, slamming her bookbag on the floor. "I'm pretty sure I put up about two hundred fliers today. I'll be seeing red for weeks. But I brought those CDs you wanted, El." She unzipped her bag and pulled out a stack of CDs for Ellie, and then took notice of Manny on the couch, who she hadn't really expected to see around sans Spinner. "Well hey girl, long time no see."

Manny laughed softly. "Hey."

Alex continued rambling as she took a seat next to Manny. "And you know, I thought the fliers and the planning would be the worst of it, but as it turns out, Marco actually wants me to _go_ to this ridiculous dance to help everything run smoothly. And clean up afterwards. I thought I was in student council, not a party-planning business." She glanced at Manny. "So that means I'm counting on you to make my night not totally suck, baby girl."

Manny frowned. "I don't know. I was thinking I might skip out. I mean, Spinner obviously isn't going to be allowed in, and it's kind of depressing to go to a _Valentine's _dance without a date."

Alex raised her eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? It's going to be _depressing_ no matter what; it's a school dance. You can't leave me hanging. I'll be your date. It'll be bitchin'."

Manny felt her spirits slowly drift upward. "Okay… sure. It can be a girls night." She looked over at Ellie as well and smiled. "We can all come here and get ready together and do a little pre-gaming and eat chocolates and junk. It'll be awesome. The Uber-Anti-Valentine's Day. No boys allowed."

Ellie winced. "Yeah, no thanks, I'll pass. I mean, you guys are welcome to come over here and get ready, and I'm sure I will hit up those chocolates… but school dances aren't really my thing. Especially ones themed after my least favorite holiday."

Manny pouted. "Aw, come on, it'll be fun. I totally have like, this super-sexy dress that you can borrow. You'll be smokin!"

Alex shook her head in disapproval. "Yeah, come on, El, you know you can't miss Marco's big dance. He'll be heartbroken."

Ellie paused for a moment as she took a bite of her sandwich. "I'm going to be dragged there against my will no matter what, aren't I?"

"Yup," Alex and Manny cooed in unison.

Ellie sighed and nodded. As miserable as it made her to think about spending the entire Friday night at a school dance, she felt even worse thinking about Spinner being left alone.


	22. The Wounded, The Scarred

Note: Although season six made it clear that Ellie was a virgin, for the purposes of this alternate universe, it should be assumed that Sean and Ellie did in fact have a sexual relationship while they were living together.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Spinner's palms were sweating as he clutched a giant bouquet of roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates, staring nervously across the street from his former school. He had marched towards the school feeling excited and confident about his plan, but now that he was looking right at it, he wasn't so sure. It was early in the morning and students were assembling in front of the building en masse, greeting each other and enjoying their social freedom before the first bell rang. It was surreal to watch it from afar; a life that had once been the only thing he knew, and was now completely unreachable to him.

Facing Degrassi made him realize just how far he was from closure over the events of the past few months. He had to swallow hard to bury his own emotions. He couldn't let his own hang-ups stop him from doing what he was there for. When he came home from work a few nights earlier, he'd heard from Ellie all about how she was being dragged to the dance by Alex and Manny. He realized how disappointed Manny must have been, not able to take her boyfriend to the dance, and he wanted to make it up to her by giving her the best Valentine's Day ever.

Sighing, he started walking towards the campus, hoping to surprise Manny with chocolates and flowers before she started her day. Faces started to turn and take notice as he slowly infiltrated the student body, looking around for Manny. Marco, who was talking with Paige and Hazel, noticed Spinner and dropped his jaw. He knew whatever was happening, it wouldn't end well. He ran over to stop him.

"Spinner, what are you doing?" he said. "If you're trying to win Ms. Hatzilakos with flowers you might want to rethink that approach…"

"They're for Manny," Spinner replied. "For Valentine's Day. Have you seen her?"

Marco frowned. He had a sneaking suspicion that Manny wouldn't be too fond of this very public display of romance. "Maybe you should wait until after school. You know… off-campus?"

But it was too late. Spinner had already spotted Manny, talking with Darcy and Chantel. "Manny!" he shouted happily, skipping over to her with his presents. "Hey baby. Happy Valentine's Day!"

Manny's eyes were as wide as saucers, her mouth hanging wide open. She felt her feet go numb. She couldn't believe he would show up, here at school, to see her. She felt everyone watching. She couldn't move. She stood there like an idiot, staring blankly, while Spinner held out his gifts to her.

Spinner saw the horror in Manny's face and felt his heart plummet. "Manny? Baby? What's wrong?" But her silence gave him all the answer he needed. "You don't want me here. You don't… want anyone to know you're with me." He threw the flowers and chocolates to the ground. He stared at her icily, his insides shattering all over again. "You haven't changed at all, Manny."

o o o o o o o o

Ellie sat on her bed, looking across the room at her reflection in her vanity mirror. She sighed for the umpteenth time as she glanced at the deep blue dress lying on her bed. Manny had brought it by the day before. It was supposed to be for the dance. Ellie had to admit she liked the color; apparently Manny did have a keen eye when it came to clothes and people. It looked like nearly a perfect fit, but she hadn't dared try it on yet. It was strapless. As in, bare collar bone, bare shoulders, bare arms. As in, completely un-wearable.

She stood up and frowned at the red-headed girl she saw in the glass, slowly taking off her clothes. She slipped on the sleek blue dress and stood in front of her mirror, examining herself. She felt sick inside.

They were everywhere, bright pink and obvious, all up and down her arms. It had been _months_ since she'd cut, but the idea of showing her arms was still unthinkable. The scars were still so harsh and clear. There had been a time when the sight of fresh cuts gave her pleasure, bittersweet satisfaction. There was a time when the power to destroy herself was all she had. But she had come so far from that, and all she wanted was to forget.

But the scars were far from fading. She hated them. It was like they would never go away. It was like she was never allowed to forget. She was supposed to be better now. Those haunting memories of crying, being lost, being so far on the edge that she just wanted to make herself bleed… she wanted to believe that those were only vestiges of a darker time. A time long gone. She didn't want to be broken any more. She just wanted to be normal again. She felt okay, a lot of the time, but whenever her skin was exposed, there they were, reminding her. Scars.

"Freak," she whispered to herself, staring at her reflection. Tears slipped down her face. She choked on the lump in her throat, crying as she stared at the contrast of her beaten arms against the shiny blue fabric of the dress. "Why did you do this? Why? _Why?_"

She wanted there to be a way to undo it all. To pretend like it had never happened. But there was always something there to remind her.

Ellie was crying so hard that she didn't hear Spinner come home. He'd worked a long, sad shift at the Dot and from there had gone immediately to Jay's, where he'd had a few drinks and babbled about the trouble women bring. But it wasn't the kind of comfort he was looking for. He needed to talk to Ellie. He had never walked into her room uninvited before, but he was tipsy and desperate enough to not think twice.

"Ellie, can we talk?" he blurted out as he swung open her bedroom door. Ellie gasped as she looked over at him, standing in the blue dress, sobbing. Spinner forgot his own worries as soon as he saw the tears streaming down her face. "Oh man… what's wrong, El?" he asked, rushing to her side.

Embarrassed, Ellie tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks, even though her sobs still continued. "It's nothing. Nothing, just a stupid dress…" She looked over at herself again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be crying like this. It's stupid. It's just… my arms…."

Spinner's eyes softened as he watched her. It was gut-wrenching to see her cry. Gently, he placed his hands on her bare shoulders. "It's not stupid."

Ellie sniffled and stared at the floor. "I just want to be able to wear this stupid dress so I can go to the stupid dance and be pretty, just like all the other stupid girls. Just for like, a minute. But I can't. My arms… they're so ugly. I look disgusting."

Spinner bit his lip and carefully pulled Ellie into an embrace. He gently placed his hand behind her head and rested her face on his shoulder. Hesitant at first, Ellie threw her arms around Spinner and held him close. She let him squeeze her while she sobbed into his shoulder.

"You don't look disgusting," Spinner reassured her. He cradled her head with his arms and spoke softly through her red hair. "You look very pretty. You look amazing. You're beautiful. Besides, with jugs like that, who's looking at your arms, anyway?"

Ellie laughed, snot and tears sprinkling off of her face. She looked at Spinner's face. "Gee, thanks… you really know how to boost a girl's self-esteem." She tried to scowl at him, but she couldn't help but be endeared. Spinner could make her laugh, even in her darker moments, and she appreciated it.

Spinner smiled warmly. "Ah, see there, and when you throw in that smile?" He brought his fingers to Ellie's cheek and carefully wiped away some of her tears. "That's it, it's all over. Bam: you're the hottest girl at the dance."

"Thanks, Spin. Really." She rubbed her face dry and took a few deep breaths, feeling so much better now that Spinner was comforting her. "But I think I'm gonna skip out on the dance… I'd have more fun with you on the couch, anyway." She paused, and spoke her next words cautiously. "I heard about your… about, well… what happened with Manny at school today."

It happened so swiftly in that moment, as Spinner watched Ellie's moment of pain subside, he was reminded anew of his own. He bit his lip and shook his head sadly. "How could I be so fucking stupid, El?" he whined, throwing up his hands and sitting down on Ellie's bed. "I just thought… things have been so good with me and Manny. I'm really happy when I'm with her. But she… she doesn't want anyone to know about it. She's still embarrassed by me. I can't believe I trusted her. I should have known getting her back was too good to be true."

"It's not your fault," Ellie offered. She didn't really know what to say. It was bad enough that Manny had burned him once; Ellie had already watched Spinner go through _that_ heartbreak. But again? He had to go through this twice? She tousled his hair affectionately. "Listen, why don't you go out there and pick out a movie, let me change out of this skanky dress, and we can drown our sorrows together in junk food. Just me and you?"

Spinner nodded, still looking devastated. "Yeah. Okay."

o o o o o o o o

Curled up on the couch, the two roommates talked for hours, lulled by the comfort of the couch and junk food. It was a place both of them had come to cherish over the few months they'd lived together, a warm little haven from their otherwise shitty lives. Spinner never would have dreamed he would feel comfortable talking about his broken heart with someone, and likewise Ellie couldn't believe she was so unafraid of letting Spinner see her scars. They were safe together. This was their home.

Perhaps that's why, after spending hours alone together hugging and crying and watching movies, the moment was ripe for Ellie to lean in and kiss Spinner hard on the mouth. He was only shocked for a moment, watching her nervous green eyes. He leaned into her and met her lips again, holding her in his arms as they started kissing uncontrollably. Weeks of holding back exploded all at once.

Unashamed of the marred flesh that lie underneath, Ellie decisively removed her t-shirt and threw it to the ground. She and Spinner continued kissing as he ran his hands across her smooth torso.

"Come on," said Ellie. "Let's go to my room."

Dumbfounded but excited, Spinner simply nodded as he followed close behind her towards the bedroom. Ellie took a deep breath as she shut the door. Part of herself couldn't believe she was really going through with this…. with Spinner… in the bed she'd once shared with Sean.

But the other part of herself was ready to be wanted again. The other part of Ellie was ready to give in.


	23. Cookies and Corsages

Amidst giggles and gossip, Liberty, Emma and Manny were busy getting ready for the Valentine's Dance in Emma's living room. Spike was carefully molding Emma's hair into a stylish up-do while the Killers played on the radio. After much resistance, Liberty had finally caved under Manny's pressure and allowed her to do some make-up for her. It was fun for Manny, getting ready with the girls, but in the back of her mind she was still stressing over Spinner. She should have said something, anything, before he walked away. But she'd gone into shock. She didn't have to guts to speak up, and her missed opportunity had been haunting her all day. She hoped the dance would be enough fun to distract her and ease her mind.

The doorbell rang, and Liberty offered to answer it, more than ready for an excuse to escape the plucks and pokes of Manny's make-up tools. When she opened the door, she was more than surprised to see the person standing outside.

"Um, Manny?" said Liberty, ushering their guest inside. "It's for you."

While Manny and Emma gazed on curiously, Alex strolled into the living room wearing a sleek black slip-dress and killer heels. The heavy black eye shadow around her eyes made them stand out like fierce embers.

"Wow," said Manny. "You look smokin'. And you're wearing… a dress."

Alex smiled even as she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I clean up alright," she responded. "I just came by to say sorry about all the last minute change of plans, I know Ellie bailed and Spinner, well… Spinner isn't exactly eager to see you right now. I've got to go in early and help Marco with all the lame dance crap, but I wouldn't be a good date if I didn't at least give you this."

She held up the plastic box in her hand and opened it up, pulling out a pale pink corsage. "I took a gamble on the color," Alex joked. "But I didn't think I could go wrong with pink." She tied the delicate fresh flower around Manny's wrist, and then brought Manny's hand to her lips and gave it a cheesy kiss. "Knock 'em dead, baby girl. Don't break too many hearts tonight." With a friendly laugh, she waved goodbye to Manny and the others and walked out the door, leaving Manny and her friends a little speechless.

"Well hey, that was a nice gesture," Spike said to Manny encouragingly. "See girls, you can always count on your girlfriends, even when your love life is rocky."

"That's certainly the nicest I've seen Alex act since… um, ever," Liberty noted, mildly shocked.

Manny just nodded, and smiled at the flower on her wrist.

o o o o o o o o

"Thanks for coming," Marco said blushingly to his fly-dressed date. "I know this is… sort of lame, school dances and all."

Logan smiled at Marco. "Are you kidding? It's Valentine's Day. Of course I want to spend it with you." The punker brunette leaned forward and gave Marco a brief peck on the lips. "And you've done a great job, Mr. President."

The atmosphere of the gymnasium was indeed glowing with success, though it was not unlike most Degrassi dances: loud corny hip hop music, streamers, punch. Alex approached the refreshments table where Logan and Marco held their posts, sighing as she rested her hands on the table.

"This shit is major snoozeville," she muttered. She glanced up at the clock on the wall. "And we only have, what? Oh, only _three_ more hours of this crap."

Marco laughed. "Oh, but you're making the children so happy," he told her. He picked up a heart-shaped sugar cookie from the tray of treats. "Here, have a cookie."

Alex rolled her eyes, but snatched the cookie from Marco's hand all the same.

"And just look who's looking gorgeous… in a _dress,_ no less," Marco continued.

"Yeah, yeah, so I've been told." With her mouth stuffed with sugary goodness, Alex continued whining. "At least this night can't suck any harder."

The playful smile on Marco's face suddenly faded as he gazed past Alex, to the back door of the gym, where a dark-clad party-crasher had just slunk in. The boy watched Alex longingly with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Marco bit his lip. "I wouldn't speak too soon there, Alex." He pointed to where Jay was lurking near the back entrance. "Ex-boyfriend at ten o'clock."

"I think that's her six o'clock, actually," Logan corrected teasingly.

"Okay, well, either way, if Ms. Hatzilakos sees him here, there's going to be major drama."

Alex sighed heavily and grabbed another cookie from the tray. "I'll handle this," she said, marching through the dance floor and finding herself face to face with Jay.

Jay smiled weakly. "Hey," he said. "I just… wanted to say hey. Hey." He scratched the back of his neck. So this wasn't going as smoothly as he would have liked.

Alex eyed him darkly. "You didn't exactly pick the best venue for this, Jason," she snapped. Propping one hand on her hip, she extended the other hand out to him, bearing the heart-shaped cookie. "I'm going to try to make this easy on you. If I give you a cookie, will you leave before Ms. Hatzilakos flips her shit or I kick your ass?"

Jay smirked. She never changed, and he loved that. "You always did drive a hard bargain."

"Seriously though, Jay… this isn't the place. You know no one wants to see you around Degrassi."

"I know, but you never answer when I call, you never come to the door when I stop by your house… this is the only place I knew I'd find you and you couldn't run away from me."

"No, but I can have your ass kicked out if I wanted to." She sighed, seeing the forlorn look on Jay's drooping face. "Look, I… I forgive you, alright?" The words were as hard to spit out as Vaseline was to swallow. But it was time. "You've been one of my closest friends for too long for me to hate you forever. I still think you're scum, and pathetic, and completely insensitive… but I guess that's the Jay I've known since kindergarten."

Jay smiled. "Thanks, Lexy. I really am sorry. For everything, not just the ravine… for anything I ever did to piss you off. I miss you." He stepped forward and wrapped his hand around her waist. He brought his face close to hers, meeting her eyes and asking permission for more.

Alex's eyes fell to the ground as she took a deep breath. "I miss you, too," she said slowly, still not looking at him, even as he hovered so closely. "But… not like that. I want us to be friends again, just like we've always been, because I miss that. I gotta have my favorite homeboy around."

She paused and moved a step or two away from him. She looked out at the dance floor. It only took moments for her eyes to hone in on Manny, her shimmering body in a fitted pink dress, dancing with a boy. Alex bit her lip and looked back at Jay. "I've been through a lot recently… I've been thinking a lot since we broke up. I'm not the same person I was. You're just… not what I want any more. Not like that."

Jay tried to fight the frown that threatened to wrinkle across his face. He nodded slowly, adjusting his cap. "I see," he said slowly. "Well, I can't say I'm ready to give up on you… but I guess I can take what I got for now." He yanked the cookie from Alex's hand and turned to leave. "See you around, kid."

o o o o o o o o

Inside their sweaty, naked teenage bodies, their hearts were pounding nervously. Spinner and Ellie laid on their backs in the quiet after-moments, panting heavily and staring up at the ceiling. It had been exciting and impassioned, but it had also been unexpected. A line had been crossed, and there was no going back. Once the moment of climax had passed, Spinner was slapped with the realization that he may have made a very big mistake.

"That was… great," Spinner said quietly to Ellie, looking at her through the dim.

Ellie nodded awkwardly in response. "Yeah. It was good. Thanks." She paused for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed him again. She sighed and flipped over on her side, her back to Spinner. "Man, I'm exhausted."

She was in fact not that tired at all; her mind was racing so fast she wasn't sure she'd fall asleep for hours. It was a strange feeling. The sex had felt nice, of course, especially after not having it for awhile. But it was different. Spinner was the only other person she'd been with other than Sean. It was a weird mark of moving on. She was scared about what it meant for her and Spinner, but she was genuinely satisfied by the sense of liberation it gave her. Sean wasn't the only one that had had her now. She'd given herself to someone else. She'd experienced someone else. It was the first step to letting go of the glossy memories of her first love.

Spinner watched Ellie turn away from him, apparently to fall asleep. He paused in awkward contemplation. What now? Should he leave? Should he go back to the couch? Was he welcome here? What was the spend-the-night etiquette when the person you hooked up with already lived with you? Cautiously, he slid towards Ellie and spooned her in his arms. If she wanted him to leave, she'd ask, right? Feeling the warmth of her body as he snuggled her in his arms, he decided it was worth the risk to stay in her bed.


	24. The Morning

When the morning came, Spinner was still holding Ellie in his arms. She felt nice, the way girls feel, but deep in his belly he was writhing in terror. What did sex mean for a friendship? He'd never been confronted with the issue before. He'd never really had a friend that was a girl, not the way Ellie was. At this point he felt like Ellie was his best friend. They were so close. And sure, he had _thoroughly_ enjoyed having sex with her, but what did this mean? What would it change? And what about Manny? He was furious and heartbroken, but he was still in love with her. What did it mean that he was already lying next to another girl naked? He regretted having stayed in Ellie's bed the whole night. Maybe it would have been easier for her, and for him, if she didn't have to wake up next to him.

He was rescued from these worrisome thoughts by someone knocking on the door. He eased out of the bed, trying not to wake Ellie, and threw on a t-shirt and his boxers on his way to answer the door. He was shocked to see Manny, holding a giant chocolate rose.

"Is it too late to save Valentine's Day?" she asked, sheepishly.

Spinner looked at the ground, holding in his anger as best as he could. "It's too late to save a lot of things, Manny," he said darkly.

Manny nodded, looking morose. "I know. I know I don't deserve another chance. It's just that…. It's just…."

"It's just what? You're too embarrassed to be _seen_ with me? I can't believe you hurt me like that twice. I must be a freaking idiot."

Manny started to tear up. "I'm not going to make excuses. I messed up. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You've been through enough as it is, and I never should have acted the way I did yesterday. But I do love you. I really do. And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you. I want to be with you."

Spinner looked at her, standing in the doorway, looking completely vulnerable. Manny hadn't made it easy on him, from the very beginning. It was constant hot and cold, off and on; a whirlpool of uncertainty. He knew that she was fragile, and that she was afraid, but he had put so much on the line for her, so many times. Would she stay true to her word this time?

"I love you, Manny," he said, biting his lip. "I don't want this to be over. But you have to promise me… make me the same promise I made you. Promise me you'll never break my heart."

Manny nodded. "I promise, Spin." She smiled and dove in for a dramatic embrace. She kissed him long and expertly on the mouth, so relieved to have him in her arms again. She had almost lost him a second time.

Behind them, they'd been watched. Ellie could feel her entire insides churning, her head spinning wildly in confusion. As if last night hadn't been weird enough, now she was watching Spinner all over Manny. She bit back a set of tears as hard as she could.

"Thanks for the dress," she spat angrily, throwing the blue dress at Manny's feet. "I hope you two are really happy together… Third time's a charm, right?"

Spinner's eyes widened. "Ellie, wait!"

"Save it, Spinner." And before he could utter another word, Ellie had stormed out the door.

o o o o o o o o

"So wait," said Marco, brewing a pot of coffee as a disheveled and frustrated Ellie sat at his kitchen table. He had been enjoying a Saturday morning of sleeping in after the hectic dance and the even more exhausting after-dance with Logan, when his ringing cell phone and Ellie's frantic murmurs had summoned him to wake up. "You mean you… with Spinner?"

Ellie cringed as he repeated it out loud. "Yeah. I did."

Marco had suspected for awhile that Ellie might have been developing a crush on Spinner, but this new slice of gossip threw him for a loop. He never imagined anything would actually happen, let alone _that_ thing, let alone while Spinner and Manny still had something going on. It left him with a mental image he would rather not have had first thing in the morning. Or ever, really.

He pulled out the coffee pot and poured himself and Ellie a cup, carrying them carefully to the kitchen table and sitting across from her. He had a million questions to ask, but he decided with he most important question first. "So… was it good?"

"Marco!" Ellie groaned. She sighed and ran her fingers through her unbrushed crimson hair. "It was… fine. It was nice. Spinner's cute, he's a good kisser…"

"Well-endowed?"

Ellie blushed. "Okay, yeah, we are stopping this part of the conversation _now_. The sex is not what's important now…"

Marco widened his eyes as he reached out and put his hand urgently on top of Ellie's. "How is the sex not important?!"

"It's not important _now,_" she emphasized, trying to ignore Marco's flippant attitude. She should have known it would be hard to talk about this with him and still avoid the more embarrassing aspects. "The problem is all the_ after_. All the crap that I have the deal with. You know, all the reasons I never should have let this happen in the first place."

Marco sipped his coffee and gazed at Ellie over the rim of his mug. "So why did you, El?"

She thought about it, sifting through the memories of last night's intimate moments with Spinner. Why? Because she liked him. Because she was curious. Because she missed the way it felt to be touched. "I mean, it's been awhile, and Spinner and I are so comfortable together, and I guess I was just… horny."

A gentle spray of coffee erupted suddenly from Marco's lips as he was unable to contain his laughter. Ellie glared at him as he regained his composure. "Sorry, El, I just… I've never heard you say that word. I've never heard any girl say it. It sounds weird."

"Uh-huh. Girls have needs too, you know. But _that's_ not the point, Marco. The point is, it kind of happened because it seemed like Spinner and Manny were over. And then Manny showed up this morning and I heard them talking, and when I got dressed and came out I saw them kissing and…"

"They're so not over?"

"Not by the looks of it. So now where does that leave me? It's going to be weird between me and Spinner, it's going to weird between me and Manny…. It's going to be weird between me and… me. I'm completely confused, Marco. I don't know what I was thinking."

Marco gently patted the hand of his best friend, watching her softly. "Well… what do you think you should do?"

Ellie sighed and took a much-needed gulp of strong coffee. "I don't know."

o o o o o o o o

Ellie's dramatic departure had left Manny confused and Spinner with a lot to explain. He tried to avoid as many details as possible, and tried to emphasize the drinking he'd done even though he had hardly been drunk, but even in his muddled description it had to come out that he and Ellie had hooked up. Manny was angry, and jealous, at first, but she realized she couldn't really blame him. She probably would have done the same thing. She had started liking Spinner while he was with another girl, and had been pursuing another boy while he had been falling for her… their relationship had never really reflected the kind of picture-perfect trajectory she'd idolized as child. No relationship she'd been in ever had. She couldn't be hung up on the imperfections.

They talked for awhile, after Ellie had left, crying a little and kissing a lot, trying to decide if it was worth it to keep going.

"I mean, are you in love with Ellie?" Manny had asked. She definitely didn't want to be involved in another triangle. "Do you want to be with her now?"

"I'm not in love with her," Spinner answered quickly. It was hard to describe how he felt about Ellie. He loved her, definitely, even if he could never say it out loud. He cared about her and liked being around her, but it was nothing like his affection for Manny. Manny consumed his every thought. "Ellie and I are just friends. We just got a little out of control last night. But it's not going to happen again. She's like, just a really good friend."

By the time Manny left later that afternoon, she and Spinner were officially official once more, ready it give it another try.

o o o o o o o o

Spinner waited for hours, nervously, for Ellie to come home. In his anxious wait, he even picked up the apartment a little bit, hoping to soften whatever reaction she was going to have. It was evening when she finally walked through the door. Spinner was stroking Bueller therapeutically and staring at the TV without really watching it. He looked over at her expectantly and turned the television off.

"Ellie," he said at once. "I'm so sorry." He wasn't entirely sure what he was apologizing for, as he often didn't, but with girls he knew it was better to be safe than sorry. Or rather, to be sorry to be safe.

Ellie stared mostly at the floor as she walked slowly towards Spinner and sat down in the arm chair across from him. "What happened last night was a huge mistake," she said, half-smiling and shaking her head.

Spinner nodded as if in agreement, although the words kind of stung. It wasn't a _huge_ mistake… was it?

Ellie continued. "I've been worried about it for awhile, what might happen with two sad, lonely people living together…" Her own words depressed her. "But you have a girlfriend. And the way I feel about you… it isn't like that. And sometimes I think it is, and sometimes I even get jealous of you and Manny, and after what happened last night…" Tears tugged on her eyelids, much to her surprise, and she had to swallow to make them retreat. She hadn't thought it would be this hard. "I'm still really messed up over Sean. You've become a great friend, and I thought we could make this work, but living with you… it's messing with my head. It's too much, spending all my time with you, getting so close…. I can't do it any more."

Spinner's brow furled in confusion. He felt his heart sinking in his chest. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Ellie took a deep breath, and began to speak with more resolve. She had to do this. "I mean I can't live with you any more. For the band, for our friendship, for my sanity… we can't live together any more. It's getting weird. We need some space. I don't want you to feel rushed or anything, I want to make sure you have somewhere to go… but I need you to move out. It'll be best… for both of us."


	25. Dependency

Spinner had grown so cozy in his routine living with Ellie, the thought that it might come to such an abrupt end had never crossed his mind. Throughout the entire unpleasant process of packing up his things and moving them over to Jay's apartment, Ellie tried to be helpful and continue to insist that they were still friends. But it still left a nagging ache in the bottom of Spinner's belly. Plain and simple, he would miss her.

Jay's apartment was even more run-down and pitiful than Ellie's, and it most definitely lacked that vibrant feminine touch. Jay had been living on his own for a year after being emancipated from his lackluster mother, and his daily routine consisted of working all day at the auto shop, drinking all night, renting lots of porn, and subsisting mostly on Cheerios and Ramen Noodles. In a surprising act of gallantry, Jay scavenged up a twin mattress and box springs to squeeze into the trashed, cramped room that he and Spinner would share. He was kind of into the whole thing. It would be like having a brother to share in his world of no school, no parents, and no rules.

The weeks passed quickly and soon the life Spinner had lived with Ellie was fading in memory. With Ellie, it had felt like home. A place where he could be safe and at peace. With Jay, it was like a 24/7 sleepover… at a crackhouse. It was fun, but it also lacked a certain warmth. It was dirty, reckless living. While living with Ellie had kept his spirits reasonably high, living in Jay's apartment made it much easier to miss his home with his family. He missed normalcy and stability.

He slipped easily into Jay's party-sleep-work cycle. He often lamented how he'd gotten where he was. The boy without friends. The boy without a home. The boy without a future. Thoughts of hurting Jimmy plagued his sleep. Memories of his parents and sister made his insides ache. It didn't seem like there would again be a life for him other than party-work-sleep. This was it. This was his life, no way out.

o o o o o o o o

For Ellie, it was back to the quiet. It felt strange, turning out the lights each night and getting under her covers knowing that no one else was there with her, even if it was in the other room. It was strange to come home from school and have nothing but the still and silent house waiting for her. Everything was always the same way she had left it, untouched by another human. The toilet seat was always down. The TV was always off. No more grilled cheeses. No more movie nights. No more songwriting sessions.

It left her anxious. It left her with nothing to do but sit and sift through thoughts she would rather leave untouched. There was a pang in her heart, and a familiar itch was beginning to unravel in her nervous mind. She hated that the loss of Spinner had been such a devastating blow to her emotional state, but she couldn't deny that she was feeling unstable. She couldn't deny that she had lately been tracing her scars with her fingertips, longing.

She had told Spinner that they would still be friends, but in all honesty, they only ever saw each other at band rehearsals, which had started up again, about twice a week. There was something missing in the group's energy. It just wasn't the same as when they had been working towards the Battle of the Bands. The tension between Spinner and Ellie, between Spinner and Manny, and Marco's head always in the clouds over his new romance… the spark was gone. They continued to learn the new material, but it lacked the same zest.

o o o o o o o o

It was mid-way into March, and Ellie was standing over a table in the back of a room in the Rec Center. She filled a Styrofoam cup with coffee and stirred in some sugar as other teenagers filed into the room and began sitting down in the circle of plastic chairs. As Ellie joined the group and quietly took her seat, she briefly met eyes with Craig, who was sitting on the opposite side of the circle. They both smiled half-heartedly before looking away again.

Ellie had been attending this mental health support group for nearly a year now, and had come to love the comfort it brought to share her thoughts each week. In the last month, Craig had joined as well, looking for support in coping with his bipolar disorder. Ellie was proud of him for reaching out for help, but she hadn't yet been able to make a connection with him in group. There was still a rift between them over Spinner and the events of the Battle of the Bands.

"Ellie, why don't you open up the conversation for us today," said Bryce, the group leader. Heads turned to face the redhead as she was singled out. "We haven't heard as much from you the past few sessions."

Ellie nodded and took a deep breath. "Well, I've been thinking a lot about loneliness lately," she said slowly, digging through her tangled thoughts to put them into words. "I mean, I guess I've been feeling really lonely lately. Which isn't such a big deal, really, but it's scary to me how much I think about cutting whenever I'm alone. I told you guys about my boyfriend, you know I moved in with him when my mom went to rehab. And while we were living together I barely ever even thought about cutting. I didn't think I'd ever even want to do it again. And when he moved out… I started thinking about it again. I was really depressed and vulnerable when my boyfriend left and it took _a lot_ to keep myself from cutting. And then I got a roommate, and we became really good friends, and it was like I was cured all over again."

At those particular words, Craig lifted his head and looked right at Ellie. Their eyes met for only a moment before Ellie dropped hers to the linoleum floor. Craig was suddenly interested. He had heard a lot of dark stories from Ellie in group, things he had never known about her. He had never realized before just how quietly she suffered. The idea that Spinner had provided comfort and stability for Ellie was a shocking thought to Craig. He listened as she continued.

"So my roommate moved out about a month ago, and I didn't really think twice about it. I mean, I didn't think it would be a big deal to me. But the loneliness is really starting to get to me, and it's taking me to this really depressing place, and I feel so _frustrated._ Like, I've come so far, and just because I start to get a little lonely, all of that could fall apart? It seems so unfair. Like, I thought I could beat this, I thought I was getting better… now I wonder if I'm ever going to be okay. I guess… what I'm worried about is dependency. I don't want to be with someone just because I can't be okay on my own. I want to be okay… on my own."

o o o o o o o o o

At the end of the session, the group members slowly trickled out and walked back towards their ordinary lives, where the secret suffering they revealed in group was hidden behind fake smiles. Ellie's mind was swimming with disparaging thoughts as she threw her bag over her shoulder. She was surprised, as she walked down the hall towards the exit, to feel someone's feet in stride with her own. She looked over and saw Craig walking beside her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Ellie responded lifelessly.

Craig swallowed hard as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets and continued. "You know um, what you said in group today… I feel that way sometimes. Like a lot, with Ashley. Sometimes I wonder if she's only with me because she doesn't think I can take care of myself. Sometimes… I wonder if I care about her as much as I think I do, or if I really just don't want to deal with this alone."

Ellie held her breath. That was kind of an intimate thing to share, particularly when it related to one of her best friends. "You should have mentioned that in group. That's what it's supposed to be about, sharing things so we can all see that we're not alone. So that we can learn from each other."

Craig scratched his head. "Yeah, I guess so. I guess I'm still getting used to the 'group' thing. I just thought you would understand most." He paused, afraid to push her any further. "So, Spinner… he's doing alright?"

Ellie stopped. She wasn't only taken aback by the fact that Craig would even mention Spinner around her. She was even more surprised to realize she didn't have the answer to his question. Was Spinner alright? She saw him biweekly at practice, but their interactions were stale and surface-level. Was Spinner alright? Was she even alright? She felt helpless not knowing.

She lowered her eyes at Craig. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" she told him, before walking briskly away.


	26. The Ravine

It was an exceptionally pleasant afternoon for Jay Hogart. He was used to feeling pretty friendless, after Towerz moved away, Sean bailed, Amy was persona non-grata, Alex had dumped him, and he'd been kicked out of school. But today he was surrounded by the warmth of friends. He had gone so far as to clean up all the empty beer bottles and spray some Febreeze on the couch, since there were girls coming over and everything. He sat in a circle with Spinner, Manny, and Alex, digging through boxes of Chinese take-out, listening to Eminem, and laughing. It was a good day.

Manny, sitting on her boyfriend's lap while she sipped on a Coca-Cola, was feeling a similar glow of contentment. True, Jay's apartment was about as disgusting as a gas station bathroom, but she found that she liked coming over and hanging out as a crew. Now that Alex and Jay were friends again, she could spend time with her boyfriend and one of her newest favorite friends at the same time. And Jay.... well, Jay was funny, however sarcastic and politically incorrect.

"We should totally hit up the ravine tonight, guys," said Jay. The foursome had been having so much fun together, he kind of wasn't ready to let it end.

"The _ravine_?" Manny and Alex uttered together in simultaneous disgust.

"Um, isn't that the gonorrhea breeding ground?" said Manny, shuddering at the thought.

"Yeah, and Cheating Scumbag Central?" Alex quipped just as fast. She said it partially in jest, it being her prerogative to give Jay a hard time, but she definitely didn't feel like the ravine was the place to rekindle their friendship.

Jay laughed a little and rolled his eyes. "It's not all bad. And the anonymous hooking up has toned down a bit… more like _a lot, _since the whole… STD thing. People are being a little more cautious."

"Now there's an idea," Alex said with an eye-roll and a mouth full of noodles.

Jay continued unfazed. "But it's still a great party spot. Tall Shorty said there was going to be a keg tonight."

Manny wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Tall Shorty? Isn't that a little… oxymoronic?"

"Don't try to understand thugs, Manny. You'll just hurt yourself." Manny proceeded to stick her tongue out at Jay in response, which he and Alex both smiled at. Jay glanced over at Alex, hoping she was at least a little bit enticed. Having her come around again had really brought his mood back up since his expulsion, and he wanted to keep her around more often. "Come on guys, it'll be cool. We can't sit around here all night."

"We really can't," Manny interrupted snappily. "The smell is starting to get to me…"

Jay ignored her and continued. He was still staring at Alex, pleading with his eyes. "Seriously, guys. Friends, booze, bonfire?"

Alex poked at the last of her noodles with her chopsticks and shrugged at last. "Yeah sure, why not. I could use some free beer." She looked at her watch. "I guess I'm gonna go home and change. I'll meet you guys back here at 8:00?"

Jay beamed and nodded enthusiastically. Alex waved goodbye to the group and headed out the door. Jay glanced over at Spinner and Manny, grinning proudly. "I am so back in the game, guys," he said to them.

"Back in _what_ game?" Manny asked.

"Back in the Alex game. She's been over here practically every day this week. I can tell she wants to get back together. Tonight at the ravine… it's time to start making things happen." He paused suddenly, as a look of concern came over his face. He lifted his arm and took a long whiff of his armpit. "I'd better take a shower."

As Jay scurried off towards the bathroom, Manny shuddered slightly. "You know, I really have a hard time understanding how you guys can actually _bathe_ in there," she said to Spinner, stroking her fingers affectionately through his hair.

Spinner shrugged. "Don't worry, we don't really bathe that often." His voice was slightly lifeless. He found that it was hard to make jokes.

Manny rolled her eyes and giggled. "Well that's comforting. So, do I need to go home and change, too? What exactly does one wear to the ravine? I imagine there's some kind of Skank Grunge-O dress code."

Spinner shook his head dismissively at the thought of partying in the ravine. "I don't really want to go to that. We've got plenty of beer here, and I don't want to deal with those people." He reached out and touched Manny's face. "Why don't we just stay in and watch a movie?"

Manny frowned. Spinner was like this more and more. He never wanted to go out. He barely even wanted to move from the couch. Manny would come over to see him, and it was always the same: he'd be drinking on the couch, watching the television with lifeless eyes. It had been so long since she'd seen him smile, and it was breaking her heart.

She crawled off his lap and started tugging on his arm. "Come on, baby, it'll be fun. We stay in _every_ night. Let's go out for once, mingle with other people." She smiled coyly. "Maybe we can find the back of a van to crawl into together?"

Spinner shrugged, completely unresponsive even when Manny was trying to use sex to lure him. "Why? We've got a bed for that, and Jay's going to be out all night."

Manny sighed. "That's not the _point_. It's supposed to be exciting to hook up in public. It's supposed to be exciting to leave your house period." She felt like she was talking to a brick wall. Didn't _anything _make him happy anymore? "Come on, please? For me?"

Spinner wouldn't budge. "You should go if you want to, sweetie. Really. I don't want to keep you from having fun." He got up and walked to the kitchen to grab a beer. "But I just don't feel like it."

Manny watched the deadened look in his face as he sat back down and used the bottle opener on his key chain to pop open the beer. She thought of him sitting alone in the dark, beer after beer, not moving. Not feeling. "No, it's fine," she said softly. She couldn't leave him like that, as much as she was aching to have some fun for once. She laid her head of thick black curls on his shoulder. "I'll stay here with you, boo."

o o o o o o o o

Sitting alone on the edge of her bed, Ellie attempted to wipe the deluge of painful tears from her face. She had been sitting for three hours, thinking about Sean, her mom, Spinner, the rent… life in general. Maybe she wasn't strong enough, after all. Maybe she couldn't keep her own apartment, live her own life, keep her grades up in school… the towering stresses and heartbreaks seemed like to much to face.

There was a pocket knife on her night stand. She had been staring at it all afternoon. She knew it was stupid to put the temptation in front of her, but she didn't care. She _wanted_ to give in. She wanted to give up. The sweet sting of metal to skin, the mental rush of watching the blood trickle out of her body… She wanted to feel it again. She wanted to make the noise go away. She wanted to hone in on a single, manageable point of pain, so that she could ignore the rest.

The ringing of her cell phone saved her from those treacherous thoughts. She waited a moment, pulling herself together, before reaching for the phone and answering it. "Hey Alex," she said. She hoped it didn't sound like she had been crying.

"Hey lady," Alex said on the other line. "So are you free tonight? Jay invited me out, and I thought Spinner and Manny were coming too, but it turns out they backed out. I really don't want to be stuck alone with Jay… I think he thinks we're going to hook up or something. So, help a sister out?"

"Where are we going, exactly?"

Alex laughed. "The ravine, actually. You know I'm a sucker for irony."

Ellie hesitated. The ravine was the last place she wanted to go. A bunch of drunk idiots bragging about their cars and trying to score a cheap hook-up. She didn't think she could stop crying long enough to leave her apartment. But then she took a deep breath, and reconsidered. She couldn't let herself slip, and staying at home staring at a pocket knife was just setting herself up for disaster. She had to leave the house. She had to feel something other than this.

"Alright," she said, sighing. "I'll be ready in about twenty minutes."

o o o o o o o o

The ravine was very much filled with the rambunctious assortment of delinquents and hot-heads that you would expect. It only took four beers for Jay to start acting painfully obvious about his intentions to win Alex back. It only took half a beer for Alex to start getting annoyed.

"I've got to take a break from this," Alex whispered desperately to Ellie. "Can you distract him? Just for like, twenty minutes? Long enough for me to smoke a little and get over how much he's getting on my nerves."

Ellie looked over at Jay, who was quickly becoming a drunken fool, and sighed. "I guess so. But you owe me. _Profoundly_."

Alex smiled and gave a quick thank you as she snuck off, leaving Ellie to tangle Jay up in whatever diversion conversation she could come up with. Alex walked past drunken idiot after drunken idiot, as she took a seat in a lawn chair beside the fire. She reached into her pocket and discretely pulled out a small bag of pot and rolling papers. She delicately sprinkled the dried green leaves into the small fold of paper, then licked the edges carefully and rolled it into a joint.

As she raised her head to light it, she noticed someone on the other side of the fire, smiling at her. It was a short, built girl with shaggy blonde hair. She was wearing a giant black Nirvana t-shirt over gray tights, her arms clad in an array of rubber bracelets. She tugged on her lip ring slightly as she grinned at Alex. Alex felt a little confused as she took the first puff of the joint and blew the smoke over the top of the bonfire flames. The girl was checking Alex out. It was unmistakable.

The girl picked up her chair and moved to the other side of the fire, placing it right beside Alex. "That was pretty impressive," she said, her wide blue eyes beaming at Alex. "I respect a lady who knows how to roll a quick joint."

Alex smiled slightly, still disbelieving. The girl was flirting, it was written all over her face. Alex went with it, excited by the unexpected opportunity. "Well, I don't like to brag or anything… but I'm basically the shit."

The girl pursed her lips coyly. "Is that so?"

Alex held the joint out to the grungy blonde. "Take a hit. See for yourself."

The blonde smiled as she took the joint in her fingers and took a slow drag. Alex watched her lips carefully as they blew out a trail of white smoke. Soft, pink. She wanted them. "That's a solid joint," the girl remarked with a satisfied grin. "I'm Kayla, by the way."

"Alex."

Kayla scratched her knees idly through the thick material of her tights. Alex watched as one foot wrapped itself nervously around the other. "I've never seen you here before. You're really cute."

Alex's eyes widened, and she even blushed a little, something she wasn't used to. It was totally out there. Kayla was ripe for the plucking. Alex had played this game before, but only with men. But as she watched Kayla's seductive eyes, she realized the rules couldn't be all that different. "You're really straightforward. I like it. You wanna… share the rest of this with me?"

Kayla nodded. "I can't say no to a solid joint. You know, I'm pretty sure there's an empty van over there. That way we can have a little privacy."

The next thing she knew, Alex's hand was in Kayla's as she was led through the crowd, off to disappear into a van with a cute girl. She _had_ always been a sucker for irony.

o o o o o o o o

"Where did Alex go?" Jay asked, now six beers deep into the night. There was genuine disappointment in his voice.

"Good question," Ellie muttered in annoyance. She had run out of mindless banter in which to engage Jay, and it was getting further and further past the twenty-minute window Alex had asked for.

Jay's eyes grew wide as someone approached them, and the shock of the sight made him forget all about Alex for the moment. "Holy shit! What the hell are you doing here, man!" Drunkenly, he threw his arms around the boy. "You are just in time to get _shitty_. Heh, but when is it _not_ the time, you know what I'm sayin?"

The boy smiled warmly at Jay. "It's good to see you, too, man." His eyes drifted to Ellie, whose jaw was nearly on the floor at the sight of him. "And it's really good to see you, El."

Ellie was completely floored. For the first few seconds, she couldn't even speak. She couldn't believe it. After more than six months of begin gone, Sean Cameron was standing mere inches away from her.


	27. Can't Help Falling

Ellie lie awake in her bed, covers pulled up all the way to her chin. Breathing slowly, she stared at the crumbling dry-wall of the ceiling as the light outside grew brighter. She was afraid to leave her bed. Afraid to go out into the living room and face her ex-boyfriend, who had spent the night on the couch.

Catching up with Sean in the ravine the night before had been surreal and dizzying. She had half-listened while he talked about the conflict with his parents, how had moved out and lived with a friend for a few weeks (a _girl_ friend, Ellie pessimistically assumed), and how he had ultimately decided Toronto was where all his friends were. And so he was back.

Ellie talked to him about how she'd been living with Spinner, building the band… She only mentioned the good. She didn't want him seeing how badly he had wounded her, especially when he seemed to have gotten on so swimmingly.

Sean talked about how important it was that he had left; he really wanted to make her understand. But it only make Ellie sick inside to hear it. All this time she had been distracted by the bliss of music and new friends, finally free from the crushing blow of her broken heart. With him right beside her, still trying to justify what he had done, the wounds were ripped open once more. She still couldn't believe it. She couldn't _believe_ how easy it was for him to walk away, when she never would have been able to do the same to him. She wanted to leave him there, at the ravine, and never see him again. _She_ wanted to be the heartbreaker this time.

She wanted to be over him. But as they spoke in the dark by the glowing firelight, and she could see his eyes and face up close again, she realized that she wasn't over him. When he talked about missing her, she couldn't help but melt. She didn't want to want him, but she couldn't deny the longing, and it was pulling her in different directions. Leaving her heart in shreds.

So of course she invited him home. She explained that it was too soon, she was still too startled and uncertain, to invite him into the room they'd once shared. But she still couldn't say no to giving him some couch space. He had to sleep somewhere, after all. She felt good having him even that near again. She felt good having _anyone_ that near.

With a loaded sigh, she eventually lifted her heavy heart out of bed and walked into the living room, waiting to face him.

But he wasn't there. Confused, she picked up the note he had left on the coffee table.

_El-_

_Sorry for disappearing. Jay got me an interview at the garage. Thanks for letting me crash. I know it's weird, dropping back in like this, and I don't want you to feel weird. If you want to hang out again, you have my number. I wouldn't mind seeing you again. But there's no pressure. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed for that phone call._

_-Sean_

Ellie carelessly dropped the note to the ground and rubbed her temples as she moved towards the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. To call or not to call? That question was not exactly how she'd hoped to start her day.

o o o o o o o o

"Well this is _great_," whined Marco, his voice laced with disparaging sarcasm as he sipped his coffee at the back table at the Dot. "This is just great. Sean runs away all dramatically, and then Ellie goes through this ridiculous up and down with Spinner, and then Sean just swoops back in like nothing ever went wrong? Are you kidding me? She yapped my ear off for an hour on the phone, first thing in the morning. Seriously, Ellie cannot handle this. This is so unfair."

Alex sat across from him, stirring a slow stream of sugar granules into her own brew. She sympathized with Ellie's plight, sure, but she found herself hard-pressed to muster up any real concern. Life was life. Love was love. It was always throwing you bull shit. And at the moment, in particular, Alex was so engulfed in her own love-life turmoil that she couldn't make herself care about Ellie's. She gazed at Marco, thinking about what he had endured and experienced to own up to his sexual identity. And then she thought back to the night before, at the ravine, and the encounter she'd had with Kayla in the van.

She'd been thinking about it a lot lately. Girls. She had always had… certain feelings. Girls. She had found them attractive. She had often wanted to touch them. She had often felt a little numb and unsatisfied in her encounters with men. But before, it was difficult to think twice on those feelings. She suppressed her curiosities. All her life she had been callous and numb to emotion.

The only boy she'd ever been serious with was Jay. It was easy to be serious with Jay because she genuinely loved him. She had known him for so long, they were best friends. But now that that had ended, now that she was older, now that was falling for someone new, now that she had experienced something new… she knew what she really wanted. She knew for certain something she had always silently wondered about herself.

"Yeah, Cameron's a real mystery," Alex responded uninterestedly, watching the sugar dissolve in her coffee. "You know, the coffee here is way over priced. Like, three dollars for something I could make at home for twenty-five cents? It's ridiculous." She lifted her mug and took a sip. "Also, I had sex with a girl last night."

Marco convulsed involuntarily as he spat out a mouthful of coffee, feeling a serious moment of déjà vu as he remembered his reaction to hearing Ellie dish about Spinner.

Alex simply drank her coffee, raising an eyebrow at Marco. "Wow, drama queen much?"

Marco reached for some napkins and started cleaning up the table, still a little taken aback by Alex's blunt confession. "It's kind of news when one of my friends hooks up… particularly with someone of the same-sex." He smiled, and started to gush. He sat up a little straighter in his seat, eyeing Alex intensely. "So it's true, then."

Alex tried to look emotionless, as if this wasn't the biggest secret she'd shared with someone since telling Manny she was pregnant. "What's true?"

He could hardly resist the excitement of this juicy news. "That you've got the gay!" Alex lowered her eyes, unamused by his joke, and Marco softened his tone. "Sorry. It's just… I've kind of wondered, a little bit. For awhile now."

"I don't 'have the gay,' Marco. Well, I mean… yeah. Actually. Actually, yeah, you know what? I feel really comfortable with this. Well, I feel _kind of_ comfortable. But I really think I want to start being with girls. I think it will make me… happier."

"You? Happy?" Marco teased. "Wouldn't _that _be a pleasant change of pace…"

Alex tried to fight the soft giggle that escaped her lips. It was weird, how happy it made her just to say it out loud. Part of her could hardly believe that she was discussing something so intimate with Marco Del Rossi, someone she had never even imagined _liking, _let alone trusting. But she wanted to _talk_ about it. She wanted to say it out loud, so that it would feel real. And of all the people she knew… she felt like Marco would be the most understanding. He was kind of obligated to, right? Gayfer-solidarity?

Alex paused for a moment. "So wait… what do you mean you've _wondered_?"

Marco exhaled. He wasn't sure if he wanted to touch on something sensitive. "Honestly? I started noticing it when you and Manny started getting so buddy-buddy. The way you look at her, the way you act around her, the way you talk about her… All the tell-tale signs of a crush."

Alex blushed and couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at the mention of Manny's name. She stared shyly into her coffee. "Well, Manny's… Manny. She's great. It's hard not to… be attracted to her."

Marco bit his lip. He had never really felt like he was in a position to give someone love advice. Things were working out well with Logan, but before that, all of his experiences had been a string of awkward, fumbling, stressful times. But he'd seen Manny break hearts before, and he knew that wasn't the way Alex should start off in her new explorations with love.

"Um… Alex… I think you should be careful. With Manny, I mean. It's one thing to look, it's another to want more. As far as I know, Manny's straight as a ruler. Don't get your hopes up for someone who's probably not going to return your feelings."

Alex felt a slight sting in her stomach. She swallowed hard. "Of course, dude. I mean… no, I know that. Come on. All I'm saying is Manny's hot. We all know she's hot. Can't I think a girl is hot? Man. I don't have a _crush_." It wasn't like she thought about Manny all the time, after all. Just… most of the time.

Marco nodded at her, though he was far from convinced. "Right. Sure. I just had to say something. When Ellie and I tried dating, even though I knew it was a lie… it was ugly. I know I hurt her, just because I couldn't like her the way she liked me. It's not fun."

Alex nodded, taking a deep breath. Redefining her sexuality might have a few more curveballs that she expected.


	28. Drunk In Love

Note: Shameless Cassie Steele reference. I can't help myself.

-o-o-o-o-

It was Friday again, a week after the surprise-packed night at the ravine. Alex couldn't believe her good fortune at getting two Friday nights off work in a row, and had even considered going back to the ravine. She might run into the blonde hottie again, which wouldn't have been a bad thing. But after school, she had been propositioned by a different girl. A girl she couldn't resist, even though she knew she should.

"I loooove girls night," Manny slurred dreamily. In a white tank top and pink cotton shorts, she was strewn comfortably across Alex's bed, cradling a bottle of wine in her arms. "Like, seriously. You have no idea how much I needed this. I've been at Spinner's place _every _night this week, watching bad TV while he mopes and drinks beer. All he ever does is go to work, get drunk with Jay, and talk about how pathetic he is. I want to be there for him, but it's getting hard to watch."

They had spent the afternoon together, playing air hockey at the mall arcade, sneaking into a movie, and playing Marry-Bury-Fuck on the busride home. It was constant smiles and adorable banter, the way it always was when they spent time together. Manny had even asked to stay over at Alex's house for the night, which she had never done before. Alex felt uneasy having her so deep inside her personal space. Being in her room, lying on her bed.

She genuinely wanted to believe that Manny was only a friend, but when confronted with Marco's advice, she realized that wasn't true. That had never been true. Alex had wanted Manny from the very beginning. She had fallen hard and inexplicably. How was she supposed to keep those feelings inside?

"So you're just going to hide from him, then?" Alex asked, reaching out for the bottle of wine, which Manny passed. "If it's going that badly, why don't you just break up? Why are you torturing yourself?"

Manny sighed and rubbed her drunken temples. "I can't. I can't leave him again. I've already put him through enough. He needs me." Manny frowned, wrestling with the hideous conflict inside her. She wanted to be with Spinner, but she wanted to be with the Spinner she'd known before. Before the shooting, before Jimmy, before the booze and the depression. But how could she leave him? "He needs me," she said again, softly.

_I need you,_ Alex thought to herself. Her own longing tortured her.

Manny looked up at Alex and tried to forget about Spinner. She smiled. "Thanks so much for letting me stay over," she said. "Everything seems easy when we hang out. Like, it just works. I feel totally stress-free."

The words made Alex feel just as good inside as they tore her apart. She didn't want to play games any more. She didn't want to play friendsies. She wanted to get what she wanted. Sometimes it was hard for Alex to say no to herself.

"You're so pretty, Manny," Alex said, letting each word roll gently off her tongue. She traced the edges of her own lips with the mouth of the wine bottle, staring at Manny.

Manny blushed. "Um, thanks."

"No really." She reached forward and combed her fingers through Manny's hair. "You're so pretty. I can't even believe how pretty you are." She could hardly help the lame babble that was pouring out of her mouth. She moved closer to the girl beside her, drunk and in love. Drunk-in-love with Manny.

Manny cooed soundlessly at the affection that was being bestowed upon her. It made her feel fluffy and warm. So fluffy and warm, drunk and happy, that she was only vaguely aware of the lust in Alex's eyes.

"I want to kiss you," Alex said, softly but decisively. "I really do."

Manny bit her lip, giggling nervously. She yanked the bottle of wine from Alex's hand and took a long gulp. "Um, wow. Whoa. Really?"

Alex wouldn't take her eyes off of Manny's. "Really."

Manny took another drink of wine, feeling a little weird in her stomach. It _was_ awful hard to turn down a drunk-make-out. Nothing wrong with a little fun, right? Friends could totally make out. That was what made sense in Manny's wine-laden mind, anyway.

She laughed. "Yeah. Okay." She smiled at Alex. It was like truth or dare. "Sure."

Manny leaned forward, not sure what would actually happen. Alex didn't pause for a single breath. She grasped a handful of Manny's hair and pulled her close, pressing her lips hard against Manny's. Her aggressiveness was a little startling to Manny, but once they started kissing, it hardly mattered. It was good. Really good. Alex was a fierce kisser, pinning Manny's shoulders to the bed, raking her fingers through her hair as she danced, tongue and lips, over tongue and lips.

o o o o o o o o

For Sean, adjusting to life back in Toronto was surreal, but comforting all the same. He had just started his new job at the garage with Jay, and already he felt like he belonged there. He had talked to Ms. Hatzilakos about taking some night classes in the summer, maybe getting back into school in the fall. He had found a reasonable apartment, and it was even in the same building as Alex and her mother. He had been disappointed to learn that Towerz was gone, but he was determined to rebuild a relationship with one of his few other friends, Alex.

Sean walked down the stairs to the floor where she lived and knocked on her door. Alex answered, still in her pajamas, her dark hair flaring in all different directions.

He smirked at her. "Long night?" he said jokingly.

Alex squinted at him with sleepy eyes. "I'm just a teency bit hung-over," she answered, gesturing with her hand. As she leaned against the door frame, her droopy face indicated that "teency" was a bit of an understatement.

"Well I'm glad I came by, then. I thought you might be interested in a little wake and bake? I've got a blunt rolled and ready to go."

A gleam of joy spread across Alex's exhausted face. "Now you're talkin'."

The pair went into Alex's bedroom and sat across from one another on the floor, Indian-style. Sean looked at the sleeping pile of girl on Alex's bed, then at Alex, then back at the bed. Then back at Alex, with an eyebrow cocked. "Um, is that Manny Santos passed out in your bed?"

"Yes," Alex answered emotionlessly, digging a lighter out of her sock drawer. She took the blunt from Sean, ignoring his shocked expression as she lit it and acted like Manny wasn't even there.

"Wow. I mean, no offense, but when I left, it didn't seem like Manny was the kind of person you'd hang out with. Or even look at, if you could help it."

Alex passed the blunt and laughed softly. "Yeah, well… Even I get surprised by things."

"Uh-huh. And how exactly did this surprise happen?"

Alex paused for a moment as she thought about it, taking the blunt back from Sean's fingers and taking a long, deep drag. "It sort of coincided with another… Surprise." She exhaled a cloud of smoke, thinking back to the trying time she'd experienced a few months ago, with Manny by her side.

As Sean took the blunt back, his curiosity was obviously piqued. "Uh-_huh_. Care to elaborate…? I mean, if you want to."

Alex sighed. In a weird way, she kind of did want to. She was tired of pretending like it had never happened. It had happened. It was an unfortunate experience, but it had still happened. She wasn't ashamed. She wasn't ashamed of her unwanted pregnancy like she wasn't ashamed of her sexuality. She was ready to start being honest about who she was, the good and the bad; the confident and brutally in-your-face Lexi she'd been since childhood.

"Well, you know, something happened. Jay and I weren't as careful as we should have been, and I sort of… got knocked up. And when I had to get an abortion, Manny was the only one there for me. For whatever weird reason, she was the only one I could get any help from."

Sean's face went slightly white with shock and sympathy. "But what about Jay?"

"Jay and I weren't exactly on speaking terms, after all the ravine bull shit and cheating on me with Amy and the gonorrhea…"

"Jay got with _Amy_? And got gonorrhea?" Just how much _had_ Sean missed in sixth months?

Alex nodded. "I know, right? He got with like, every skank on the block. He's probably the one who gave it to your precious little Enviro-Blonde."

"Jay got with _Emma_?"

Alex shrugged. Sean was floored.

Sean's ever-increasing volume had woken Manny up, and as she stirred, Alex and Sean both looked up at her. Manny rubbed her head, which was throbbing with a heinous wine-hangover. Slightly disoriented, she took a moment to fully come into consciousness, and then was somewhat startled to see Sean and Alex smoking pot on the floor.

"Oh," she said, her throat scratchy and tired. "Um. Morning, guys."

"Morning," answered Alex.

Sean looked back and forth between the two girls. "It's actually um, three in the afternoon, guys." He took a hit of the blunt in his hand and, chuckling slightly, handed it towards Manny. "You um… wanna hit?"

Manny wrinkled her nose at the smoke that rose from the lit end of the brown object. She didn't even look at Alex. "Yeah, no thanks. Actually, I should get going. I can't believe I slept so late. My parents won't be happy. Um, later Alex."

She hopped off the bed and scrambled to pick up her clothes, sliding into her jeans and making a very abrupt departure. Alex frowned, confused as she watched Manny leave. Now that she was sober, Alex was full of regret. Obviously, last night had been a mistake, and Manny clearly felt weird about it. Had it honestly been worth it, all for one make-out session? Alex had pushed things too far, she thought, and now she was wondering if Manny would ever even want to talk to her again.


	29. Exposed

Note: There's probably 5-7 more chapters, if you're curious.

-o-o-o-o-o-

After a stressful Monday with a math test, not enough money to buy lunch, and a missed bus, Ellie was exhausted as she stormed through the door into her apartment. Her empty apartment. She hadn't cleaned since Spinner moved out. Sean's letter was still lying on the floor where she'd dropped it last week, haunting her every time she walked into the kitchen. She'd spent the week writhing in indecision, and the stress had her constantly eyeing the pocket knife that had not moved from her nightstand.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinets. Stale Cheerios and an empty box of Pop-tarts stared back at her. She sighed. She hadn't really been spending as many lunches with her mother, and as a consequence, she wasn't able to weasel as much money from her for her monthly expenses. Being broke and hungry wasn't exactly improving her mood.

She talked about her mommy-issues, her money issues, her Sean issues, her Spinner issues, and all the rest with Group, and it helped. But at home, after a long day, when Group wasn't around, it was hard not to be overwhelmed. Fighting tears, she went into her bedroom and sat on the bed. After staring at the knife for a few moments, she reached into the drawer below it and pulled out her lyrics notebook instead. She touched a pen to the paper, taking a deep breath and working on the techniques Group had been helping her learn for almost a year.

_It was an ugly thing,_ she wrote. _And it swallowed me._

She threw the notebook to the ground and started crying. I want to cut, she thought. I just want to cut. She was tired of fighting it. It was so much easier to just give in, to just feel what she wanted to feel. It was almost like fighting it just made her want it more. It was almost like she was creating the urge to cut just to have something to fight. It was a dizzying cycle.

Finally, she wiped her tears and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. She scrolled through her contacts, going straight for the number that she used to call so often.

"Sean," she cried, when he answered. "Can you come over? I just… I need someone to be with me right now. I can't do this alone."

o o o o o o o o

The next day, Sean Cameron was exhausted and bewildered as he and Jay left work. He had been up late at Ellie's after a surprising and alarming phone call. Holding her as she cried, talking through the things that made her want to cut. They talked about life together, and eventually the tears subsided. They held each other on the couch, even smiling a little, until they fell asleep.

He was now spending the evening on Jay's couch, relaxing with some herb to ease out of the work day. "I'm telling you, man," Jay said emphatically, harping on a subject he just couldn't seem to let go off. "Me and Alex, we're like… _this_ close. And then as soon as you get back with Ellie, it'll be like the good old days, you know?"

"Uh-huh," Sean answered, far from convinced. Ellie had been sending a lot of mixed signals. And he had a lot of mixed feelings. He knew things weren't nearly as simple as Jay wanted to believe they were, and from what he could tell from Alex's behavior, she didn't seem the slightest bit interested in being anything but friends with Jay.

Jay looked at his watched and sighed. "Yo, Spin!" he shouted, hoping to be heard by the guy who was currently in their bedroom. "Spinner!" He picked up a stray sneaker and hurled it at the door, creating a loud thud. "Spinner, dumbshit, you're supposed to be at work in ten minutes!" There was no response at all from the bedroom, and Jay simply shook his head.

"What's that about?" Sean asked.

Jay shrugged. "Dude's probably passed the fuck out. I haven't seen him sober since… since he moved in, actually. Which I totally support, but man… you at least gotta go to work, you know? Better to go to work hammered than not at all."

Sean nodded, wondering with a sudden since of chivalry if Spinner had been drinking this much when he lived with Ellie. Ellie spoke pretty positively of having Spinner for a roommate, but what if she was hiding something? What if Spinner and his drinking and his recklessness had been the cause of Ellie's renewed cutting issues?

Jay seemed to have moved on from his concern for Spinner in about thirty seconds, and continued talking about Alex. "Man, when we get back together, it's gonna be like… so sweet. Do you know what get-back-together sex is like? Freaking sweet."

Sean winced just a little bit. It was hard to hear Jay go on and on like this, especially when he knew better. "You know, Jay… you might not want to get too hyped up on getting back with Alex. Maybe you guys need more time just being friends. I mean, you guys went through a lot."

"What, the ravine? Nah, she's totally over that. We even joke about it sometimes."

"Not the ravine, man…" Sean sighed, wanting to phrase it as delicately as possible. He was sure it was probably a sensitive issue for Jay. "I mean, with Alex getting pregnant, and the abortion and all… maybe you guys should just take it slow, is all I'm saying."

As soon as Sean spoke the words, the look on Jay's face made him realize he never should have said anything. Jay's nostrils flared, his jaw dropped, his eyes widened in intense surprise.

"What did you just say? Alex _what_?" Jay leapt to his feet and started pacing. "Alex WHAT? I can't believe… I can't believe she wouldn't _tell _me... Pregnant? Are you kidding me? She has so much fucking explaining to do…"

In his heated rage, Jay headed for the door, with Sean's pleading for him to calm down going completely unheard.

o o o o o o o o

Still nervous about what would happen to her friendship with Manny, Alex made the bold move of showing up at Marco's for the band's practice. She figured it would be easier than calling Manny to simply show up where Manny was sure to be. To her surprise, it wasn't awkward or unusual at all to see her. Manny smiled and greeted her as though nothing at all had happened.

But that was kind of a problem, Alex realized. She didn't want it to be something they pretended never happened. She wanted it to be real. How much longer could she keep up this charade of being friends with Manny when what she really wanted was for Manny to be her girlfriend? The more time she spent around Manny the more she would want her, and the harder she fell, the more it would hurt when she had to face the truth.

Alex applauded as she ate some of Marco's mom's brownies and watched the band finish playing one of their new songs. Her cell phone began buzzing in her pocket, and she checked it curiously. It was a text message from Jay: _Where R U? We need to talk ASAP._ Shrugging, Alex texted back that she was at Marco's.

Ellie sighed as the band wrapped up an hour of practicing _without _Spinner. They had waited and waited, and nothing. No call, no show. Marco had suggested that maybe Spinner's shift had been changed and he'd had to go in a little earlier than he thought, but Manny was skeptical. She knew exactly where Spinner was: drunk.

"Alright, guys, why don't we run through 'You Push, I Shove' one more time and then call it a night." A drummer-less night, she thought bitterly to herself. How could Spinner bail on the band like that, without even calling?

In lieu of Spinner, Ellie counted off the band vocally, but just as they started to play, Jay barged through the door, practically breathing fire from his nose.

"Alex, what the fuck?!" he screamed, marching towards her and getting right in her face.

Alex was more than surprised and defensive. She bucked up, getting right back in his face, letting him know she wasn't scared of him. "Um, I should ask you the same thing. What's your problem?"

"What's _my_ problem?" He was so angry and upset he could hardly string the words together. "What the hell is _your_ problem? How could you not tell me you were _pregnant?_ You were pregnant with our kid and you never even _told_ me about it? How could you do something like that? And then an abortion? Without even talking to me? I can't believe you, Alex. You're fucking TRASH."

Behind this face-to-face conflict stood Marco, Ellie, and Manny, all of them holding their breaths awkwardly.

Alex was unnerved and shattered, but she was angry, too. It shouldn't have been like this. He shouldn't have found out second-hand. He shouldn't have attacked her like that. "You think _I'm_ trash? Really? Who spent all of his Friday nights in the back of a van, _manipulating_ dozens of dumb girls into thinking it was worth a bunch of cheap bracelets to suck your pathetic dick? Maybe if you weren't so fucking vile I would have been able to tell you! You think it was easy? You think I wanted to be pregnant with your worthless spawn?"

Jay prodded Alex's shoulder, harshly. Alex clenched her fist. They stared at each other with fire in their eyes, loathing and livid.

"Whoa, guys, calm down," intervened Marco, realizing they very well may just start beating the shit out of each other. Jay took a moment to look around and realize there were other people in the room. Marco, Ellie, and Manny all looked to poised to step in if things got out of hand. Alex was a complete ball of fury. Realizing he was outnumbered, and realizing he was more hurt than angry, he threw up his hands.

"Whatever. I'm out. Don't ever talk to me again, Alex."

As soon as Jay was gone, Alex felt a flood of sadness wash over her. She wanted to start sobbing as much as she wanted to punch out a window. She tried to avoid the curious gazes of the other people in the room. She had thought that the worst was over with this whole ordeal; she hadn't expected it to blow up all over again. Fighting tears, she walked towards the door.

"Alex, wait!" said Manny, rushing to her side. "Are you okay? Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over?"

Alex looked at Manny. Of course she wanted her to come over. It was Manny's comfort that she had come to love most. No one else could make her feel quite as good. But she couldn't except Manny's comfort any more. It was too hard. She had to stay away before her heart broke all over again.

"No," Alex spat, almost harshly. "Manny… not you. Not right now."

Alex left basement, leaving Monkey See, Monkey Don't to be left in a bizarre quiet, completely confused.

"So um, wow," said Marco, setting down his bass and breaking the silence at last. "_That_ wasn't awkward at all, now was it?"

"Poor Alex," said Ellie, putting down her instrument as well. It felt weird to pick up practice again after the drama that had just unfolded before them. "I can't believe she had to go through all that."

Manny could only nod sadly. Why had Alex brushed her off like that? She wanted so badly to help her through this. When Marco's mother called him upstairs, no doubt to ask him why two angry teenagers had just stormed out of the house one after the other, Manny was left only with Ellie and the uncomfortable quiet.

"So tell me again why dating is even remotely worth it?" she said half-jokingly to Ellie, trying to make conversation.

Ellie shrugged. "Beats the hell out of me. I have no idea why we do this to ourselves. Guys are so not worth the trouble. And _yet…_ I find myself tempted to jump in the game again."

Manny nodded knowingly. "Ah, of course. Mr. Cameron's back in town. I guess that throws a wrench into the independent woman gig, eh?"

Ellie didn't respond at first. She felt weird discussing this with Manny. But maybe a fresh perspective was what she needed. "Yeah. I mean, I guess I still have feelings for him, but part of me thinks I'm just lonely. I don't really know what I want."

Manny walked to the corner of the room and grabbed her purse, preparing to leave. "I'm no expert, you know. In fact I may be the worst source of dating advice ever… but sometimes you can't just go with your feelings. You have to be real. It doesn't matter how much you love someone; sometimes it's just not meant to be. Sometimes… things end for a reason, even if you think you're still in love." Manny lifted up her hands, motioning around the empty room. "I mean, look around. Where the hell is the supposed love of _my _life? Really, if you want to be on your own, be on your own. Don't stay with someone for the wrong reasons."


	30. The Lost, The Found

The following morning, if one were to use the term "morning" loosely, Spinner Mason awoke with a searing pain through the back of his skull, his throat so dry it stung. Ambling clumsily out of bed to get a glass of water, he only barely made it to the kitchen before a wave of ferocious nausea swept over him. Uncontrollably, he vomited into the kitchen sink until there was nothing left to empty from his stomach.

He groaned miserably to himself as he searched through the filthy kitchen of his and Jay's apartment, desperate to find a glass that was even remotely clean. When that endeavor failed, he grunted in irritation as he cupped his hand under the faucet and drank scoops of water one handful at a time. He picked up a dirty towel and wiped the splashes of vomit from his lips.

He went instantly back into his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Bleary-eyed, he reached for his cell phone and began scrolling the screen. Four missed calls from Ellie. Two from Marco. Six from Manny. One from Kendra. Three from the Dot. And at least ten "Where are you??" texts from most of the aforementioned. He could hardly believe he'd slept through the entire afternoon and night. He had started drinking around two the day before, about the same time he woke up, and by five, he was passed out stone cold.

Hesitantly, he dialed his voicemail to face the music of the day he drank away. Lots of anxiousness from Marco and Ellie, wondering why he wasn't at band practice. Manny's had similar contents, but with a lot more screaming and nagging. Kendra's voice messages insisted they needed to talk immediately. The first message from the Dot politely asked where he was and why he was running late. The second was angrier, demanding that he either show up or call back as soon as possible. And lastly, the final message informed him that he was no longer an employee at the Dot, and he should come by as soon as possible to receive his formal dismissal and turn in his apron.

"Great," Spinner muttered to himself, tossing his phone to the cluttered floor. As he did, it rang again, and from where he was drooping over the edge of the mattress, he could see Kendra's name on the screen. He sighed, and simply let it ring.

Once he was physically capable of moving out of his bed, Spinner began the day like many others. He walked down the street in sweatpants and flip-flops and picked up a jumbo bag of cheese puffs and a twelve-pack of PBR from the skeezy convenience store that never carded. Now that he was jobless, what the hell else was he supposed to do with his time? He walked back to his apartment and put on a random porn DVD he'd found on the floor. He stuffed his face with cheese puffs and passed the afternoon away, one beer at a time.

o o o o o o o o

Ellie was nervous but strangely excited as she sat in her seat in the Group circle. She listened patiently as everyone else shared their thoughts and feelings from the week, but she wasn't quite as interested in listening as she usually was. She was usually one of the quieter members of the Group, but today, she had a lot on her mind. Thoughts she was proud of. Thoughts she needed to say out loud, to make them real.

She sat up straight in her seat when the Group leader finally brought the focus to her, and asked Ellie her thoughts. "I can totally relate to what Cassie was saying about ups and downs," she began, eyes flitting subtly towards Craig, who was nodding in agreement. "I feel like I'm up most of the time, but all it takes is one _down_ to make you feel like nothing else is worth it. And how stupid is that, right? You'd think you'd be able to settle for a decent ratio of up to down. But it's never like that… whatever you feel in the moment, that's what you think you'll feel forever. Especially if it's a down." She bent over and pulled her notebook out of her bag, holding it nervously in her lap. "You guys know I've been feeling uncertain lately. I've been thinking about cutting. But I finally decided that, when I feel like I want to cut, I pull out my notebook instead. You know, I work on lyrics for my band. And usually by the time I'm done writing, the moment isn't so awful anymore. It's like, you just have to get through the moment." She smiled, too shy to make eye contact with anyone. "And there's always a better way, I think. There has to be a better way to get through the moment than hurting myself."

The Group around her nodded and smiled, proud of how far she'd come from the girl she was when she first started attending. It was such a simple answer, but it took a lot to get there. It took learning to love herself, unconditionally, without someone to prop her up. Beside her, Craig reached over and placed his head comfortingly on her shoulder. She beamed at the room around her. She was glad that she could share this moment with so many others, but at the same time, the part that made her really happy was that she didn't need the Group there to make it true. It was the way she really felt, whether anyone else knew it or not.

o o o o o o o o

Spinner was eight beers deep when he heard an abrasive knock on the front door. At first, he didn't answer, fearing it was the landlord. But when the fierce knocking didn't subside, he finally grumbled and got to his feet, tired of hearing the pounding. He tiptoed sloppily across the littered floor and pulled open the door. Through a blur of beer he couldn't tell whether he was happy or terrified to see the dark-haired girl standing in his doorway.

"Kendra," he said, stunned at the distance he felt from her. It had been almost three months since he'd seen or spoken to his sister. "What are you doi—"

His words were cut off almost instantly as the scowling girl reached out and smacked the back of his head, holding back nothing. "What the hell is your problem, nitwit?" she snapped. "You think you can just shut me out of your life, ignore my phone calls? Who do you think you are?" She marched into the apartment without being invited, hands placed authoritatively on her hips, looking around the place with disgust. "And this is how you're living now? I've been worried sick about you and now I see it was for a good reason."

Spinner was dazed. Kendra was talking too fast, too loudly. In his stupor, all of it ran together. "I'm sorry, you know, it's just… it's hard to talk sometimes," he murmured. He reached forward to hug her. "But it's good to see you, sis."

Kendra wrenched herself free of Spinner's fumbling embrace, nose wrinkled at the smell of beer that poured out from his breath. "Are you kidding me? You're _drunk?_ It's like four in the afternoon. You look _awful_. You need help, Spin."

Spinner sighed and rubbed his face. His thoughts moved slowly and his words moved even slower. "Come on, Kendy, chill out, okay?" He walked past her and flopped back onto the dirty couch. "I got fired today, okay? They had to make cutbacks and I was one of them. I found out right before I was supposed to go in. I was upset so I started drinking, okay? Sue me."

"Oh please, Spinner." His little sister stood fiercely over him, her black eyes penetrating and unforgiving. She motioned around the room. "This place is _drowning_ in empty beer bottles. You could jump off a diving board and swim around in them Duck Tales-style."

"It's not that _bad…_" Spinner defended weakly. All he could think about was how miserable he felt having his sister see him look so pathetic, and how he was going to run out of beer soon. And how much shittier everything would feel once the beer was gone. He kept up his stream of drunken lies. "And most of it's Jay's and all of his sleezeball friends'. I work, you know? I don't have time to drink all day." He paused. "Except now, I guess. I don't know what I'm going to do without a job…"

Kendra watched as Spinner pouted, and while she usually couldn't spare an ounce of sympathy for his never-ending self-pity, she couldn't help but feel something of a pang. He hadn't been home in months. She could understand how that would start to make someone fall apart. When she thought he might actually start crying, she sat down beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You'll find another job," she said. "Just… sober up and get out there tomorrow and start looking."

Spinner nodded. "I'm just worried about rent. I've got to pay it by next week, but even if I get a job before then, I won't have a paycheck yet." After a calculated pause, he turned and looked into Kendra's eyes. "Do you think you could… ask Mom for a little money for me? Just a little bit, just something to help me until I get a paycheck again."

Kendra held her breath, looking around the pig's sty of an apartment that her brother now called home. "Why don't you ask her yourself? Better yet, why don't we go see her together and see if you can just move back home? I'm sure if she knew how you were living that's what she'd want…"

"They don't want me back there, Kendra," Spinner said quickly. He shook his head furiously. "This whole thing is about me learning to start thinking responsibly. I can't move back in just because I don't have a job… but if you go to Mom, and don't tell Dad, and just see if you could get me a little bit of money. Just a little help until I get a job again. Please, Kendra?"

Kendra sighed. "Fine," she said, somewhat defeated. She wanted to help Spinner, but since she didn't know where else to start, she figured she could at least do what he asked. "I'll talk to Mom. But you have to get a job ASAP, Spinner. I'll be back."

"Thanks, sis, really!" He pulled her in for another hug, and she smiled weakly. Soon after, she left the apartment, watching Spinner with sad eyes as she shut the door behind her.

o o o o o o o o

Ellie waited at the bus stop, so busy scratching lyrics onto paper that she hardly noticed the boy who sat down next to her. When he touched her shoulder, she flinched and felt the pen fly out of her hand, hitting him directly in the face.

"Ooh, Sean, sorry!" she exclaimed, placing her hand gently over her mouth. She laughed nervously. "Didn't uh, see you there."

Sean recovered quickly from the unexpected projectile, and smiled at her. He had always found her clumsiness cute. "No problem," he said. "Didn't mean to scare you. You were kinda in the zone there, eh?"

Ellie nodded, still feeling warm and proud from the way things had gone at Group. "Yeah, I've been writing so much lately. I can't wait to teach the band all these songs."

"Do you think I could have a look?"

Sean reached for the notebook before he heard an answer, but Ellie clutched it firmly in her hands. "You know what? Maybe not just yet. Maybe you should wait until this summer, when the band starts playing shows. The lyrics by themselves don't really convey the whole message."

Sean scratched the back of his head, feeling a little embarrassed. "Oh. Right. Well, I can't wait to see you guys play, then."

Ellie exhaled, knowing it was time to face the inevitable. "Listen, Sean… I want to apologize for calling you the other night. I mean, we're not together any more, and that was really selfish of me to think you could just drop everything and baby me. Totally lame. I'm sorry."

Sean watched her carefully as she spoke, waiting to see the vulnerability he always felt in her. Waiting to pick up the pieces. "No, it's fine. I like being there for you. You can call me any time you want." He placed his hand on her thigh, rubbing it gently.

Ellie smiled awkwardly as she yanked her leg away. "Um, that's really nice of you. I appreciate it. But… I don't want to lead you on."

Sean swallowed hard. "Lead me on?"

"The truth is, you broke my heart, but I've forgiven you. I'm over it. And right now… I'm just really not looking for a boyfriend." She smiled as she said it, elated by the power that simple phrase gave her. She reached forward and pulled him into a deep hug, the hug she'd never given him the last time they said goodbye. She knew this hug was the last. Practically chipper, she stood up as the bus arrived. "But thanks for being such a good friend."

Sean nodded vaguely, a little dumbfounded as he watched Ellie walk confidently away from him.


	31. Slipping

Two weeks later, March had ended and April entered in full-thrust. The sun was bright and the school day was over, and Marco smiled as he sat on the front steps of Degrassi. He felt content as he watched Ellie strum her guitar while Manny sang along with the latest lyrics. He liked the sound of this new song. It wasn't quite as dark as the others. It was sultry and edgy, but with an air of coyness.

_It was an ugly thing_, Manny sang.

_And it swallowed me._

_But after countless blows below the belt,_

_I sort of feel like I once felt._

_I need you._

_I need you, baby._

_I need you to GO._

Marco applauded as the song ended and Manny smiled. She wrapped her arm around Ellie and pulled her into a girlish hug, catching Ellie somewhat off-guard.

"Miss Ellie Nash," Manny said, half-teasingly. "You have so outdone yourself. This new song is smoking hot, I love the independent woman vibe. This chorus? So sassy. I love it."

Ellie blushed, nodding warmly in acceptance of the compliment. "Good then," she replied. "Because you pull off sassy well. The vocals sound great."

Marco sighed and interjected. "Yeah, I'm sure the whole arrangement would sound good if we could ever get _every_ band member at practice for once," he lamented. Ellie and Manny could only nod morosely in agreement. Two more rehearsals Spinner had missed, with lame and too-late excuses at best at his defense. Marco glanced over at Manny. "What's Spinner's deal, anyway?"

Manny shrugged, a slight glaze coming over her eyes. "I wish I knew. I can barely get him to answer my calls; he's always partying with Jay or sleeping every time I try to go by his place." She felt her stomach turn. When it came to Spinner, she was lost. It was like he was unreachable. Usually she was able to put up with his depression because she had Alex around to lift her spirits back up, but Alex had been ignoring her, too. It had been a long and weary two weeks, being iced by both of her boos.

Ellie couldn't help but take note of the despair in Manny's voice. Ellie had been so busy dealing with her own life, putting back together her own shattered pieces, that she had been seeing less and less of Spinner. Now that band practice had really fallen apart, it had been weeks since she had even spoken to Spinner. She wanted to believe that things were okay, that he was taking care of himself and that Manny was helping, but Manny's words gave her little reassurance that those assumptions were true. Spinner was slipping away from all of them.

o o o o o o o o

Logan had been nice enough to pick up Marco and Ellie from school, and the three of them went over to Marco's to hang out. As soon as he tossed his book bag into his bedroom, Marco went into the living room and placed a kiss on his mother's forehead as she watched her afternoon soaps.

"Good afternoon, son," she crooned with her usual loving tone. She patted his hand. Normally she would ask him how school went, but the first thing that came out of her mouth today was something of a shock. "Speener and his friend came by to move his drums out of the basement today. Are you four giving up on the band so soon? I thought you all sounded very nice."

Marco exchanged a confused and terrified glance with Ellie, and they immediately scurried downstairs into the basement. Sure enough, there was an enormous vacancy on top of the drum risers. Marco scratched his head. "Why would he take his drums?" he asked aloud. "You know there's no room for them at Jay's. Even if he doesn't want to be in the band any more, why would he move the drums?"

Ellie shrugged silently and folded her arms. Something was up with Spinner. The weeks she'd spent not talking to him suddenly hit her hard. She felt guilty and concerned.

Marco sighed. "So much for the band," he said, sounding defeated. Logan came to his side and rubbed his shoulders reassuringly.

But Ellie was worried that a lot more was going to hell than just the band.

o o o o o o o o

"Spin, it's me… again. Please call me back. I'll be at Alex's."

Manny sighed as she closed her cell phone, staring at the stained puce carpet beneath her feet as she walked down the hall to Alex's apartment. She felt a little silly and desperate, showing up unannounced, but she was genuinely afraid that Alex wouldn't let her come over. Alex hadn't answered a single call or responded to a single text in two weeks. At first Manny thought maybe Alex just wanted to be alone after her run-in with Jay, but after consulting Marco and Ellie, Manny learned that they had both talked to her plenty in the past few days. Everything seemed normal, except for the fact that Manny hadn't seen Alex's face in _two_ _weeks,_ and it was, for whatever reason, driving her completely insane.

It hadn't struck her right away. She's busy, Manny thought. We'll talk later. But then the days grew longer, and Manny had found herself more and more desperate just to be near Alex again. She needed to feel the glow, the comfort, that warmth in her stomach. She would think of a funny song lyric or lame line from her math teacher and want to share it with Alex as soon as possible. It just didn't feel the same without Alex there to talk to. There were dozens of tiny little things like that. That she had bought a new purse. That she had gotten into another fight with her dad. That she had seen a hilarious commercial. That she was thinking of renting all three Back to the Future movies. All the little things, shiny little moments that she usually shared with Alex, buried and built up inside her until she wanted to explode.

She knocked, and Alex answered. Manny forced a smile. "Oh my god, boo," she said, not pausing for subtlety. She gave Alex a quick hug and invited herself in jovially. "Are you kidding me? I haven't seen you in like, forever, and I know it sounds weird, but I'm kind of going cuckoo-bananas without you."

Alex paused, holding her breath while she watched Manny glow with excitement. "Really?" she said carefully. She didn't want to believe her. It was too hard. She changed her demeanor, grew distant and nonchalant. "I didn't even notice. It's not that big a deal if we don't see each other every single day, you know."

Manny blushed in embarrassment. She reached forward and tugged on the hem of Alex's wife beater. "I mean, hey… you're my girl-crush, remember? I just…" She suddenly felt stupid for making such a fuss about this. It was obvious Alex didn't care the same way. "I just miss you, that's all. I kind of sort of… miss the hell out of you when you're not around."

Alex sighed and rolled her eyes. "Look, Manny, this thing with us… the nicknames, the 'girl-crush…' I know you like it because it's fun and cute and all, but…" There was no way else to say it other than to say it. "But it's got to stop. I don't like joking around about those things, okay? Manny, I'm gay, alright?"

It took a solid thirty seconds for either of them to speak. Alex inhaled sharply and stared at the carpet. Manny tried to take a moment to wrap her brain around this new revelation. She scratched idly at her fingers, biting her lip. She sighed and tried to smile reassuringly. "Well, I mean…" she began, not sure where to start. "That's… good. That's great. I mean I totally support you." She smiled wider, a little more confident and comfortable. She took Alex's hand. "You're still the same Alex to me. I'm like, so down with the gay. I mean, hello, Marco much?"

It still felt weird coming out, and Alex wondered how many times she would do this, one person at a time. But Manny was the hardest. Because Manny was different than most people. Alex could only nod and shrug. "Well thanks. I guess." She pulled her hand away from Manny's.

"So do we get to hang out?" Manny asked, trying hard to meet Alex's eyes as much as the sullen brunette resisted. Manny pouted. "Pretty please? Pretty please with chocolate and pizza and Marshmallow Fudge Cookies on top? I can't go another day without some Alexness."

Alex cracked a gentle smile at last. When it came to Manny, she just couldn't say no. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

Manny grinned mischievously. "I think today… we should do something a little different."

o o o o o o o o

Within half an hour, Alex found herself chuckling hysterically as she sat on her couch, watching Manny. Wildly stoned for the first time, Manny found that the only way to stop the room from spinning was to lie on her back, staring at the ceiling, long black locks spread across the carpet in every direction. She smiled and giggled and basked in the ethereal sounds of whatever music Alex had put on. She kept thinking of the funniest jokes, and wanted to impress Alex with how funny she was. But every time she tried to talk, she only burst into a fit of wild laughter.

"I can't believe it feels like this," Manny breathed gently, clutching the stomach which ached from laughing so much. "How do you do this all the time?"

Alex smiled at the flower of girl sprawled across the floor. "It's not quite as intense once you start doing it all the time," she answered.

Evidence to this claim was made obvious by looking at Alex, who had smoked just as much if not more than Manny, and yet managed to sit calmly on the couch, carefully peeling a clementine. She smiled a the lush, sweet smell as she placed the skin on the coffee table. She broke off a succulent orange wedge and dangled it above Manny's face. "Clementine?" she offered.

Manny's eyes sparkled with excitement and her mouth began to water. "Holy snap," she giggled. Alex tenderly placed the juicy fruit between Manny's lips and it was instantly devoured. "That… was soooo good. I have never tasted anything that good in my LIFE."

She lifted her heavy, tingly body off the floor and curled up next to Alex on the couch, eating fruit from her hands like a pet. Their eyes met, and Manny smiled. She could see how being high for the first time might be too much of a stimulus overload and get scary. But looking at Alex, Manny felt nothing but elation and contentment. With Alex nearby, Manny felt safe, and cozy, and loved.

With their faces so close together, their breaths touched, and Alex could smell the clementine on Manny's lips…

The moment that may have turned into a kiss was interrupted by someone rapping on the door. Alex sighed and trudged to the door, lamenting the moment lost, and was even more discouraged when she opened the door and saw who it was. Manny's boyfriend, looking both sullen and pissy, asked Alex if she was around and then skulked into the apartment.

"What's your deal?" Spinner whined angrily at Manny. "I've been calling you back and you haven't answered."

Manny, stoned and floating, took one look at Spinner and erupted into a hysterical cackle. "Are you kidding, Spin? Are you _kidding_?" Manny looked over at Alex and laughed some more, as if sharing a private joke. "Lexy, is he kidding? Spinner are you KIDDING?"

Frustrated by her flippancy and nonsensical repetitiveness, Spinner glowered. "Um, no, Manny, I'm not kidding. Are you high or something?"

Beside him, Alex let out a sharp, isolated snort, which she immediately revoked as soon as Spinner turned to glare at her.

Manny rolled her eyes. "What do you even care?" she said, standing up and walking towards him. "How _dare_ you ask _me_ about not answering the phone? You're like a freaking hermit, Spinner. A whiny, lazy, beer-guzzling, girlfriend-ignoring, band practice-skipping HERMIT."

Spinner swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He suddenly longed to have a buzz, to numb this feeling. "Real nice, Manny. I mean, isn't that what you want, for me to not be around? Admit it, you've been wanting to dump me for weeks."

"Only because you _want_ me to want to dump you, so you'll have yet another excuse to be miserable! Only because… it's like you're not even there." Tears began to drizzle from Manny's eyes. "I don't even know you anymore, Spinner. I've been trying and trying, I've been with you all this time, but I can't do it any more. I can't watch it any more. You're killing me. I hate watching you slip away." The last words were hard to choke out as she stumbled over her crying.

Spinner sniffled, trying to hide his own tears. "So what, you're saying we're over?"

"It's _been_ over, Spinner. All we ever do is hurt each other!"

"Fine." Spinner took a final icy look into Manny's eyes. "Fine then. Have fun being a shallow slut pothead!"

Manny cried harder as he stormed towards the door, and managed to choke out just before left, "Have fun being a worthless friendless drunk!"

Then the door slammed, and Manny fell into Alex's arms, sobbing.


	32. The Edge

Spike watched carefully as the young girl beside her munched timidly on the chips and salsa Spike had provided as a lubricant for this little sit-down. She hadn't hesitated for a moment when Manny had called and asked if they could talk. Manny was nearly a daughter to her, and Spike knew from experience that sometimes there were certain things a girl (especially Manny) couldn't get from her parents.

"Thanks for being so nice," said Manny, dusting the salt from her fingers. "You've always been so cool. Not like my mm. I could never talk to her about girl stuff like I can with you. So… well… you're married and all…"

Spike held her breath, expecting the worse. Had some fool-hardy boy convinced Manny to _marry_ him, reckless and without any real thought? God forbid Manny was pregnant again…

She kept listening as Manny continued. "So you're obviously straight. I was just wondering… if you ever like, did anything with a girl."

Spike blushed. This was not any of the hypothetical issues she had considered Manny might want to talk about. "Well," Spike began, buying herself time until she could figure out _where_ to begin. "I never had anything like that myself. But I think it's perfectly normal to… to do that. I mean, I didn't exactly have time to do all the normal growing up things, being such a young mother."

Manny nodded, staring into the salsa as she contemplated. "Right. I mean, it happens all the time. The idea doesn't freak me out. It's just… okay, like, well, have you ever had _feelings _for a girl?"

"Well. I think that you like who you like. It's about the person. If it's a girl… so be it." Spike was burning with curiosity about all of Manny's questions. Was this strictly hypothetical or had something happened?

"Right," said Manny. She grabbed another chip and a scoopful and salsa, munching as she continued gabbing. "And I believe that, you know? I'm just not sure for some reason. I've got this friend, you know, and I just… I love her. I love every second we spend together. She's like my perfect match, even though I never would have thought so. But she just _came out_ to me, and now I realize she probably, like, _likes_ me, which maybe I knew all along, but I just never…"

Manny had been talking so fast and trying to throw so many thoughts out there that she had hardly noticed Spike's face get a little white and wide with complete shock. Manny laughed awkwardly. "Oh! Oh my god, it's so not Emma, Spike," she assured her quickly. "Hehe. Sorry. Didn't mean to temporarily freak you out. No, it's… Alex, actually."

Spike thought for a moment. "The girl who brought you the corsage?"

Manny started to glow slightly at the memory. Alex always knew the little things that would make Manny melt. How had she not realized before what Alex's feelings were? "Yeah. That girl. We've sort of… hooked up. Like, made out. And I'm not even freaked out by the idea of sex with a girl… I mean, I'm down with sex. Sex is sex, right?"

Spike was completely flabbergasted. She tried to nod and look supportive, but hearing all about Manny's sexual liberation was a little unnerving, particularly when this was the little girl who had always been best friends with her daughter. She believed in healthy sexuality, even amongst teens, but sometimes she couldn't shed that Mom-lens.

"Well, yes, whatever you're comfortable with," Spike stuttered out.

"Right. But I just like, wonder how I can be sure what I feel. I mean, I know I like boys… _you_ know I like, _really_ like boys. So how do I know if I _like _like her, or if she's just a friend that I really like? What if I'm just confused?"

Spike sighed. "That's a pretty big question, Manny. Only you know the answer. But if there's one thing I've known about you since you were a little girl is that you're a romantic. The look on your face when that girl brought you that corsage… it says a lot to me, personally. But I don't think you need me to tell you anything. You know what romantic feelings are. Just trust yourself."

o o o o o o o o

Ellie was so deep into contemplating her lyrics that she didn't even hear the person at her door until the third knock. She was sure it was Marco or Alex, since she didn't have many other friends who would stop by unexpectedly. That assumption made it all the more startling, then, when she found herself facing a very flustered-looking Kendra Mason.

"We need to talk," Kendra said quite seriously.

Confused and concerned, Ellie invited her inside and they sat down on the couch. Ellie knew it had to be about Spinner, and it didn't seem like it was good news. She felt her heart rate multiply a thousand times, her mind racing with horrible images of Spinner in jail or lying in a ditch somewhere. "What's up?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

Kendra sighed. "I wish I knew. Spinner's out of control. He lost his job, he's depressed, and Manny says all he does is drink. He's not taking care of himself and I'm worried about where it's heading. I gave him some money a few weeks ago so he could get by until he found a new job, but he's blown it all on booze and hasn't even gone looking for a job. And according to his roommate, he pawned his drum set for more money when the money from Mom ran out. He needs help, but I have no idea what to do. I need you to talk to him."

Ellie clutched her knees with her hands, soaking in everything Kendra had said. Ellie couldn't have imagined how bad it really was. She didn't even know about him losing his job, or selling his drums. It was shocking and all too familiar. She thought about her mother, about how her mother just stopped caring. Stopped living. Drown herself in her drinking. Ellie remembered how hard it had been to confront her mother about the drinking, to convince her to seek help. She had just come so far in her own therapy, she wasn't sure she could face another moment like that. She didn't want to see a reflection of her mother in Spinner.

"I don't know, Kendra. Maybe I'm not the one to do that. We don't even keep in touch any more. Maybe you should talk to Manny…"

Kendra shook her head fiercely. "I've already talked to Manny. She says they broke up and there's nothing she could say to talk any sense into him. She's the one who told me to come _here._ She said if anyone could get through to him, it was you."

Manny and Spinner broke up? Ellie didn't know about that, either. She was suddenly scared and saddened by the distance that had grown between her and Spinner. "She said that? About me?"

"For whatever reason, Spinner listens to you. One time he told me he thought you were the only person that really understood him."

"He said that? About… me?"

Kendra nodded. "Please Ellie. I need you. Spinner needs you."

o o o o o o o o

To Jay, she was beautiful, even in that oversized puke-brown polyester shirt and ill-fitting visor. He watched from across the mall food court as she worked, waiting for the concession stand line to die down as the movie patrons gathered their snacks and went inside their theaters. When there was a lull, he approached her nervously.

Alex held her breath as Jay walked towards her. It had been weeks, marinating in the hurt and guilt and conflicting emotions of their last encounter. In the ten years she had been friends with Jay, it was the longest they'd gone without speaking since their ravine-induced break-up.

"I'm sorry," they said at the same time, watching each other's eyes.

"Lexy, I'm sorry," Jay repeated, wanting so badly to reach across the counter and touch her. "Everything… was just fucked up. The way we ended, all the drama. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you couldn't tell me about the baby… I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. But I respect what you did. I mean, the idea of us raising our child together…" Jay was surprised as he choked somewhat on his words. He almost wanted to cry. "It would have been nice. But things were fucked up. And you did what you had to do. You're so strong, Lexy. It's what I've always liked about you. I… I love you, Alex. I want you back. I'll do whatever it takes to get you back, if you'll have me. You're the girl for me, end of story."

Alex had to bite back tears of her own. She loved Jay so much, no matter how much of an ass he could be. But how could she tell him the truth? How could she break his heart by telling him that no matter what he did, she could _never_ love him the way he loved her?

"We should… talk about this later," she said, decisively. "We have a lot to talk about. Come by my place after eight, okay? We'll talk then."

Jay smiled. "Okay. I'll see you then." He reached forward and pulled her into a hug, and Alex sighed as she soaked in the bittersweet feeling of his embrace.

o o o o o o o o

One foot in front of the other was often the way Manny dealt with matters of love and dating, and that's exactly the way she waltzed towards Alex's apartment. She didn't know exactly what she would say or do, but she knew that she had to see her, and that she had to go there.

Alex had just gotten home and changed out of her work clothes. She was surprised to see Manny when she answered her door, and even more surprised at what happened next.

"Don't say anything, okay?" said Manny, and in the next split second she had pushed Alex's shoulders hard into the apartment, not bothering to shut the door behind them. She pushed her on to the couch and kissed her, aggressively, passionately.

It was unfortunate timing that Jay, walking up to the apartment in hopes of rekindling the flames of his first love, should catch a glimpse of her in a sexy love-embrace with Manny Santos. His breath caught harshly in his throat for a moment as he soaked it in. Normally, he would have found it hot. Instead, he found that his heart was breaking. It was Manny that Alex wanted. Not him. It would never be him.

He marched away from the entrance of Alex's apartment, having not been spotted by the two girls. They were too busy to see anything but each other. He paced furiously back and forth in the hallway, his jealousy burning deep and hard in his chest. In his blind rage, he decided he needed someone else on his side. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Spinner's number.

"Spin, man, you should get over to Alex's place," he said, seething. "You'll never guess the _real_ reason your girl dumped you…"

o o o o o o o o

Manny was it. She was the end. She was the final straw. Her ever-dwindling comfort had been the last thing giving Spinner any reason to be happy at all. If nothing else, constant sex was a mild deterrent for his overwhelming depression. But with Manny gone, it was really over. Spinner was over the edge. He sunk into a raging, pathetic drinking binge. Days on end. As soon as he was sober again it was time to crack open another bottle.

Of course he had been drunk when Jay called, and of course he had been ignited with an irrational sense of uncontrollable drunken indignation. He rushed to Alex's apartment with all haste and recklessness. It was a wonder he hadn't killed himself or someone else on his drive. He met up with Jay in the hall and the two of them barged into the apartment, where Alex and Manny were now cuddling as they watched television. Spinner saw Alex gently stroke Manny's hand with hers, and his nostrils flared in anger.

"So you call yourself my friend, Alex?" Spinner screamed, barely able to string the words together.

The two girls, in shock, stood up immediately and faced Jay and Spinner. "What are you talking about, Spinner?" Alex said cautiously. It was obvious that Spinner was wasted, and that he was about to snap.

He stepped forward threateningly. "I mean you told me you were my friend, and the whole time you were scamming on my girl, you coldhearted lesbo!"

Alex bucked up defensively. "Jay, you better take your boy home," she said, even as she kept her eyes ferociously locked with Spinner's. "Before he does or says something stupid."

Jay just looked at the floor sullenly. "He's right though, isn't he?" he said. Alex turned towards Jay suddenly, her heart stinging as she saw the hurt in his eyes. "About you and Manny?"

Alex's and Manny's silence was all the answer anyone needed.

Spinner threw his hands towards Alex's shoulder, shoving her aggressively.

"Spinner, are you crazy?" screamed Manny.

Alex pushed back, and suddenly, Spinner took a drunken swing at Alex, punching her in the mouth.

"Whoa, Spin, calm the fuck down!" yelled Jay. He never would have thought this was going to get this out of control.

Alex recovered from the blow and touched the blood that poured from her lip. Growling, she decked Spinner in the face and then knocked him to the ground. Manny could hardly believe it as she watched in horror, screaming, while Spinner and Alex fought fiercely on the floor and Jay tried to tear them apart.


	33. Moment of Truth

Ellie had a lot of work to do. Before she could talk to Spinner, she had so many other people to talk with first. _You know he needs us,_ she said to Marco. Marco was the first and easiest to get on board. _You know you want the old Spinner back,_ she said to Manny. Manny was reluctant, but her heart finally caved.

Alex was a little trickier. Hitting a woman was something she could never forgive. But Ellie talked with her, gently, cautiously, and in time she managed to convince her that there was a way for Spinner to make amends for his mistakes. _You know you don't want to see him turn out like your mom's boyfriend,_ she had said.

There were others as well, if Ellie was really going to save Spinner. Kendra was in without question. Spinner's parents had been excluded for a reason. Ashley, Jimmy, and Hazel wouldn't hear a word of it. But Craig was swayed. _You know everyone needs help to save themselves sometimes,_ she told him. And finally, _you know you still care about him. You know you don't want to lose him forever. _And with that, Paige was in, too.

o o o o o o o o

Alex laid on her couch, basking in the rare solitude she could enjoy for a few minutes until Emily and Chaz returned home. It had been three days, and the cut on her lip was healing nicely. It had been a surreal, jarring experience. She had swore she would never let a man hit her. But then, she had never expected another man to come at her because he was _jealous. _And in the end, it was Spinner who had walked away with the most blood and bruises. She sighed as she flipped through the channels, recalling that strange evening in her head. Manny's attack, Jay's broken heart, Spinner's drunken rage. It was a lot to contemplate.

There was a knock on the door and Alex sighed, grumbling as she slowly rolled off the couch and went to swing open the door. Manny was standing there, looking adorably shy in a pale green sundress. She smiled with uncertainty as she held out a package of Marshmallow Fudge Cookies, topped with a yellow bow and an attached home-made card.

Alex ushered Manny inside, taking the package and tearing it open immediately. As she stuffed her face she examined the card, a drawing Manny had made of a unicorn and dancing pineapples that said, Get Well Soon. Alex laughed. "Wow, um, thanks Manny," she said. "This is uh… this is super gay."

Manny blushed. "I was bored in history class. How's your lip?"

Alex shrugged. "It's fine. Not like I've never gotten in a fight before, Manny. Although I have to admit that's one of the first ones I didn't start…"

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I've never seen Spinner like that. He was like… a monster."

"It's not your fault. It's Spinner's fault. Dude's got problems. But… we're going to help him."

Manny nodded. "Right. If he _can_ be helped." The thought was too depressing. Manny quickly changed gears. "So are you free tonight? I was thinking maybe we could hit up karaoke at Mooney's…"

Alex sighed and shook her head at Manny, half-smiling. "Baby girl, you gotta stop. No more of this."

"No more of what?"

Alex swallowed her mouthful of marshmallow and looked at Manny, carefully, but not too carefully. She didn't wanted to get suckered into feeling smitten again. "I'm tired of doing this with you. We kiss, and then we go back to normal. We kiss, and then we go back to normal. You gotta stop playin me, girl."

Manny fidgeted awkwardly in her seat. She frowned, and Alex tried not to take note of how amazingly cute it was. "I'm not playing you! I'm not trying to play you, anyway. I'm just like… I don't know what to say. Why didn't you tell me you liked me?"

Alex cocked an eyebrow. "Wasn't it obvious?" She paused. "Are you trying to say you like me too?"

"No. I mean! Yes, of course. I do like you. I like you so much…" Manny shook her head, trying to find the words. Normally when she liked someone, she would kiss them. And then it was settled. Then it was clear. But this… this was different, somehow. "This is just new for me."

Alex laughed gently. She placed her hand on Manny's. The comfort she felt with Manny's skin under hers gave her the strength to shake off all hesitation. "It's new for me, too. But I know it's real. I don't just want to be your girl-crush or your 'experimentation' or whatever. I want to be your girlfriend."

Manny felt her heart stop in her chest. She was shaking ever so gently as she watched Alex's eyes, careful and afraid. Alex cupped Manny's cheek her hand and stroked her thick black hair with the other, tucking the tresses behind Manny's ear. Staring into the face she was so seduced by. "I know it's probably weird for you to picture," Alex continued. "But I really like you, and I really care about you. I know what you want. You need flowers and romance and surprises and someone to hold your hand at the movies." She smiled as Manny blushed. "But I… I love you, and I can give you those things. I can treat you right. I can make you smile. I promise." She stroked Manny's face, her eyes bleeding a rare vulnerability as she bared her soul to this girl. "I want to stop playing. I want to be with you. For real, Manny."

Manny's breath trembled as she watched Alex's face. Slowly, their lips edged closer and they kissed, softly. For a moment. Manny smiled. She could hardly believe the butterflies in her stomach. Love. The feeling she always longed for. It had been in front of her for so long, and now that she could see it, she could hardly believe it was real. Love.

She curled up in Alex's arms, a place she now felt belonged to her. Alex was hers, for realsies, and once she realized it, she couldn't believe how safe and warm she felt. She even giggled out loud from giddiness. "I love you too," she whispered shyly into Alex's ear. "I want to be with you, too."

Alex smiled and pulled Manny closer to her body. She placed a kiss on her forehead and sighed. "Just stick with me, baby girl."

o o o o o o o o

Sean and Jay were silent as they left the garage after work, trudging haggardly towards Jay's apartment building. It was sort of unspoken, particularly on days where they were both feeling less-than-fresh, that they would spend some time together on the couch. Relaxing and basking in each other's angst. Like good friends must do sometimes.

Outside the convenience store, Jay paused. "Beer?" he asked. Monosyllabic communication was often preffered.

Sean nodded, and Jay went inside. No syllables was even better.

When they arrived at the apartment, which looked as disheveled as always, they sat down in the familiar grooves in the couch and popped open their beers. Jay flipped on the television while Sean pulled out a bag of herbal refreshment.

"Where's Drunkie McSpin?" Sean asked.

Jay shrugged. "I think he's hiding out in Marco's basement for a few days. I'm still kind of pissed at him for going after Alex." Just saying her name stung a little. He took a loud slurp of beer and stared into space. "I'm not gonna get the girl, man."

Sean nodded. "Me neither, man. Me neither."

Jay sighed. "Yup."

"Yup."

There was little noise between them for the next few moments. Only the hum of the television, the rustle of Sean cutting open a blunt, and Jay's occasional gulps of beer.

"At least we've got each other though, right man?" Jay offered timidly, looking towards Sean.

Sean nodded with slight disinterest as he worked carefully to roll the blunt. "Yeah man." He paused. "And weed."

"And beer." Jay grimaced. "You and me. Beer and weed. I think we're gonna make it after all."

Sean finished his work and lit the blunt. He passed it to Jay and took a sip of his beer, contemplating. "Hey Jay," he said after a momentary silence. "I wanted to ask you man… did you hook up with Emma and give her gonorrhea?"

Jay paused. And then paused a little longer. "Well, look at this way Cameron… if I did, and I'm not saying that I did but _if_ I did… would you really want to know?"

Sean took another slurp of beer. "Nope. No I would not. Good point."

Jay nodded and placed the blunt on the side of a makeshift ashtray for a moment. He lifted his beer can into the air. "To you and me, Seanny."

Sean lifted his own can. "To beer and weed."

The two aluminum cans clanked together and the boys took a hardy sip. They passed the blunt back and forth, watching TV in silence and beginning the slow but certain path of moving on.

o o o o o o o o

When Ellie found Spinner, he was in Marco's basement, sitting on the risers where his beloved drums had once stood, looking pitiful and drinking cheap tequila that he had mixed with a cherry Slurpie. She tried not to cringe at the sight. She tried to act like a huge gap hadn't grown between them, like he hadn't slipped completely away. She greeted him with the same warmth and playful affection as always. She gave him a hug and teased him about how bad his hair looked, and invited him out for pancakes. _Lots_ of pancakes. She wanted to sober him up as much as possible before she pursued the difficult task of confronting his drinking problem.

Spinner found that he could hardly stand to look at Ellie. She looked amazing. Her smile, her eyes. There was a newfound glow about her. She looked happy. She looked like the exact opposite of himself, and it made him feel all the more morose to see her smiling face right beside him. Ellie was like light. And he was like nothingness. The contrast darkened his demeanor. He tried as hard as he could to just make her go away, but he could hardly turn down pancakes. Particularly when he was running out of money and didn't know how next he was going to feed himself.

At the cozy diner Ellie had chosen, Spinner slowly sobered up, and with each maple-y bite of pancake goodness that they swallowed, the distance between them closed. They started joking again, arguing over movies again. It started to feel just like old times.

"Thanks for the pancakes, Ellie," Spinner said. "And the company. I've really missed you. Jay's cool and all, but he doesn't really compare."

Ellie blushed slightly. She could have spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just like this, having fun with Spinner the way she used to. But she had to stay focused. Fun wasn't what Spinner needed now. He needed a wake-up call. "Yeah… I hear you're not really Jay's favorite person these days."

Spinner's face fell. He'd been having such a light and fun afternoon with Ellie. He had hoped they wouldn't have to talk about, you know… anything pertaining to Spinner's current situation. He was hoping they could just forget all the asshole-things he'd done. Was that too much too ask? To just make all the bad things disappear?

"Yeah, I was stupid," Spinner mumbled. "I was really drunk and stupid. I've been calling Alex for days to apologize but she won't answer."

Ellie could only frown. "Well, she's understandably a little mad. Just because you were drunk doesn't mean it doesn't count."

"I was upset, okay?" Why was Ellie doing this to him? Didn't she know that _he knew_ what a terrible person he was? "A lot of shit has been really messed up for me lately."

Ellie nodded solemnly. "I know. I'm sorry to hear about Manny and you. And about your job."

Spinner sat silently. He suddenly didn't want to be there any more. He didn't want to talk about this. He just wanted to go back to Marco's and finish his tequila Slurpie.

"You know, Spinner, I've really missed you too. I don't want you to feel like you're alone. We're still friends. If there's ever anything you need from me, you can ask. I want to help you."

Spinner only shrugged. "Thanks, El, but it's not like I can take your money. I just couldn't."

Ellie shook her head. Money? She couldn't believe it was money he thought she was offering. Like he thought that was the only thing that would help. More money for more booze. Leaning on all the wrong answers to a problem he couldn't even recognize.

o o o o o o o o

The rest of their pancake pow-wow was quiet and sullen. Ellie felt her stomach grow more and more jittery as she drove Spinner's car back to Marco's place, nervous about what was about to explode. She could already feel Spinner's resistance. She knew it was going to be hard. She knew it was going to be ugly. But she felt strong enough, now, to help Spinner where he was weak.

As Spinner trudged down the stairs, his melted Slurpie cocktail hot on his mind, he was shocked at what he saw in the basement. Sitting around the room was a handful of people. Waiting. Staring. Manny and Alex sat side-by-side on the drum risers, with Craig sitting a few feet away. Kendra stood with her arms folded, staring at the ground. Marco stood a few feet away from her.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Ellie stood beside Spinner and took a deep breath. "Spinner, the people who care about you are all here because they have something to say," she told him, remembering everything she had read online and in pamphlets. She had consulted ---- from Group as well.

Spinner threw up his hands and rolled his eyes as he felt fury and fear bubble up inside him. He glared angrily around at everyone in the room. "This is an _intervention?_ You've got to be kidding me, this is ridiculous."

He turned to leave, but Ellie took hold of his hand and gripped it tightly. "Please, Spinner," she whispered. "All you have to do is listen."

Ellie knew it was going to be hard. She could feel everyone else in the room squirm uncomfortably. It was just as hard for them as it would be for Spinner. It was hard to do what they had to do.

Ellie also knew she had to go first. "We're worried about you, Spinner. You're ruining your life with your drinking. You're trying to fix your depression with something that's only going to make it worse. I've seen how bad it can get, and I love you too much to watch you do this."

Tears started streaming down her face, and Spinner felt his insides sting with guilt. "Aw, Ellie, hey, don't cry… it's not as bad as you think, you're just blowing this out of proportion…"

Manny spoke next. Just as Ellie had told them in their practice, you had to keep the intervention going, no matter what. Everyone had to speak. "Spinner, I feel guilty for letting this go as far as it has," she said sadly. "I've been watching you die inside and I ran away because I didn't know how to handle it. But I'm telling you now that you have to get help."

Beside her, Alex nodded. "The day Spinner Mason hits a lady is the day something has gone really wrong," she said, half-jokingly. "Seriously, Spinner. I _am_ your friend. I don't know why the hell I am but I am. This isn't what you want. You don't want to ruin your life like this."

Craig spoke next, and then Marco, and lastly Kendra, all of them expressing how much they cared, and how he had to admit to his drinking problem. Spinner started to sweat. It was overwhelming, watching them all watch him. He was furious and scared at the same time. Ellie, Manny, and Kendra were all crying, and even Marco looked like he might tear up. It was too much.

"We're here because we love you, and because you have to get help," said Ellie, squeezing his hand. "We're here because… we're united in making you save yourself. If you don't agree to get help, none of us can support you. We can offer you no money, no place to stay, no assistance, until you admit your problem and seek help. That's just the way it has to be. If we don't push you to make a change, we might lose you." She found herself choking on sobs with every word. Saying it out loud made her realize just how severe the situation was. She couldn't lose Spinner. She just couldn't.

Spinner tore his hand out from Ellie's and scowled at the room. "You guys suck. You're completely lame. Intervention? Seriously? You've guys have been watching too much TV… I can handle my shit just fine, thank you…"

As he turned around and headed for the door, Paige descended the stairs and entered the basement, looking somewhat shy and uncertain. "Sorry," she said softly. "I didn't think I was going to come. I just came to say… it doesn't matter what we've been through, Spin. I've known you for too long to let you do this to yourself. Do you really think messing up your own life is going to fix anything?"

Spinner held his breath. How could this be happening? Even _Paige_ was here, and he thought she would never speak to him again. Even she was worried. Even Craig was worried. Even Alex had forgiven him for long enough to tell him she cared. He had abandoned and hurt nearly everyone in this room, and yet they were still there, telling him they loved him. Telling him to fix his life. His legs started to feel weak. He didn't think he could handle all of this at once.

Ellie reached out and took his hand once more. "Please, Spinner."


	34. Right 'Round

Spinner and Ellie sat next to one another, side by side in plastic chairs. They looked around at the familiar circle of troubled and searching teens, some of the sipping cups of coffee or bottled water. The Group leader Bryce smiled warmly and looked at Spinner.

"So Spinner, today's the two-month mark of your joining us," he said proudly. "I can say personally that I've really enjoyed what you've had to bring to the Group. Your sharing has given us all things to think about. So tell me, how do you feel?"

In these months, Spinner had grown to love Group almost as much as Ellie. He often made fun of it when he and Ellie hung out, living together in their apartment again, but it really did help. It gave him a web of support when he felt most alone and abandoned. It helped him cope with all that had happened with Jimmy, his tumultuous relationship with Manny, and the hole of despair it all pushed him into.

He cleared his throat. "Well, I feel a hell of a lot better than I did two months ago," he said simply. There was a gentle ripple of laughter through the Group. "I haven't been drinking, and it feels way better than I thought it would. I feel like, alive. I was really pissed off at first when I got dragged into this, but since my intervention I feel like I've gotten a lot of things done."

"Like what?"

"Like… just being with my friends again. Like Ellie. When I have a problem, I actually talk to her about it, instead of just hiding out by myself. I got my job at the Dot back, and next month I'm moving into my own apartment. So I guess that's a big step. I don't feel like such a huge loser any more." Beside him, Ellie gave his knee a gentle nudge. Spinner blushed a little. "Oh, and I guess I have one more piece of big news. I've been spending some time talking to the principal over at Lakehurst, and I'm enrolled for the fall. So I'll be back in school."

Bryce nodded in approval. "That's great, Spinner. I think that will be good for you. Your progress has been remarkable."

"What do you think has helped you come so far?" asked Gillian, another girl who'd had her brushes with drinking problems.

Spinner shrugged, nervously twisted his fingers together. "Well… my friends, like I said. Part of the reason all this started is because I was so upset over what happened with Jimmy and losing all of my friends at once. I felt like I lost everything. I kind of did. Things got worse and worse until it took my friends to help me realize it was _my_ fault things were falling apart. I guess that's what my parents have wanted me to learn all this time. To start taking the blame. Not everyone has forgiven me yet, but I think that now I…" He paused for a moment, glancing over at Ellie and seeing the warmth in her eyes. He thought of the things she had told him, coaching him through this difficult period in his life. "I'm starting to forgive myself. I'm starting to take responsibility for things. For myself. And that's what I gotta do first."

The group nodded in approval, giving a gentle round of applause. Spinner blushed. He couldn't help but feel a little corny. But a little proud, too. He shared a smile with Ellie.

"Ellie, it sounds like you've been a huge help with Spinner," said Bryce, changing direction. "How do you think you're doing?"

Ellie let out a deep breath and smiled. Just seeing Spinner look so healthy and happy again had done wonders for her. "I've been doing great. School's going great, it's almost time for summer, and having Spinner around the apartment again has made things a lot more fun. And I've got a bit of my own news, too. I've been spending a lot more time with my mom and talking with her. We've really been getting along well, so when the lease ends on my apartment this month, I'm going to move back in with her."

"What makes you think you're ready for that? Or that she is?" asked Nigel, slightly cynical as always.

Ellie kept her tone even and her head up confidently. "Well, she's been in a rehab program for nine months now, and I'm so proud of her for that. I've spent so much time being angry at her… but watching Spinner and being there with him has showed me what a struggle it is to quit drinking. To get out of a rut. She's been working hard to stay sober, and she's been doing it for me. Because she cares about me. And I care about her. Living on my own has really taught me a lot, and I feel good enough about myself now that… Well, I guess I'm not afraid any more. I'm ready to be with my mom again. We're going to get through things together."

Craig reached over and gave Ellie an encouraging pat on the shoulder, while Bryce glanced at his watch. "I think that's wonderful, Ellie. You've been showing so much maturity these past few months, and I think we can all learn from that." He look around at the Group, smiling at all of his charges encouragingly. "Thank you all for sharing and for being here today. As always, it's good that we can all go through this journey together. I think that's all the time we have for today. See you next week."

Chairs squeaked and bookbags rustled as the members of the Group slowly made their way to the exit. Spinner stood up and looked at Ellie. Dramatically, he pretended to tear up and brought his hands to his cheeks. "Ellie…" he let out a fake sniffle. "_Thank you_… for sharing this journey with me."

Ellie laughed softly and gave him a gentle push. "Very funny, Spin. I know you get bored with all the ooey-gooey stuff, but seriously… I'm proud of you." Her lips spread into a coy smile. "_Also_… I have a surprise for you."

Spinner's eyes lit up and he grinned, placing his arm around Ellie as the two of them walked out the door and down the hall. "Surprise? Is it a food surprise?"

Ellie smirked. "Even better."

"Whoa, better than food? Hmmm. I know it's not beer…" He thought for a moment until his eyes widened in farcical surprise and he smiled suggestively. "Whoa, are we gonna make out? Coz personally, I'm surprised you haven't come back for a second helping of this hotness sooner."

Ellie rolled her eyes and shoved Spinner off of her as he laughed. "You wish. You know, you better quit pushing your luck or I just might change my mind about the surprise…"

"No, no, I want the surprise! Please, Ellie?" He folded his hands prayer-style and pouted exaggeratedly.

"Wow, you're pouting?" Ellie laughed. "How can I say no? All right, come on, champ, let's go."

o o o o o o o o

"Um, Ellie, you _do _realize how hard it is to walk down a flight of stairs without eyes, right?" Spinner complained nervously. He walked slowly, down step after step into Marco's basement, while Ellie walked behind him with her hands covering his eyes.

"Just a few seconds longer," Ellie assured him, easing him down the steps and leading him across the basement floor.

Spinner sighed. "You know, the _last_ time you had a surprise for me in Marco's basement, it was a room full of people telling me how hard I sucked."

"But the pay off is so worth it, right?" As she said those words, she released her hands from Spinner's face and revealed the gift that was sitting on the drum risers. "Ta-da!"

Spinner's breath actually caught in his throat for a moment as he was dazzled by Ellie's surprise. Newly freed from their imprisonment in the pawn shop, Spinner's drums were sitting there, ready to be played. "Are you serious?" he exclaimed. He ran up to touch them, shocked that they were actually there, surprised by realizing how much he'd missed them. He turned around and grinned at Ellie, and scooped her up in a giant hug. "You rock, El. Seriously. Has anyone told you lately how hard you rock?"

Ellie beamed and shrugged with fake cockiness. "Yeah, well, once or twice. But go on and say it as many times as you need to."

"YOU ROCK." Spinner scurried over to his drums and sat down on his stool, loving the feel of being behind them again. "How did you do this?"

Ellie shrugged shyly. "Well, I've been saving up for awhile, and the rest of the band pitched in some, too." She walked towards him, with a playfully stern look on her face as she handed him his drum sticks. "But this gift isn't just for funsies. You've got a lot of catching up to do, Sticks, because we've got a summer full of gigs ahead of us and I've got about a bazillion songs for you to learn."

Spinner smiled and gave her a salute, drum stick in hand. "Aye-aye, Cap'n." He paused for a moment, looking up at Ellie. The smile on her face, the way little strands of crimson flittered over her face. She kind of glowed. She had rescued his drums, for crying out loud. She had rescued him. He smiled nervously and took her hand, clasping it with both of his hands. "El, I don't know what I would have done without you. You've really been… an amazing friend."

Ellie smiled back at him, blushing. If you had asked her six months ago who her favorite person in the world was, Spinner Mason would have been the least likely candidate. Funny how things changed. She freed her hand from his gentle grasp and playfully pinched his chin. "Back at you."

She walked over to the corner of the room and picked up her guitar, sliding the strap over her shoulder. She looked over at Spinner, grinning. "Count it off, pal."

Spinner nodded enthusiastically and struck his drum sticks together four times. He rolled out a thumping rhythm and Ellie dove into it in stride, strumming a set of stellar chords. They played together with the same spark and connection as their very first jam session. Together, they made music.

_fin._

-o-o-o-o-o-

Final notes: It took me seven months to write 34 chapters when it has taken me YEARS to write half as many for other fics. I don't know what it is about this story that made it pour out so easily, but I had a hell of a time writing it. Thank you for reading and thank you doubly for everyone who has reviewed. There is a possibility for a sequel, which I've already start outlining. But it will be as big an undertaking as this fic, so I'm not wholly committed just yet. Lastly, because I am a huge nerd with an addiction to making mixes, I've made a soundtrack for this fic, which I'll keep posted to my profile for awhile.


End file.
